Guess the Title

Below are seven descriptions of actual books available at Barnes and Noble dot com. Your job is to guess which of the given titles is each book's actual title.

2 - 3 right: excellent
4 - 5 right: genius
6 - 7 right: liar


A. Had it up to here with sugary-sweet affirmation books that ignore the pleasures of resentment and mean-spiritedness? Tired of the self-helpaholics who've been sipping too much chicken soup? Then this book is for you. Here are 365 splendidly bitter daily meditations that will appeal to the cynic in you.

1. 365 Days of Bile
2. Suck it Up, Loser
3. Chicken Livers for the Soul
4. Who Cut My Coke With Salmonella?
5. Today I Will Nourish My Inner Martyr
6. The Habits of Highly Sarcastic People 
7. 365 Ways to Tell the Assholes to F*ck Off

B. Wouldn't it be nice to read a book about relationships that made you laugh instead of point fingers? Now you can. The author takes on over-simplified psycho-babble relationship books and delivers a knockout punch.

1. It’s All Your Fault
2. No, Really, it's You
3. This Book Is Stupid
4. Babble that Lands Babes
5. They are the problem; There's Nothing Wrong with You.
6. Women May Be from Venus, But Men Are Really from Uranus
7. Sleeping Around in Dark Matter: A Scientist Ridicules Our Mating Games

C. Is Bigger Really Better? Here at last is the first self-help book for men with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG). Every year, thousands of men are diagnosed with OMG. Sadly, most are banished to the fringes of society

1. Cock-Sure
2. Members Only
3. Gargantuan is Better
4. How to Live with a Huge Penis
5. You Will Always Feel Better Than My Dildo
6. Too Much Junk: How to Deal With Tight Spaces
7. If I Wanted to Screw a Salami I'd Have Gone to the Deli

D. Everyone has that moment—the realization that adulthood has arrived, like a runaway train, and there's no getting out of its way. An attempt to express the contradictions and anxieties that come with being over-educated, minimally employed, mostly single, and on your own.

1. Generation Whine
2. F*ck! I'm in My Twenties.
3. Who Changed The Locks?
4. Homelessness for Dummies
5. Life sucks. Don’t kid yourself.
6. Whaddaya MEAN I'm Pregnant?
7. How to Tell Your Parents You're Moving Back In

E. Have you got the right kind of point on your pencil? Do you know how to achieve the perfect point for the kind of work you need out of that pencil? Deep in New York’s Hudson River Valley, the world’s number one #2 pencil sharpener still practices the age-old art of manual pencil sharpening.

1. Sharper Image
2. What’s the point?
3. NOW You Tell Me Pencil Sharpening Isn't an Olympic Event
4. Sharpest Pencil in the Box: Memoir of the World's Greatest Pencil Sharpener
5. Hipsters Will Buy Anything, So Why Not a Book About Maintaining an Object That's Almost as Obsolete as a Typewriter?
6. How to Sharpen Pencils: A Practical and Theoretical Treatise on the Artisanal Craft of Pencil Sharpening for Writers, Artists, Contractors, Flange Turners, Anglesmiths, and Civil Servants
 

 F. Target. Observe. Ridicule. You run into them every day—the striped-shirt guy, the karaoke master, the dude with a pencil-thin beard, the guy who won’t shut up about his fantasy football team—characters who annoy, irritate, and incense us all. A look inside the heads of the most infuriating douchebags on planet Earth.

 
1. All Men are Idiots
2. Look at My Striped Shirt!
3. At Least You Aren't THAT Guy!
4. Hang On, I Need to Take this Call
5. No Thanks, I Only Drink Imported
6. Pick Up Artists: A Woman's Guide to Avoiding Jerks
7. Relax: Monday Coffee Shop Flotsam Bro Downs Are Normal
 

G. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful inspirational self-help books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as Your Good-for-Nothing Friends, Your Miserable Job, and Life: What's the Use. 

 
1. Evil Editor Strips
2. You Are Worthless
3. Dude, You're F@cked
4. Take This Book and Shove It
5. Claim that Dirty Sofa in the Alley
6. You Don’t Need to Buy this Book
7. Convincing Yourself that Self-help is a Crock

Answers Below  

 

 

 

Fake titles were supplied by Khazar Khum, CavalierdeNuit, Veronica Rundell, Anonymous and EE.  

 

 

 

Actual Titles  

Today I Will Nourish My Inner Martyr 

Women May Be from Venus, But Men Are Really from Uranus  

How to Live with a Huge Penis  

F*ck! I'm in My Twenties  

How to Sharpen Pencils yadda yadda  

Look at My Striped Shirt!  

You Are Worthless

Guess the Title

Below are seven descriptions of books about parenting/ relationships, and other crap like that, taken from their write-ups at Barnes and Noble dot com. Your job is to guess which of the given titles is the book's actual title.


1. The author can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids—and he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? No child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world’s foremost authority on children’s crappy artwork.

What’s wrong with American kids?
I Am Better Than Your Kids
Why Your Kids Suck: A Manifesto
My Kid’s Okay; Your Kid Sucks
Your Kid is Worse at Art than Jackson Pollack


2. What kind of mother feeds her kids dinosaur chicken nuggets . . . three times a week? What kind of mother lets hand washing slide after using the toilet, as long as it was just Number One?

Parenting: Filth, Fat and…Ah, Who Gives a Shit.
How to raise a CEO.
When Did I Get Like This?
Rules for Redneck Mothers
Screw It: They'll Probably Turn Out OK


3. A hilarious take on that age-old problem: getting the beloved child to go to sleep.

Go the F*#K to Sleep.
Go To Sleep Or Spongebob Dies
Chloroform: The New Wonder Drug
Improved Parenting through the Wonders of Sedatives
Why Don't They Make Flintstones Sleeping Pills?


4. This amusing shower or new baby gift celebrates the ups and downs of breastfeeding and gives the rapidly growing number of breastfeeding moms something they can really use-a good laugh!

Milk Duds
You’re not alone – breastfeeding Does Suck.
Got Breast Milk?
Your Rack: More than a Man Magnet
If These Boobs Could Talk


5. Once the zigzagging hormones and endless, bleary-eyed exhaustion of the first year have worn off, you're left with the startling realization that your tiny, immobile bundle has become a rampaging toddler, complete with his or her very own, very forceful personality.

What to Expect When Your Toddlers Take Over
Adoption Agencies: It's Never too Late
Naptime is the New Happy Hour
Yes! Someone Will Still Adopt Him!
Why Isn't Daycare 24-7?


