Saturday, July 21, 2007

Bad Analogies, Part 2

I woke up this morning with the seed of a bad analogy bouncing around in my mind, like a tiny brown Mexican jumping bean that wiggles around in your hand for a while and then falls dormant until long after the 7 pm Eastern time deadline, when at last it will hatch into an insignificant silver moth, flutter aimlessly around for a few days, reach the end of its life cycle, and die. --Ali

The brushfire reminded him of bleeding hemorrhoids, cutting a red gash across the virgin forest leaving ugly black and brown stains in its wake. --Dave

The red-white earth was cracked and scarred, like the face of a tuna boat captain using SPF 2. --Truthteller

Watching Larry Flynt and the D.C. Madam work together is like watching President Bush and Dick Cheney smoke pot then one of them gives a news conference about Iraq and the other shoots his lawyer and you're wondering if this is reality T.V. or an episode of 'Where in the World is Matt Lauer.' --takoda

They welcomed me with open arms, like a new guy on the cell block. --stick and move

She was as polished as a query submitted to Evil Editor. --Khazar-khum

As she climbed the ladder up out of the swimming pool, her wet hair caught the sunlight and shone like wet seaweed in the sun after it had washed up on shore but before it dried up and started smelling really bad. It was just beautiful. --Robin S.

Harold peered into the night at the narrow road which meandered seemingly at random, kind of like a stray string of spaghetti still stuck to the wall after a fight about having stayed at the bar until well after the game finished instead of coming home to help set the table; it's a good thing it was Sunday, because Mondays it's chicken pot pie. --ril

Her smeared lipstick reminded him of a birthmark on the buttocks of an ugly child. --Dave

He wanted to make it quick and get back to his own room, but she made him work at it, like a dog eating peanut butter. --Truthteller


Chris Eldin said...

Dog eating peanut-butter! Now that's pretty funny!!

When I drove to Florida with my two sisters in a previous life, we pulled off to the side of the road next to a long and rather wide stream because we saw an alligator swimming:

"Hey! Let's feed it our PBJ sandwiches!"

"Okay! Me first!"

"Wow! He looks just like a dog eating peanut butter."

"Look. Here come three more. Awww! He has a family. Do we have enough sandwiches?

"Yeah. Just for each."

"What's that guy pulling over for?"

"Just wants to take pictures, I guess."

"How far up do you think we can get the alligators to come?"

"Let's get them to come close to us."

"Why's that guy leaving? Stupid touron."

"Aren't they cute? Alligators look like they're smiling when you're up close."

"Ready to go?"

"Guess so. What are we gonna do now?"

"Don't know. I'm bored."

"Me too."

Brenda said...

AHAHAHAHA! Like the new guy in the cell block! I LOVE THAT ONE!