Tuesday, July 17, 2007

New Beginning 317

It's one of the more spectacular of wrestling's more easy moves, which is to say a move everybody who gets into the ring is expected to be able to do.

It's called a crucifix. Basically, one guy stands in the middle of the ring with his arms at nine and three o'clock. He looks a little like he's being crucified.

The other guy comes off the ropes, running at top speed. He ducks under the first guy's arm, still running at top speed, raising his right arm as he goes. As you run past him put your right arm up and catch his right arm. Garb your right hand with your left hand and interlace your fingers. Swing your ass up high and your legs up higher so your right leg wraps around his left arm and your left leg then wraps around your right leg.

Drop your left arm and left leg. Your weight will now pull the other guy down. That means he tucks up and rolls onto his back for a pin.

So why did he have to try it for the first timer with the man monster, Richter?

Jason had a gap between theory and practice. A point at which he couldn't remember what had happened. It might still be there, for all Jason knew, had that gap not been pierced by Davis Storm.

"For what it's worth, I think you landed right. . . I don't think it helped." A pause. "The really interesting thing is your legs kept looking for the arm the whole time you were going down."

Arm?” Jason said. “I thought my legs were supposed to look for each other.”

Davis shook his head. “One more thing. If he bows his head and puts his fingers together in front of his chest, grab him through the hole made by his forearms. We call that Saint Peter at Prayer. And if he has his knees bent, and his head so low it looks like it’s missing, we call that John the Baptist. If he kneels--”

“Pardon me, brother. I knew there'd be physical education at divinity school, but I was expecting something more along the lines of marathon running or--”

“Marathon?” Davis looked puzzled; then his eyes lit up. “Ah. Of course. You mean Exodus from Egypt. That's next quarter.”

Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: RT


Robin S. said...

Hi Jason,

I really like this. I don't know anything at all about wrestling, but I could picture the move as you described it, and read on without pause. I'd read more, right now.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. You can either have "the other guy" running this move, or "you", or "Jason". Not all three at once. Between that, the insane complication of right arm/left leg/left arm/right leg for an entire paragraph, and the fact that you misspelled "grab", I'd toss this right out. I'd be interested in reading about wrestlers, and was grabbed by your first sentence despite the grammatical weirdness, but your first few paragraphs tell me that it would be more trouble than it's worth.

In other words, I liked the content, but hated the presentation.

Bump in the Night said...

Looks like a fun place to open a story, and the continuation was great.

I got lost in the opening's details about the wrestling move and wondered if I really needed to know all that. Got a little mixed up afterward, too. I wondered if the "gap" was between theory and practice or in his memory, something Davis Storm could fill in (pierce?).

But I may have just missed something after trying to visualize the crucifix wrestling move.

For what it's worth, have you considered opening this story with the actual action? Might be great fun. Have one guy bouncing around off the ropes, the other guy standing in the center of the ring, arms outstretched, trying to remember what goes where as he's being tossed around or pummeled or whatever's happening to him.

Just a thought. Best of luck with this.

Evil Editor said...

Unchosen continuation:

The man, a producer, sighed and motioned for Jason to step out of the ring.

"We thank you for that . . . ah, demonstration, but it really isn't necessary in our auditions for an announcer. Next!"


writtenwyrdd said...

I'm sorry, but I didn't like this. It wasn't badly written, but it forced me to try and visualize something that never became clear. Anytime anyone gives me long descriptions of something really complicated, I find myself either losing interest or confused. You need to simplify these actions to the barest minimum instead of go into minutae right off the bat.

Also, I hate wrestling.

Bonnie said...

I'm confused. I am not even sure how many people there are in this piece. Richter, Davis Storm, Jason, the two guys in the ring in the first few paragraphs, and the narrator describing the action? There might also be a "you," but I think that's just a shift of perspective, not another person.

I can't tell if this is a first-person narrator talking about wrestling and Jason, expressing the opinion that Jason shouldn't have tried it with Richter, or if Jason's supposed to be the narrator talking about himself, or what.

I do get the impression that something bad has just happened. Like, probably, something Richter did has caused Jason to be paralyzed doing this move. I like the narrative's tone and voice, too. I'm not that fond of wrestling but I might read this anyway, if it wasn't all this confusing.

Dave Fragments said...

The sum total of the opening is that Jason tried and failed, landing with a thump. You could say:

Jason bounded off the ropes to try his first {whatever} hold and missed, landing with a loud thump and the giggles of everyone around him.
"Uh Dude, at least you know how to land so you don't get hurt."

And then you don't need all that complex arm and leg entangling, entwining, stuff. Nor do you have to say "MORE spectacular of wrestling's MORE easy moves," which is MORE than most can take.

Evil Editor said...

There aren't ropes in amateur wrestling, right? Is this professional wrestling? Whether it's real or staged, why would the opponent of a wrestler running right at him just stand there in the crucifix position? Shouldn't he be defending himself, or trying to make it look like he's defending himself?

Robin S. said...

Isn't this what I think is called classical or Greco-Roman wrestling? The Olympic sport?

I liked the opening, because it reads initially like non-fiction.

Robin S. said...

OK- I was wrong. I just corrected myself with a quick Google. And the ring. Should've thought of that.

Now, I'm really confused. Why does the guy stand there like a crucifix? I don't get it. Is that just one of the ways the "game" begins traditionally?

Stacy said...

To me it read like a wrestling instruction manual. Too bad I didn't have this around when I was a kid; might have been useful in defending myself against my older brother.

McKoala said...

First para was great, and no problem with the second. But the third...I don't have the patience for this kind of extended explanation unless it's crucial to the plot, and on the first page with no plot to speak of, that third paragraph turned me off completely.

Wrestling's an interesting scenario, though, even if it's not my thing.

Dave Fragments said...

Let's see:
a) high school and collegiate wrestling is done without ropes on a circular mat.
b) "amateur" backyard wrestling is done with whatever ring they devise,
c) semi-pro and professional wrestling (not yet the TV Big Time) are done in a cage or boxing ring. The Octagon is not wrestling but the western version of Mu Thai.
Big time TV wrestling is a show, not a sport.
d) Greco Roman wrestling and Olympic Wrestling are synonymous in this day and age. No one wrestles the way the original Greeks did a few thousand years ago.
e) interestingly, Mu Thai, Karate, JuJitsu and all those are done without rings.
f) Finally, the Turks have a type of Greco-Roman wrestling where they wear long leather pants and smear olive oil all over their bodies. First person to slide the other to the ground, wins.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, muscles, oil and leather...

*Fans myself*

Anonymous said...

Not being too excited by wrestling, I read the first paragraph, lost all interest early in the second, and skipped to the continuation -- which was brilliant.

Chris Eldin said...

Scoot, me too!! HeeHee!

I was confused, but that's a normal state of being for me. But I still think there was too much description of arms/legs etc.

Bernita said...

Maybe "It's called the crucifix" is your opening line?
There doesn't seem to be any reason to detail all the body moves of the ...um..execution. Wrestling affectionadoes might like it, but others eyes glaze.