6. The Guy's Survival Guide to Getting Engaged and Married

Writing the Ironclad Prenup
Life Sentence
Yes, Dear
Hey, Let's Elope!
How to Get a Free Maid and Save Money on Dating


7. For all those who make an annual ritual of avoiding spring cleaning, liberation is at hand! Instead of arranging the stuff in your house to improve your inner harmony, let everything go to hell-and learn how to feel good about it.

Feng Sh*t
Mrs. V's Handy Household Hints
The Lazy Woman’s Guide to Insurance and Arson
The Tao of Housework
When You're Dead, No One Cares Whether You Dusted



Answers Below


Fake titles were submitted by Mister Furkles, Khazar-khum, Evil Editor, Anonymous, and Rachel6.


The actual titles are:

I Am Better Than Your Kids
When Did I Get Like This?
Go the F*#K to Sleep.
If These Boobs Could Talk
Naptime is the New Happy Hour
Life Sentence
Feng Sh*t

Guess the Title 10

Below are descriptions of six mysteries available at BN.com. Your job is to figure out which of the given titles belongs to the book. The fake titles were provided by your fellow Evil Minions. Descriptions were taken from BN.com. Answers at the bottom of the post.


1. When one of A.J.'s celebrity yoga students gets permanently bent out of shape, and another is accused of the crime, A.J. has no choice but to position herself as a sleuth to find the real killer.

Murder or Knot?
Bend Till it Breaks
Death with a Twist
Dial Om for Murder
The Pretzel Murders
Murder by Pranayama


2. Jordan McAllister can't cook her way out of a macaroni and cheese box, but filling in for the culinary reporter at The Ranchero Globe is better than writing personal ads. Her assignment to review the new steakhouse in town is a disaster that ends with her waiter murdered outside her door-with her name and number in his pocket.

High Steaks
Bloody Rare
Liver Let Die
The Ginsu Diaries
Murder, Well Done
Love Me Tenderloin, Love Me Tartare


3. Small-town librarian Kathleen Paulson never wanted to be the crazy cat lady, but after Owen and Hercules follow her home, she realizes her mind isn't playing tricks on her-her cats have magical abilities. When the body of elderly Agatha Shepherd is found near Kath's favorite café, she knows Owen's talent for turning invisible and Hercules's ability to walk through walls will give the felines access to clues Kath couldn't get without arousing suspicion.

Cat Nipped
Sleight of Paw
Feline Flatfoots
Meow is for Murder
Magical Mystery Tabbies
Hercules Pawrot Investigates


4. When Stacy discovers Rafe's dead body in the ballroom dance studio she owns, the police suspect her of killing him. To clear her name and save her studio, Stacey teams up with Rafe's estranged cousin from Argentina, Tav, to find the real killer. And if Stacy doesn't watch her step, the killer may make this dance her last.

Three to Tango
Deadly Dancing
Quickstep to Murder
Crazy Like a Foxtrot
It Takes Two to Tangle
Save the Last Death for Me


5. 1963. Elvis Presley is contacted by a former army buddy. Littlejon is serving life in a California penitentiary for the murder of a young actress on the MGM lot and he insists he was framed. Elvis figures that solving the crime is just what he needs to escape all those people making demands of him, both professionally and romantically.

All Shot Up
Kill Me Tender
Blue Suede Clues
Don't Be Clueless
Elvis Takes the Case
The Perp and the Pelvis


6. An assistant librarian and a roving reporter make an unlikely pair as they attempt to solve a chain of murders connected to the town library in this mystery set in a small town in Oklahoma.

Booked!
Checking Out?
Out of Circulation
Death Stalks The Stacks
The Ochelata Bibliognost
Murder by Dewey Decimal



Answers below.


Fake titles submitted by Faceless Minion, Adele, Angela Robbins, arhooley, PLaF, Mister Furkles, Jo-Ann, kbradley67, Anon, anon, anonymous and Evil Editor.




Actual Titles


Dial Om for Murder
Liver Let Die
Sleight of Paw 
Quickstep to Murder
Blue Suede Clues
Murder by Dewey Decimal

Guess the Title 9

New Year's Eve Edition

Below are descriptions of five books available at BN.com. Your job is to guess each book's title from the lists given. The fake titles were submitted by the Evil Minions.


1. In this spirited paean to alcohol, two parts cultural history, one part personal meditation, the author takes readers on a bacchanalian romp through the Fertile Crescent, the Mermaid Tavern, Plymouth Rock, and Capitol Hill and reveals, as Faulkner famously once said, how civilization indeed begins with fermentation. Mentioned are Johnson and Boswell, John Donne (!), Byron, Oscar Wilde, Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Thomas Wolfe. And, of course, Dylan Thomas, who once defined an alcoholic as someone you don t like who drinks as much as you do.

Atlas Puked
Hops Scotch
Yeast of Eden
Wholly Spirits
The Joy of Drinking
A Literary History of Liquor
Drinking Through Time and Space


2. From the publisher of Bartender magazine comes this incomparable collection of bar jokes, quotes and cartoons that are sure to make you appear witty and charming and the life of your next cocktail party. Wow your drinking buddies and impress your dates with such clever and entertaining hilarious quips as: "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." "I saw a sign that said Drink Canada Dry, so I've started."

Bar None
Cocktales
Shaken and Stirred
Why the Long Face?
Beer is the Answer--I Don't Remember the Question
100 Slur-Fire Lines to Make You the Lush of the Party
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman Walk Into a Bar


3. The history and culture of booze as told by a writer with a knack for distilling all the boring bits into the most interesting facts and hilarious tales. It’s almost like pulling up a stool next to the smartest and funniest guy in the bar. Did you know... that you have a higher chance of being killed by a flying Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider? That the Code of Hammurabi mandated that brewers of low-quality beer be drowned in it? That beer was so popular with medieval priests and monks that in the 13th century they stopped baptizing babies with holy water and started using beer?

Booze Newz
A Butt of Malmsey
The Intellectual Sot

Alcoholica Esoterica
The Cultured Booze Hound
Trivia on the Rocks, Hold the Olive
Cliff Clavin's Complete Book of Barroom Minutiae


4. Many people drink, few do it professionally. That’s right. I get paid to run around boozing, carousing, and getting into all manner of trouble, all in the name of covering the “adult beverage beat.” Join me, as I conduct “revealing” hotel room interviews with porn stars in LA; wake up naked on a big-shot Hollywood producer’s living room floor; and learn, the hard way, why NEVER to order an Irish car bomb in a Dublin pub. A bawdy barroom confessional that leaves no shot glass un-shot, no beer un-chugged, no potential paramour un-hit-upon, this is the most entertaining and honest book about the Drinking Life ever written. At least, ever written by me.

