Friday, August 03, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. The Teamsters are threatening to go on strike unless they get twelve paid sick days and five Demon Days per year. When Seth Longhaul resurrects the ghost of Jimmy Hoffa to arbitrate, he unleashes an army of the living dead and they're siding with management. Can the rank and file take back their union and save their jobs?
2. All the saints have one, so why do the demons get the short end of the liturgical calendar? It will be raining fire and brimstone as the hell-dwelling minions escalate their protest, demanding equal time and Demon Days of Obligation. Can St. Patrick convince them that demon alcohol is a better tribute than some random day of the year?
3. Young department store worker Hillary Shakes is excited about her promotion to Women's shoe department manager, until she finds out that the store is having a big sale to attract business from the untapped demon market niche - but the shoes in stock won't fit their hairy feet!
4. When Asha Santos takes a job at Hell's Gate Enterprises, she discovers that the employees are all demons, and they all have PMS. What's worse, they've stuck her on the graveyard shift--literally. Can she survive long enough to land a spot on the day shift? Also, a weredingo.
5. As an Augustinian nun, Angel's nights are full of prayer and loneliness in her cloistered room. But when she receives the opportunity to work in the secular community, Baptists, Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses all bow to her power of prayer!
6. Mrs. Freida Tock, who just moved into Fair Oaks, decides to volunteer for the Parent-Teacher Association refreshments committee. Perhaps she wouldn't have if she'd known the other ladies in her neighborhood referred to PTA meetings as Demon Days....
When a demon daughter joins the family business, she learns there's more to life than Hell. [Oddly, when most people join their family business they learn that life is nothing but hell.]
Asha Santos's absent demon father is in Melbourne to oversee operations of the new Hell's Gate Enterprises Complex. Asha takes a job there, if only because of the money.
But the Princess of Darkness didn't take into account the other demons, who seem to permanently have PMS. [And you should see the female demons.] [Asha is the Princess of Darkness?] The resident weredingo is in a suspiciously kinky relationship that intrigues voyeuristic Asha as much as it disturbs her. [A week ago I'd never heard of weredingos; now I can't get away from them.] Then there's the matter of policing the back-alley blood cartel who've taken their business downtown.
At first Asha assumes these are all separate things, part of the daily running of a supernatural empire. But working the graveyard shift – literally – links them in a way that points straight to Hell. [The company is Hell's Gate and the employees are demons and Asha's a demon daughter/Princess of Darkness. She shouldn't be bothered by her setting pointing to Hell. This makes it sound like she's shocked to discover she's working over the hellmouth.]
This is the fifth and final query from the author of the recent zombie and weredingo books. Had I not been desperate for queries at the time, he/she would have sent one at a time, and no doubt shown marked improvement. As it is, we again have a few highlights without connecting the ideas into a cohesive plot.