Friday, August 24, 2007

Guess the Title 3

The book descriptions were taken from The real title of each book is there, along with five fake titles. Answers at the bottom of the post.

1. Dedicated to teachers of America, this book is a collection of poems to honor the work of these devoted professionals.

a. Nunsense Rhymes
b. No More Pencils, No More Books
c. Rainbows, Head Lice and Pea-Green Tile
d. Those that Can't . . . Write Poetry
e. A Is For Apple . . . and Attention Deficit Disorder
f. Dedicated Schmedicated - If You Think I Could Get My Kids to Read this Stuff You're Crazy

2. Here, at long last, is the holiday songbook your family has been waiting for, filled with beloved Christmas songs whose lyrics exquisitely express the REAL sentiment of the season

a. Badda Bing: White Christmas Italian Style
b. Has Jack Frost Been Nipping At Your Nose, or Have you Been Snorting Coke Again? (Christmas Songs for Modern Times)
c. Forget Tiny Timmy - Just Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, and Other Seasonal Songs
d. Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook
e. Your Frostbit Nose Stayed Black! (& Other Holiday Favorites)
f. Rudolph the Passive-Aggressive Martyr Whose Mother Shows Up Unannounced, Uninvited and Under The Influence, and Other Songs of Holiday Hell

3. Anyone who ever sampled a thirst-quenching bacon milkshake or fondly recalls those days when meat loaf arrived at the dinner table molded into the shapes of farm animals will cherish this hilarious and gut-wrenching book.

a. Carnivore Cuisine: From Alligator to Zebra
b. Mary Ate a Little Lamb - And a Little Pig - And a Little Cow
c. Eating Peacock and Hummingbird: Medieval Favorites for Modern Day Meals
d. Jellied Rosehips, Worm Chutney, or Pickled Carp? Favorites from Grandma's Ozark Cookbook
e. The Gallery of Regrettable Food
f. Pining For Head Cheese: Meals From the Good Old Days

4. Are you ready for a new ethnic cuisine? Well, how about Trailer Toast made with government cheese for starters, followed by RC Cola Salad and Dirt Bag Pudding for dessert?

a. Ruby Ann's Down Home Trailer Park Cookbook
b. Cooking School Confidential: Extraordinary Uses for Government Surplus Foods Besides Doorstops
c. Aren't You Glad We're So Much Better than Them, Book 14: Can You Believe What They Eat?
d. Vittles That’ll Make You Spittle
e. Engine Block Souffle & Other Home-cooked-by-your-car Favorites
f. Skank Burgers and Other Red Neck Recipes

5. This hilarious collection of true tales of mealtime mishaps guides you through the faux pas that other hostesses have made so that you don't make the same mistakes.

a. Confessions Of A Reluctant Hostess: The Truth, The Whole Truth And The Guests Who'll Never Return
b. Honey, I Carved the Kids - Simple Precautions for Gracious Dining
c. The Hostess Who Mistook Her Guest for the Valet and Other True Stories
d. Dinner Party Disasters: True Stories of Culinary Catastrophe
e. Waiter, There Are Snails On My Plate
f. Don’t Sneeze In The Marmalade (Someone Might Be Watching)

6. Now all fabulous women everywhere can have their own mountains of royal fun and food, thanks to this collection of top secret recipes—and the events that inspired them.

a. The Rich Bitch Eats Phat - - Splurging On Haute Cuisine With The Rich And Famous
b. Let Them Eat Cake, Don’t Cry For Me and It’s a Good Thing: Recipes inspired by Marie Antoinette, Evita Perone and Martha Stewart
c. The Sweet Potato Queens' Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner
d. Trust Me, It Really Is Broccoli: Anecdotes from the Royal Chefs of England
e. Don’t Let The Bastards Blow Your Cover: Valerie Plame’s Crockpot Cookbook
f. Fondue You And The Ski-lift You Rode In On: Food and Fun In Switzerland with Prince Charles and Camilla

7. A book about sex that tells us why Junior Leaguers don't do it in groups, why Baptists won't do it standing up, and why Richard Nixon never did it, among other things.

a. Diddly-Doodles and Canoodling in Heartland America
b. Don't Bend over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes
c. Conservatism & Its Sexual Discontents: It’s All About That Rod Up Your Ass
d. Kama Shoulda: What Americans Think About Sex and What They Actually Do
e. The No Zone: Puritan Hang Ups In The Bedroom
f. Lezzdooit: A Compendium Of Modern Fornication

8. When Judith and her cousin Renie go on vacation in a remote and possibly haunted Scottish castle owned by a rich whiskey distillery baron, strange things start occurring.

a. Baron Whiskey and the Daring Lesbians of East Orange Tackle John Barleycorn
b. Ghost O Glenfidditch
c. Liquor Once On The Cheek, Twice On The Lips
d. The Drunken Ghost of Castle MacNought
e. Terribly Sorry, But I Seem To Be Dead
f. Scots on the Rocks

9. The humorous journal of a year in the life of a fourteen-year-old British girl who tries to reduce the size of her nose, stop her mad cat from terrorizing the neighborhood animals, and win the love of handsome hunk Robbie.

a. Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
b. Millicent Moonbeam and the Annals of Boreham Near Elstree
c. The Year of Living Drivellingly
d. Jane & The Mind-Altering Spell Of Fabulousness
e. Harriet Smythe and the Duct Tape Nose Job
f. The Totally Bogus Life of Winifred P. James, Aspiring Dunderhead

10. A "chubby" New York City teen faces pressures from her family to get thin.

a. Phats Holdem's Bootylicious Summer
b. Sticking a Fork in The Big Apple of My Family’s Dreams
c. The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things
d. You're Not Going to Eat That, Are You?
e. Give Me Pasta Or Give Me Death!
f. If You Didn’t Eat The Dog Again, Why Are There Fleas In Your Teeth?

Fake titles were submitted by Dave, Paul Penna, Sarah, Ouch!, Khazar-Khum, writtenwyrdd, blogless_troll, Robin S., ME, EE and anonymous.


1c 2d 3e 4a 5d 6c 7b 8f 9a 10c


writtenwyrdd said...

My favorite, hands down, is "The Sweet Potato Queens' Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner"-- the real title.

And, amusingly, I came up with something quite like the "Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook."

These are all pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Is that robot shitting a brick??

Dave Fragments said...

So much fun on a rainy Saturday!
Good stuff!

Sylvia said...

I was laughing quietly to myself as I read these, until I hit 9b and spat out my coffee!