Bottoms Up!
Living Loaded
Barley and Me
Absinthe, Absinthe!
Fire the Sommeliers, a Memoir

Journey to the Center of Vermouth
Leave the Bottle: Can't You See I'm Working?


5. Live vicariously through Juli. Growing up in rural Minnesota, Juli discovered alcohol at a young age and continued to drink throughout college. Numerous random encounters and events take place. It's a must-read for a good laugh.

Mint Juli
Ramblings
Dead at 23
Juli Does Cirrhosis
Tropic of Liver Cancer
Growing Up 190 Proof
One Time When I Was Drunk




Answers Below




Fake titles were submitted by:
Anonymous, Fairyhedgehog, Phoenix, FacelessMinion, Jo-Ann, Evil Editor



The real books are:

The Joy of Drinking
Beer is the Answer--I Don't Remember the Question
Alcoholica Esoterica
Living Loaded
One Time When I Was Drunk

Guess the Title 8

Below are descriptions of ten animal books with amusing titles. The descriptions come from BN.com, where the books are available. Your job is to figure out which is the actual title of the book. The other titles are fakes, created by the Evil Minions.


1. The unauthorized album of caught-in-the-act photos your beloved furry ones never meant for you to see.

Time to Party! The 'Rents Are Gone!
What Pets Do While You're at Work
That's My Evil Twin Crapping on the Carpet: and other lame pet excuses
The Secret life of Fleas
The Dog Ate My Homework . . . and I Got it on Film
Pussies Galore


2. Every generation brings a few elite cats who rise above their species. Cats who make a difference. Cats who inspire us with their bravery. Cats who broaden the world's understanding of science, history, art, and religion.

The Crown and the Claw
Under the Fur: Genius and Heroism in Cats
Super Pussy
100 Cats Who Changed Civilization
From out of the Litterbox
A CATalogue of Inspirational Pussies


3. Men and dogs have lived in close symbiosis from literally the beginnings of civilization itself and still, after 200,000 years we can't keep the dog from jumping up on the dining room table and eating all the hamburger buns." The legendary Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary don't claim that they can rectify that situation, but they can make it funny.

Myron Cohen's Once Upon a Canine
Keeping the Kosher Kennel: Canine obedience lessons from the Talmud
How to Raise a Jewish Dog
First Teach Him Yiddish: Dog training through guilt
I and Chow
Hamming It Up with Your Dog: Keys to kosher dog ownership


4. Adorable dog models dressed in haute couture and even wearing mud masks.

Dogue
Doggy Style
Doghouse Debutantes
Fido Fashion
The Dog Fancy Guide to New York Fashion Week
Hounds a la Mode


5. Why look for love in all the wrong places when it's right across the room chasing its own tail?

At Least My Dog Doesn't Cheat On Me
Who needs Craigslist? You've Got a Cat
Cats are from the Pet Store, Dogs are from the Pound
See Tail, Catch Tail. An Illustrated Handbook.
Mooch vs. Pooch
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat


6. Your cat's idea of a perfect Sunday-The Times, a smoke, and a great Bette Davis flick.

Is Your Cat Gay?
Purrfect
Seventh Heaven, Kitty Style
A Double-Martini with Anchovy-stuffed Olives: The lounge cat in repose
Days of Feline and Roses
How Your Boyfriend is Like a Cat


7. This hilarious book reminds us why we give them free room and board. The occasional comment on human affairs in dog disguise, and a lot about pups on their own terms. From howling at the moon to refusing to fetch, from the merits of canned versus dry food to those irresistibly wagging tails . . .

Men Are Really Reincarnated Dogs . . . NOT!
Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Lassie: A modern American dog's lament
Everything I Need to Know I Learned in the Kennel
You Had Me at Bow Wow
Wags
Can't Live With 'Em; Can't Live Without 'Em: One dog's story of human ownership


8. Want to know what your dog really thinks of you? In this hilarious exposé, Genevieve, a two-year-old papillon, takes you into the inner sanctum of dogdom, revealing canine secrets never before shared with humans.

My Prying Canine Eyes - Believe It Or Not
Why I chase cars: 100 secrets your dog is keeping from you.
Scratch 'N' Sniff
Candid Canine
Memoirs of a Papillon: Living with humans without going mad
The Papillon Diaries


9. Sterling Sugar Magnolia, the sassy pup who narrates the book, offers highly opinionated views on everything from personal hygiene to commitment issues, from holiday garb to human food.

A High-Class Dog's View of the Trailer Park World
Basic Training: Keeping your owner in line
Who Shit in my Shoe?
For the Last Time, Don't Feed Me Chocolate: a dog opens up.
Don't Eat the Yellow Snow: and other tales from the kennel
The Complete Petrosexual: A Handbook for the Modern Dog


10. A whimsical compilation of amusing, unusual photos of cows, along with words of wisdom from our bovine friends.

The Tao of Cow
Udderly Delightful Proverbs
The Milk of Bovine Kindness
Till the Cows Come Home: A book of tripe
Cowabunga
No Bull . . . but Plenty of Beef: Real complaints from cows


Actual Titles Below



Fake titles were submitted by Dave F., BuffySquirrel, ChristineElden, Debhoag, Khazar-khum, Anonymous, and EE.



Actual Book Titles:


What Pets Do While You're at Work
100 Cats Who Changed Civilization
How to Raise a Jewish Dog
Dogue
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
Is Your Cat Gay?
You had me at Bow Wow
Memoirs of a Papillon: The Canine Guide to Living with Humans without Going Mad
The Complete Petrosexual: A Handbook for the Modern Dog
The Tao of Cow

Guess the Title 7 (Relationships Edition)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Guess the Title 6 (Children's Books Edition)

Below are descriptions of twelve children's books. The descriptions were taken from Amazon.com. Your job is to guess which title goes with each book. The fake titles were composed by Dave F., Mignon, Scott, Talpianna, Bill Highsmith and Evil Editor.


1. A "fanciful creature of undefined nature," it was also once the wisest, kindest, most fun-loving living thing in the world--until people stopped believing in it.

A Young Person's Guide to the Democratic Party
My Body, My Elf
The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles
The Graveyard of the Imaginaries
The Sad little Bloggosaur
When Puffalumps Walked the Earth

2. Three children pore over an extraordinary manuscript forced on them by a passing hen: "The True Story of Harrowing Farm." The hen tells how little green men shoo her and her fellows from the cramped cages where they've been confined to lay eggs, uncomfortably, in public, then fit the cages to humans -- the species they prefer as food.

The Chicken Gave It to Me
Guess Who We're Having for Lunch
Green PETA People Eater
When the Clucking Ends
Three Men in a Kettle
The Hen Zen of Martian Farming


3. "Some cases start rough, some cases start easy. This one started with a dame. (That's what we private eyes call a girl.)" Fourth-grade gumshoe Chet Gecko searches for a missing chameleon named Billy.

