tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4232398312672090163..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 317Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22697071334156401122007-07-19T09:54:00.000-04:002007-07-19T09:54:00.000-04:00Maybe "It's called the crucifix" is your opening l...Maybe "It's called the crucifix" is your opening line?<BR/>There doesn't seem to be any reason to detail all the body moves of the ...um..execution. Wrestling affectionadoes might like it, but others eyes glaze.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44015563856184798142007-07-18T11:50:00.000-04:002007-07-18T11:50:00.000-04:00Scoot, me too!! HeeHee!I was confused, but that's ...Scoot, me too!! HeeHee!<BR/><BR/>I was confused, but that's a normal state of being for me. But I still think there was too much description of arms/legs etc.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55682370928843525592007-07-18T07:56:00.000-04:002007-07-18T07:56:00.000-04:00Not being too excited by wrestling, I read the fir...Not being too excited by wrestling, I read the first paragraph, lost all interest early in the second, and skipped to the continuation -- which was brilliant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1474714920307374982007-07-18T07:34:00.000-04:002007-07-18T07:34:00.000-04:00Hmm, muscles, oil and leather...*Fans myself*Hmm, muscles, oil and leather...<BR/><BR/>*Fans myself*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16459990695029685222007-07-17T23:32:00.000-04:002007-07-17T23:32:00.000-04:00Let's see: a) high school and collegiate wrestling...Let's see: <BR/>a) high school and collegiate wrestling is done without ropes on a circular mat. <BR/>b) "amateur" backyard wrestling is done with whatever ring they devise, <BR/>c) semi-pro and professional wrestling (not yet the TV Big Time) are done in a cage or boxing ring. The Octagon is not wrestling but the western version of Mu Thai. <BR/>Big time TV wrestling is a show, not a sport. <BR/>d) Greco Roman wrestling and Olympic Wrestling are synonymous in this day and age. No one wrestles the way the original Greeks did a few thousand years ago. <BR/>e) interestingly, Mu Thai, Karate, JuJitsu and all those are done without rings. <BR/>f) Finally, the Turks have a type of Greco-Roman wrestling where they wear long leather pants and smear olive oil all over their bodies. First person to slide the other to the ground, wins.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64686496547141780692007-07-17T22:39:00.000-04:002007-07-17T22:39:00.000-04:00First para was great, and no problem with the seco...First para was great, and no problem with the second. But the third...I don't have the patience for this kind of extended explanation unless it's crucial to the plot, and on the first page with no plot to speak of, that third paragraph turned me off completely. <BR/><BR/>Wrestling's an interesting scenario, though, even if it's not my thing.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2595203024235065562007-07-17T18:04:00.000-04:002007-07-17T18:04:00.000-04:00To me it read like a wrestling instruction manual....To me it read like a wrestling instruction manual. Too bad I didn't have this around when I was a kid; might have been useful in defending myself against my older brother.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13534648640127305362007-07-17T16:56:00.000-04:002007-07-17T16:56:00.000-04:00OK- I was wrong. I just corrected myself with a qu...OK- I was wrong. I just corrected myself with a quick Google. And the ring. Should've thought of that.<BR/><BR/>Now, I'm really confused. Why does the guy stand there like a crucifix? I don't get it. Is that just one of the ways the "game" begins traditionally?Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72044461528691571012007-07-17T16:48:00.000-04:002007-07-17T16:48:00.000-04:00Isn't this what I think is called classical or Gre...Isn't this what I think is called classical or Greco-Roman wrestling? The Olympic sport?<BR/><BR/>I liked the opening, because it reads initially like non-fiction.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15938134997030946222007-07-17T16:28:00.000-04:002007-07-17T16:28:00.000-04:00There aren't ropes in amateur wrestling, right? Is...There aren't ropes in amateur wrestling, right? Is this professional wrestling? Whether it's real or staged, why would the opponent of a wrestler running right at him just stand there in the crucifix position? Shouldn't he be defending himself, or trying to make it look like he's defending himself?