How Chet Saved A Ton Of Money On His Car Insurance
The Case of the Reptile Dysfunction
The Geeky Gecko Gumshoe Caper
The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse
Gumshoe Lizard
Flight of the Iguana


4. Chester the cat, Harold the dog, and Howie the puppy set out to save the neighborhood vegetables from a vampire rabbit.

The Celery Stalks at Midnight
Full Vegetable Jacket
The Brave Little Onion
Revenge of Bunnicula
Carrot Dracula
The Vampireteen Rabbit


5. What if your Dad loved books, owned a bookstore, and even called his cherished volumes "my little bookies"? What if, while you're working in the store and hoping shoplifters will ease your burden, you spot a weird, pale stranger drinking a book--with a straw?

Return of The Blurb
Eat Your Words!
Thirst For Knowledge
The Ink Drinker
The Vampire's Book of Party Snacks
One Flew over the Book Coot's Nest


6. The author has a simple philosophy of the fable: "If you can't say something nice about someone, change the guy's name to Donkey or Squid." After all, the alleged Aesop did it.

Animals Are People Too
Squids Will Be Squids
An Ill Wind Blows No Nose
Christopher Hitchens's Book of Nasty People
In Case You Were Wondering, the Donkey is George Bush
Moral Minority


7. Two abandoned kittens encounter mishaps on all sides when they are adopted by a human family.

Cat Scratch Fever
Kitties In The White House: How Two Kittens Started the Iraq War
Snot Stew
Fur from Home
The Fortunate Felines' Fantastic, Fateful Adventure
Snot Stew? What's that got to do with Kittens?


8. Fourth-grader Albert has always been a little afraid of the Pine Manor Nursing Home, which he passes on the way home from school; the residents wave at him, but he just can't relax until he's well past it.

Old People Were Human Once Too
Albert Weinstein and the Case of the Agin' Cajun
Heaven Can't Wait
Evergreen and Ever Dead
Mannequin Manor
Old People, Frogs and Albert


9. The sibling rivalry between twelve-year-old Megin and her older brother Greg intensifies after she ruins his science project and he retaliates by throwing her favorite hockey stick into the pond.

Things to Do in Canada When Your Brother is a Dork
Blood Is Thicker--When Spilled
Pucks 'n' Ducks
Siblings from H-e-Double Hockey Stick
Who Put That Hair in My Toothbrush?
That Does it: I'm Sending in My Goons


10. In this Edgar Award winner set in medieval times, Anora chooses to marry the obnoxious but wealthy Farold instead of Selwyn, thus making Selwyn the chief suspect when Farold is found murdered.

The Donjon Murder
Death of a Big-Cheese Burgher
Twelve Angry Wenches
Never Trust a Dead Man
Stop, Fief!
Murder on Michaelmas

11. Shamelessly exploiting the intelligence, honesty, and guileless wit of the nation's youth (and apparently having a heck of a time doing it), the author asked over 100 kids the same question: "What do you think would make our world a more perfect place to be?"

No more Homework!
The Kid's Guide to Self-Delusion
Undoing the Damage Grown-Ups Do
Lima Beans Would be Illegal
Have Your Mom Buy You This Book and Make Me Rich
Kids Say the *#!$%-est Things


12. The author appeals to the gross-out side of kids in this exploration of edible grub (larvae and otherwise) around the world, past and present, and it's more laughs than a barrel of monkey brains (the one delicacy he missed).

It's Disgusting and We Ate It!
The Big Book of Yuck!
GrassWhoppers and McCockroaches
Grosstronomy for Kids
Surely You're Not Going to Stick That in Your Mouth!
Bugmeister's Insectivorously Delicious Diet



Answers below



The real book titles are:


The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles
The Chicken Gave It to Me
The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse
The Celery Stalks at Midnight
The Ink Drinker
Squids Will Be Squids
Snot Stew
Old People, Frogs and Albert
Who Put That Hair in My Toothbrush?
Never Trust a Dead Man
Lima Beans Would be Illegal
It's Disgusting and We Ate It!

Guess the Title 5

The following are descriptions of ten books that can be found at Amazon.com. Each is accompanied by six titles, one of which is the actual title, and five of which are fakes submitted by the Evil Minions.


a. This self-help manual for female teens from age 14 up is a crash course covering every topic from puberty and sex to making friends and choosing colleges. Includes a detailed section on oral sex.

Am I Weird or Is This Normal?
Just Say 'Blow': A Girl's Guide to the Top
A Jaw-Dropping Guide to Teen Sex
For Girls Only: A Teenager's Survival Guide
The First Swallows of Spring Break
Making Your Parents as Miserable as You Are: What Every Teen Needs to Know


b. Devastated after being fired from her job at a Silicon Valley start-up and suffering a miscarriage, Devi feels she has strayed far outside the expectations of her traditional Indian family and attempts to commit suicide. However, her intrusive mother, a continual source of aggravation for Devi, saves her life. Devi then moves in with her parents, but she refuses to speak, taking up cooking instead.

From Here to Tandoori
It's Chapati, You Can Cry If You Want To
The Widgetmakers of Hindu Kush
Serving Crazy with Curry
Gosht Story
Joy of Cooking Tikka Masala


c. When Tori got lucky, she never imagined that her birthday fling would last longer than one night. But this papi chulo turns out to be "the one," and they quickly decide to elope. . . . Meanwhile, Sylvia has one of the hottest careers in town reporting on Miami's nightlife. But when Tori makes her shocking announcement over Monday-night mojitos with the girls, Sylvia decides it's time for some bold moves of her own . . .

Latino Chic
The Miami Welcome Mat
The Chicharrones Connection
The Devil Wears Tammy Apostol
Tori and Sylvia Do Little Havana
Sex and the South Beach Chicas


d. Wounding with words is the talent of this lopsided novel's heroine, so skilled at repelling her friends that she nicknames herself the Alienator. Unfortunately, the Alienator's powers work just as well on readers, who are likely to find her such unpleasant company that they won't stick around for the book's more satisfying second half.

Loathe Me and Leave Me
Full of It
Is There a Book Doctor in the House?
The Scathing: Yes, It's A Novel
How Jenny Came to Not Hate Everyone
Metamorphosis of a Miscreant


e. Julia, a hip salesgirl at Pelham's jewelry store, finds her social life turned on its head when she is asked to deliver a necklace to the store's young heiress, Lell Pelham, on Lell's wedding day. Beguiled by Julia's earnest cluelessness and her vintage-chic vibe, Lell and her gang adopt Julia, and "Eliza Doolittle" her into passing as the heiress to a Park Avenue family fortune, just for a laugh. Dazed by her new world, Julia is unprepared for the ardent advances of Lell's husband—or the vicious claws her new "friends" develop when they decide Julia is an ingrate, and demote her from society goddess to penniless cling-on.

Wolves in Chic Clothing
Breakfast at Wal-Mart
Cindy Adams, the Little Flower Girl and the taking of Pelham 666
Careful What You Wish For
My Phat Bitch
Prigmalion


f. A collection of tongue-in-cheek characterizations of men, organized by sign, for the date-weary hetero woman.

All Dressed Up and No One to Love
What's Your Sign? (And Other Pickup Lines of Assholes)
The Loser Zodiac
Never Date a Virgo on Thursday
How to Spot a Bastard by his Star Sign
Is That Your Planet Ascending, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?


g. Valuable insight into the way in which Latin America has been regarded and utilized by modern nations, governments, and corporations interspersed with Disney cartoons possessing ridiculous political implications: vultures representing Hegel and Marx, dogs dressed up like Che and Castro...

How to Read Donald Duck: Imperialist Ideology in the Disney Comic
Goofy Presents: Poverty Incorporated and the Plundering of a Continent
Under the Mouse's Thumb
Uncle Scrooge, South of the Border
Yankee Go Home . . . Pluto, Stay
Shamrock Bones and the Cocaine Cartel


h. When a British writer, performer and musician makes a drunken bet that he can hitchhike through his country with an unlikely possession, he starts an unexpectedly wonderful adventure into the good-natured soul of the Irish people.

Travels With My Anteater
'Round Ireland with a Fridge
Have You Met My Potato?
Erin Go Brassiere
Caravaning In The Land of Bogs with Patty O'Swirly
Mick and Bono's Most Excellent Adventure


i. CALIFORNIA ENGINEER EXPERIENCES CONTACT WITH OTHER WORLDLY VISITORS screamed the headlines in the Las Vegas and LA papers after an engineer first reported his contacts with extraterrestrials. The space beings said they were from a planet which remains hidden behind our sun and that they had developed their civilization to the point where there was no war or crime. To date the author's rather shocking claims have NOT been disproved!

The Nerd's Guide to Doppelgangers
High in the Hollywood Hills
You Weren't There; I Was
Probed! The Carson Waggoner Story
You Won't Be Calling Me Crazy When the Sarkonn Fleet Arrives
Messages from the People of the Planet Clarion: The True Experiences of Truman Bethurum


j. It's the edgy gift book for every unmarried woman who's fending off her nudgy mother and overly concerned friend, who can't go to a holiday dinner, class reunion, shower or wedding without hearing the usual round of questions. Something like So, why aren't you married yet?

Well, Just Look at Me
The Un-Vagina Monologues for Single Girls
Even God is Single, So Stop Giving Me a Hard Time
Because Gay Marriage Is Illegal, Okay?
Actually, She's More Than Just a Friend
I Know Why I'm Not Married; Why Aren't You Divorced?


Fake titles supplied by Paul Penna, Dick Margulis, Dave F., anonymous, and EE


Actual Book Titles:



Am I Weird or Is This Normal?
Serving Crazy with Curry
Sex and the South Beach Chicas
Full of It
Wolves in Chic Clothing
How to Spot a Bastard by his Star Sign
How to Read Donald Duck: Imperialist Ideology in the Disney Comic
'Round Ireland with a Fridge
Messages from the People of the Planet Clarion: The True Experiences of Truman Bethurum
Even God is Single, So Stop Giving Me a Hard Time


We still need fake plots for tomorrow's exercise. The titles are Zero Gravity, Late Nights on Air, Lauchlin of the Bad Heart, The Assassin’s Song, and The Architects Are Here.

Guess the Title 4 (Halloween edition)

Below are descriptions of ten books available at Amazon.com. Your job is to guess which title goes with each book. The other five are fakes submitted by the Evil Minions.


1. TV reporter Delilah Street used to cover the small-town bogeyman beat back in Kansas, but now, in high-octane Las Vegas - which is run by a werewolf mob - she finds herself holding back the gates of Hell itself. But at least she has a hot new guy and one big bad wolfhound to help her out...

Casino Lycanos
Delilah trims Vegas
Handsome and Delilah
Dancing with Werewolves
What Spawns in Vegas Stays in Vegas
Larry, I've a Feeling We're Not in Kansas Anymore


2. The Queen of the Undead discovers that even Queens have to pay their bills, and vampire queens are no exception.

Bloodsuckers
Undead and Unemployed
The Taxman is Succumbing
The Repo Man Wears Garlic
"Blood Banks Don't Make Loans"
You’re Dead to Me: Final Notice III – The Gasman Cometh


3. A Chinese doctor encounters one of the earliest zombie cases at a time when the Chinese government is ruthlessly suppressing any information about the outbreak that will soon spread across the globe. The tale then follows the outbreak via testimony of smugglers, intelligence officials, military personnel and many others who struggle to defeat the zombie menace.

Subgum of the Living Dead
Apple Blossoms, Rotting Flesh
The Zombie Disclosure Project
Shao Lin Zombies from the Underworld!
Zen and the Art of Zombie Maintenance
World War Z: an Oral History of the Zombie War


4. A patchwork anthology of 13 new vampire stories in which writers with serious vamp credentials craft stories around the concept of birthdays for bloodsuckers.

Spatters
Many Bloody Returns
Fangs for the Memories
The Gift That Keeps on Taking
Suck it Up: Birthday Feasts for the Undead
Nutrient-Rich Hemoglobin for the Super-centenarian's Soul


5. The Ultimate Guide to Saving Mankind from Vampires, Zombies, Hellhounds, and Other Mythical Beasts.

The Bible
Stake Saucy
Monster Slaying for Dummies
The Monster Hunter's Handbook
The Book of Cain: Being Marked by God Ain't All That Bad
High School Girls’ Sleepovers from Hell: A Bitch’s Guide to Turning Back the Zombie Tide


6. As two witches prepare to host their annual monster bash, they decide to restrict the guest list.

Witches Only
No Zombies Allowed
The Unkindest Cut of All
Drawing the Line at Michael Jackson
Glinda and Gruntilda’s Spook Soiree
I Don't Care What it Says on That Card, We Didn't Invite No Weredingos


7. Zombies have devoured mankind. And the few survivors would be better off dead because a clan of vampires, bloodthirsty and vicious, have captured the remnants of humanity for livestock. In an apartment building barricaded with wrecked cars, concrete rubble, and snarls of barbed wire, the vampires breed lobotomized amputees.