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13278499909894160462007-07-17T15:17:00.000-04:002007-07-17T15:17:00.000-04:00The sum total of the opening is that Jason tried a...The sum total of the opening is that Jason tried and failed, landing with a thump. You could say: <BR/><BR/><I>Jason bounded off the ropes to try his first {whatever} hold and missed, landing with a loud thump and the giggles of everyone around him. <BR/>"Uh Dude, at least you know how to land so you don't get hurt." </I><BR/><BR/>And then you don't need all that complex arm and leg entangling, entwining, stuff. Nor do you have to say <I>"MORE spectacular of wrestling's MORE easy moves," </I> which is MORE than most can take.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57613778667945688022007-07-17T14:17:00.000-04:002007-07-17T14:17:00.000-04:00I'm confused. I am not even sure how many people ...I'm confused. I am not even sure how many people there are in this piece. Richter, Davis Storm, Jason, the two guys in the ring in the first few paragraphs, and the narrator describing the action? There might also be a "you," but I think that's just a shift of perspective, not another person.<BR/><BR/>I can't tell if this is a first-person narrator talking about wrestling and Jason, expressing the opinion that Jason shouldn't have tried it with Richter, or if Jason's supposed to be the narrator talking about himself, or what. <BR/><BR/>I do get the impression that something bad has just happened. Like, probably, something Richter did has caused Jason to be paralyzed doing this move. I like the narrative's tone and voice, too. I'm not that fond of wrestling but I might read this anyway, if it wasn't all this confusing.Bonniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07895569211498067204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84620460401810616172007-07-17T14:05:00.000-04:002007-07-17T14:05:00.000-04:00I'm sorry, but I didn't like this. It wasn't badl...I'm sorry, but I didn't like this. It wasn't badly written, but it forced me to try and visualize something that never became clear. Anytime anyone gives me long descriptions of something really complicated, I find myself either losing interest or confused. You need to simplify these actions to the barest minimum instead of go into minutae right off the bat.<BR/><BR/>Also, I hate wrestling.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17087717403402935872007-07-17T13:52:00.000-04:002007-07-17T13:52:00.000-04:00Unchosen continuation:The man, a producer, sighed ...Unchosen continuation:<BR/><BR/>The man, a producer, sighed and motioned for Jason to step out of the ring.<BR/><BR/>"We thank you for that . . . ah, demonstration, but it really isn't necessary in our auditions for an announcer. Next!" <BR/><BR/>--freddieEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60442073677747001112007-07-17T13:48:00.000-04:002007-07-17T13:48:00.000-04:00Looks like a fun place to open a story, and the co...Looks like a fun place to open a story, and the continuation was great. <BR/><BR/>I got lost in the opening's details about the wrestling move and wondered if I really needed to know all that. Got a little mixed up afterward, too. I wondered if the "gap" was between theory and practice or in his memory, something Davis Storm could fill in (pierce?). <BR/><BR/>But I may have just missed something after trying to visualize the crucifix wrestling move. <BR/><BR/>For what it's worth, have you considered opening this story with the actual action? Might be great fun. Have one guy bouncing around off the ropes, the other guy standing in the center of the ring, arms outstretched, trying to remember what goes where as he's being tossed around or pummeled or whatever's happening to him. <BR/><BR/>Just a thought. Best of luck with this.Bump in the Nighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09437838211195008105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70633842426110035532007-07-17T13:29:00.000-04:002007-07-17T13:29:00.000-04:00Oh, wow. You can either have "the other guy" runni...Oh, wow. You can either have "the other guy" running this move, or "you", or "Jason". Not all three at once. Between that, the insane complication of right arm/left leg/left arm/right leg for an entire paragraph, and the fact that you misspelled "grab", I'd toss this right out. I'd be interested in reading about wrestlers, and was grabbed by your first sentence despite the grammatical weirdness, but your first few paragraphs tell me that it would be more trouble than it's worth.<BR/><BR/>In other words, I liked the content, but hated the presentation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4904354358037826812007-07-17T13:21:00.000-04:002007-07-17T13:21:00.000-04:00Hi Jason,I really like this. I don't know anything...Hi Jason,<BR/><BR/>I really like this. I don't know anything at all about wrestling, but I could picture the move as you described it, and read on without pause. I'd read more, right now.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.com