Crypts Versus Bloods
Only the Dead Survive
The True Story of Walter Reed
The Bush Administration: Term 3
Roses of Blood on Barbwire Vines
One Flew Over the Vampire's Roost


8. To teach their obnoxious cousin Mabel a lesson, two boys convince her the statues in Central Park are people who were turned to stone by a zombie's breath, which smells like cheese.

Mabel's Marble Fable
The Listerine Chronicles
The Limburger Zombie Hoax
Gorgonzola Zombies in the Park
Liederkranz and Camembert are Dead
Gouda Night, Mabel; Don't Let the Muensters Get You


9. There is nothing more depressing for a middle-aged lovelorn woman with bald patches on her head than to find herself in an English seaside resort out of season. When our heroine finds her hair falling out, she travels to an old-fashioned hotel and buys hair tonic from a witch in order to repair the damage away from the neighbors in her all-too-cozy Cotswolds village.

Hairless in Brighton
Gone Today, Hair Tomorrow
Grizelda Sperling’s Hair Club For Women
Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wyckhadde
No Deposit, No Return: A Hair Raising Tale
Miss Charlesworth and the Love Potion Mix-up


10. Lou Kipinski seems to have it all. But beauty is only skin deep-and sometimes Lou's porcelain complexion can get a bit hairy.

Kibble and Kipinski
I’m Too Sexy For My Pelt
Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel
I'd Love To, But I Don't Date During a Full Moon
Pardon Me, But You Seem to Have Turned Into a Leopard
I Wish I Could Marry You, But I Can't Afford Your Vet Bills


Correct answers below


Fake titles were provided by Chro, Dave, Paul Penna, McKoala, Robin S., blogless_troll, Khazar-khum, Ylimemmy, Precie and EE.





Actual titles:

Dancing with Werewolves
Undead and Unemployed
World War Z: an Oral History of the Zombie War
Many Bloody Returns
The Monster Hunter's Handbook
Roses of Blood on Barbwire Vines
No Zombies Allowed
Gorgonzola Zombies in the Park
Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wyckhadde
Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel

Writing Exercise Results

First a warning to those who read this blog on an outside feed that shows everything in black and white: The answers to the quiz below appear right after the questions. On the Evil Editor site they are the same color as the background, rendering them invisible, until highlighted with your cursor. If you don't want to see the answers, you'll have to come to Evileditor.blogspot.com.


Second, my apologies if I didn't use any of yours. You weren't alone. The main problems were that descriptions were either so vague no one could guess them, or so specific no one familiar with the works could fail to guess them. Some described works I deemed not familiar to a high enough percentage of readers. The good news is, the fewer of yours I used, the more fun you can have guessing the ones I did use.


Guess the Title

Below are descriptions of numerous well-known films and works of literature. The descriptions were provided by EE's minions (actually, with few exceptions, they were provided by blogless_troll), who have a bad habit of being general when they should be specific, and of failing to see the forest for the trees.

If you can get half of them you're doing well. To help you get started, the first three titles have two clues each, though you may be able to get them from just one.



1a. Fantastical events, epic battles and sex, sex, sex in a 28-book series. (EE)

1b. A multi-generational epic, chronicling the paranormal encounters of a select group of nomadic exiles. (blogless_troll) The Old Testament


2a. Betraying her nation, a woman falls in love with the enemy; becoming homeless, she swears to a life of gluttony. (WitchEmber)

2b. She loves the man she can’t have and doesn’t love the one she’s got . . . or is it the other way around? Anyway, this isn’t a good day to think about it. (Bunnygirl) Gone with the Wind


3a. Not content to possess the stolen goods, a courier and his bodyguards decide they must kill the victim of the theft as well. (Khazar-khum)

3b. An interracial party of escorts figure out and accomplish the most illogical way of transporting their client and his most cherished possession from one place to another. (SzélsőFa) Lord of the Rings


4. Though mutilated bodies have been turning up at the edge of a small town, the police chief leaves to go fishing . . . only to come face to face with the killer. (Dave Kuzminski) Jaws


5. A young boy leaves home for the first time, joins a gang of criminals, and destroys government property. (blogless_troll) Star Wars


6. After an attempt on her life, an heiress shacks up with a group of male laborers. (blogless_troll) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs


7. A dysfunctional family escapes their hometown to avoid punishment for their destructiveness, only to repent and ultimately save the city. (Bill Highsmith) The Simpsons Movie


8. When a weapon more powerful than a nuclear bomb falls into the wrong hands, the only person who can save the world is a professor with ophidiophobia. (blogless_troll) Raiders of the Lost Ark


9. Siblings on a simple errand encounter treacherous terrain, resulting in a medical emergency. (blogless_troll) "Jack and Jill"


10. Girl abuses boy, loves boy, mourns boy, abandons boy, hates boy, wounds boy, endangers boy, saves boy, cuckolds boy, marries boy. (WitchEmber) The Princess Bride


11. A criminal adopts socialist principles in order to impress a woman. (blogless_troll) Robin Hood


12. A criminal talks his way out of captivity through the use of a coffee cup, a bulletin board, and his remarkable powers of observation. (EE) The Usual Suspects


13. Two drunken humans and a dog become the most frequent crossword puzzle clues ever by solving a mystery. (Bill Highsmith) The Thin Man


14. A bookish professor gets all worked up upon learning that deities sometimes fuck. (blogless_troll) The Da Vinci Code


15. Hired to arrange a real estate deal, a man discovers that his client has an abnormal drinking problem. (EE) Dracula


16. The fate of an abused woman depends solely upon designer shoes. (blogless_troll) Cinderella


17. A new guy in town tries to make friends by giving them water, showing them carnival tricks, inviting them to church, and eating them before they eat him. (Bill Highsmith) Stranger in a Strange Land


18. After much debate, a frustrated loner caves in to peer pressure, consumes an unusual delicacy, and gains acceptance within the community. (blogless_troll) Green Eggs and Ham

Guess the Title 3

The book descriptions were taken from BN.com. The real title of each book is there, along with five fake titles. Answers at the bottom of the post.


1. Dedicated to teachers of America, this book is a collection of poems to honor the work of these devoted professionals.

a. Nunsense Rhymes
b. No More Pencils, No More Books
c. Rainbows, Head Lice and Pea-Green Tile
d. Those that Can't . . . Write Poetry
e. A Is For Apple . . . and Attention Deficit Disorder
f. Dedicated Schmedicated - If You Think I Could Get My Kids to Read this Stuff You're Crazy

2. Here, at long last, is the holiday songbook your family has been waiting for, filled with beloved Christmas songs whose lyrics exquisitely express the REAL sentiment of the season

a. Badda Bing: White Christmas Italian Style
b. Has Jack Frost Been Nipping At Your Nose, or Have you Been Snorting Coke Again? (Christmas Songs for Modern Times)
c. Forget Tiny Timmy - Just Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, and Other Seasonal Songs
d. Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook
e. Your Frostbit Nose Stayed Black! (& Other Holiday Favorites)
f. Rudolph the Passive-Aggressive Martyr Whose Mother Shows Up Unannounced, Uninvited and Under The Influence, and Other Songs of Holiday Hell


3. Anyone who ever sampled a thirst-quenching bacon milkshake or fondly recalls those days when meat loaf arrived at the dinner table molded into the shapes of farm animals will cherish this hilarious and gut-wrenching book.

a. Carnivore Cuisine: From Alligator to Zebra
b. Mary Ate a Little Lamb - And a Little Pig - And a Little Cow
c. Eating Peacock and Hummingbird: Medieval Favorites for Modern Day Meals
d. Jellied Rosehips, Worm Chutney, or Pickled Carp? Favorites from Grandma's Ozark Cookbook
e. The Gallery of Regrettable Food
f. Pining For Head Cheese: Meals From the Good Old Days


4. Are you ready for a new ethnic cuisine? Well, how about Trailer Toast made with government cheese for starters, followed by RC Cola Salad and Dirt Bag Pudding for dessert?

a. Ruby Ann's Down Home Trailer Park Cookbook
b. Cooking School Confidential: Extraordinary Uses for Government Surplus Foods Besides Doorstops
c. Aren't You Glad We're So Much Better than Them, Book 14: Can You Believe What They Eat?
d. Vittles That’ll Make You Spittle
e. Engine Block Souffle & Other Home-cooked-by-your-car Favorites
f. Skank Burgers and Other Red Neck Recipes


5. This hilarious collection of true tales of mealtime mishaps guides you through the faux pas that other hostesses have made so that you don't make the same mistakes.

a. Confessions Of A Reluctant Hostess: The Truth, The Whole Truth And The Guests Who'll Never Return
b. Honey, I Carved the Kids - Simple Precautions for Gracious Dining
c. The Hostess Who Mistook Her Guest for the Valet and Other True Stories
d. Dinner Party Disasters: True Stories of Culinary Catastrophe
e. Waiter, There Are Snails On My Plate
f. Don’t Sneeze In The Marmalade (Someone Might Be Watching)


6. Now all fabulous women everywhere can have their own mountains of royal fun and food, thanks to this collection of top secret recipes—and the events that inspired them.

a. The Rich Bitch Eats Phat - - Splurging On Haute Cuisine With The Rich And Famous
b. Let Them Eat Cake, Don’t Cry For Me and It’s a Good Thing: Recipes inspired by Marie Antoinette, Evita Perone and Martha Stewart
c. The Sweet Potato Queens' Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner
d. Trust Me, It Really Is Broccoli: Anecdotes from the Royal Chefs of England
e. Don’t Let The Bastards Blow Your Cover: Valerie Plame’s Crockpot Cookbook
f. Fondue You And The Ski-lift You Rode In On: Food and Fun In Switzerland with Prince Charles and Camilla


7. A book about sex that tells us why Junior Leaguers don't do it in groups, why Baptists won't do it standing up, and why Richard Nixon never did it, among other things.

a. Diddly-Doodles and Canoodling in Heartland America
b. Don't Bend over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes
c. Conservatism & Its Sexual Discontents: It’s All About That Rod Up Your Ass
d. Kama Shoulda: What Americans Think About Sex and What They Actually Do
e. The No Zone: Puritan Hang Ups In The Bedroom
f. Lezzdooit: A Compendium Of Modern Fornication


8. When Judith and her cousin Renie go on vacation in a remote and possibly haunted Scottish castle owned by a rich whiskey distillery baron, strange things start occurring.

a. Baron Whiskey and the Daring Lesbians of East Orange Tackle John Barleycorn
b. Ghost O Glenfidditch
c. Liquor Once On The Cheek, Twice On The Lips
d. The Drunken Ghost of Castle MacNought
e. Terribly Sorry, But I Seem To Be Dead
f. Scots on the Rocks


9. The humorous journal of a year in the life of a fourteen-year-old British girl who tries to reduce the size of her nose, stop her mad cat from terrorizing the neighborhood animals, and win the love of handsome hunk Robbie.

a. Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
b. Millicent Moonbeam and the Annals of Boreham Near Elstree
c. The Year of Living Drivellingly
d. Jane & The Mind-Altering Spell Of Fabulousness
e. Harriet Smythe and the Duct Tape Nose Job
f. The Totally Bogus Life of Winifred P. James, Aspiring Dunderhead


10. A "chubby" New York City teen faces pressures from her family to get thin.

a. Phats Holdem's Bootylicious Summer
b. Sticking a Fork in The Big Apple of My Family’s Dreams
c. The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things
d. You're Not Going to Eat That, Are You?
e. Give Me Pasta Or Give Me Death!
f. If You Didn’t Eat The Dog Again, Why Are There Fleas In Your Teeth?



Fake titles were submitted by Dave, Paul Penna, Sarah, Ouch!, Khazar-Khum, writtenwyrdd, blogless_troll, Robin S., ME, EE and anonymous.




Answers



1c 2d 3e 4a 5d 6c 7b 8f 9a 10c

Guess the Title 2

Below are ten actual book descriptions taken from BN.com. One of the given titles belongs with the book; the other five are fakes. Answers at the bottom of the post.


1. A lively, hilarious, not-so-reverent crash course through the great philosophical traditions, schools, concepts, and thinkers. It's Philosophy 101 for everyone who knows not to take all this heavy stuff too seriously.

a. I Think, Therefore I Paaartayyyy!

b. Sex and the Single Thinker

c. Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .

d. Camus or Kant You: Putting Descartes Before the Horkheimer

e. Who'da Thunk It?

f. You've Got Guts Between Your Teeth: An Insider's View of the Dog-Eat-Dog World of Philosophy Through The Ages


2. History--long ennobled as the privileged domain of lofty scholars and erudite minds--really just boils down to four things if you think about it. Who killed who, who conquered who, who screwed who, and in what order.

a. The Low-Brow Guide to World History

b. History and Herstory

c. Death and Sex: The Modern Puritan's Guide to History

d. How to Conquer, Screw, and Kill, Using History as Justification

e. They Kill Liars, Don't They? -- Historical Facts that Never Happened

f. Who Did What to Whom and When: A Cheat Sheet for the Historically Illiterate


3. Classic nursery rhymes with a thoroughly modern and charmingly ironic spin that will make the most sleepless fashionista mom smile, even when she's knee-deep in diapers.

a. Mother Goosed

b. This Little Piggy Went to Prada

c. Blah Blah Blahnik Have you any Rhyme?

d. Mother Goose Hangs Loose

e. Politically Correct Nursery Rhymes: Why Should Men Have All the Fun?

f. Refashioned Fairy Tales


4. Even if you've never attended a wedding in the South, you'll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm

a. Sophistication in the Sticks: Staging a Genteel Hillbilly Wedding

b. Too Many Pork Chops: Love, Weddings and Nineteen Cousins Who Can't Fit The Bridesmaid's Dress

c. Somebody is Going to Die If Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch that Bouquet

d. Take a Bite Outta Mah… Key Lahm Pah

e. "I'm Sure She's Very Nice": How to Survive the Southern Wedding

f. The Sacred and the Profane: Southern Weddings, from Tara Tripping to Trailer Trash


5. Everything you need to know about today's fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion.

a. The Bread Sea Scrolls Interpreted

b. Just Paste That Bacon To Your Thigh: Why Fad Diets Don't Work

c. Good Carbs/Evil Carbs: What You Must know to Get to Thin Heaven

d. Celebrating the Church of the Eternal Sourdough

e. Rice Guys Finish First

f. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


6. Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped, that will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate.

a. Evil Editor: Nekkid

b. "I'd Love You If You Lost Twenty Pounds" (And other failed pick up lines)

c. Bull Hockey: Games for REAL Men (and we don't mean you girlie NFL players)

d. My Life among the Invertebrates and other Spineless Creatures

e. Ballbusters!

f. The Alphabet of Manliness


7. Never in the history of humankind have so many people uttered so many statements they know to be untrue. From presidents to priests, from corporate executives to lowly wage slaves, people have taken to saying not what they actually believe, but what they believe others want to hear.

a. Advertising: An Introduction

b. Your Call is Important To Us

c. Excuses to God for My Politics

d. The Slippery Slope of our Slimey Slogans

e. "I Love that Outfit!"-- BullShitting Your Way Through Life

f. Lyin’ Dogs and Laxity: When Tall Tales Take Over


8. A hilarious, good-natured spoof on more than fifty self-help books, this book will leave you feeling better about who you are and laughing your way to becoming the person God created you to be.

a. Teatime with God and the 7 Habits of Omniscience

b. As Seen On TV, Or Ten Minutes To a Perfect You

c. Don't Buy this Book . . . Unless You Want to be Over-paid, Over-sexed, Under-worked, and Halfway to Heaven

d. Maybe Life's Just Not That Into You

e. How to Kill Everyone Who Annoys You Without Wiping Out The People You Might Need Later

f. Self-Help for the Self-Help-Impaired


9. The poseur's bible, but with less religious overtones than the real bible-and more pointers on conspicuously carrying an NPR tote bag.

a. Everything I Know I Learned from Baby Jesus in the Manger

b. The Good Bits Bible (Unitarian Universalist Edition)

c. God Wants You to Vote for Me: the Politician's Guide to Acting Devout

d. Faking it: How to Seem Like a Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself

e. The New Book of Judges (Without All That Judgmental Crap)

f. Pious Eye for the Agnostic Guy


10. A cranked-up collection of affirmations for mommies on the edge, self-styled divas, and domestic goddesses everywhere.

a. Why Mommy Takes Prozac

b. How to Survive Every Ailment Your Kid Can Have, Bake a Mean Souffle, Be the Most Popular Mom on Earth, and Bring Home the Bacon with a Home-Based Business

c. Feminazis, The Maytag Repairman & Other Myths of Mommyhood

d. Gynosaurs: The Lifetime Network As Scripture

e. You Say I'm a Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing

f. Take Your F**king Shoes Off When You Come In Here




Answers Below



Fake titles were submitted by Dave, Robin S., writtenwyrdd, Bill Highsmith, Scott, freddie, Ouch!, Khazar-khum, Evil Editor, and Anonymous





1: c; 2: a; 3: b; 4: c; 5: f; 6: f; 7:b; 8: d; 9: d 10: e

Guess the Title 1

Below are five book descriptions taken from Amazon.com. Your job is to guess which title goes with each description. Think of it as reverse Guess the Plot. Answers are below the quiz.


A. Robert wants to be a star in the movies. He has invented a system with his computer that could put the old stars back on the screen, alongside him. He has the script and the money, but Hollywood isn't keen. Could the perfect partnership lie with Ernest Fudgepacker of Fudgepacker's Emporium?

1. The Importance of Being a Purple Rose in Egypt

2. Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

3. Lauren Bacall Hates My Guts

4. Talkies, Zombies and Wannabes

5. The Anal Retentive Tourist

6. CPU Oughtta Be In Pixels


B. A passel of brainy, witty sf and dark fantasy writers amuse themselves by sitting around talking about odd diseases.

1. Fifteen Diseases that Could End Civilization as We Know It

2. Blue Rubber Bleb Nevus Syndrome Gave Me Bowel Nipples

3. Scab-Picking Time on Taurus IV

4. Diagnosis: Geeky

5. Homogeneous and Heterogeneous Catalysis in the Realms of the Vampyre

6. The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases


C. A survival guide for parents who find themselves marooned among volatile and incomprehensible aliens on Planet Teen.

1. Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?

2. Moms are from Mars, Dads are from Venus, Kids are a Pain in Uranus

3. Don't Have Sex, Make Sure He Uses a Condom, and Other Things to Tell Your Teen

4. Surviving the Alien Freak Who Took Over Your Kid's Room

5. There's Julie, Pretend We're Not Together, Mom

6. Teenagers Were Never Like This When I Was One


D. A lab pigeon who believes that he and his cohorts are human, narrates this rollicking tale about experimental subjects who are kept sated with tobacco and sherry.

1. Squabbles

2. The Pulp Pigeon Papers

3. Birdman of the Alcatraz Testing Labs

4. Succulent Squab on the Lam

5. Frisco Pigeon Mambo

6. Murder Most Fowl


E. Feminism, family values, these modern times, shopping, and the battle of the sexes are covered in this no-holds-barred assault on complacency.

1. If You Wanted Any Action You Should Have Noticed My Haircut

2. Get Off Your Ass, Mo-Fo: How to Cope with the Straight Dope in 12 Easy Lessons

3. Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye

4. Father Knows NOTHING

5. Lesbian Bitches from Valhalla and the Battle for the Mall of America!

6. The Adventures of Abigail Schnit and the Cocaine Tampon



Answers Below



The following people contributed fake titles: Dave, Ouch, Bill Highsmith, Khazar-khum, blogless_troll, Scott, ME, Robin S., December/Stacia, Evil Editor, and Anonymous.



The actual book titles that match the plots are:




A: 2; B: 6; C: 1; D: 5; E: 3