Saturday, July 14, 2007

Guess the Plot

A while back I posted the titles of some books that were nominated for some award from some organization and invited Guess the Plot writers to try their hand at them. There wasn't a lot of interest, but here's what we came up with. Correct answers at the bottom.

The Testing of Luther Albright

1.Luther Albright's son tests him with various acts of teenage rebellion, like shaving his head and reckless horseplay on the roof. But there are as many cracks in the Albright family relationships as there are in the earthquake-ravaged house Luther built. Luther fails.

2. When Luther Albright is identified as The Perfectly Average Child, he is taken to a secret location by the government for use in developing standardized tests. Can Luther provide the means to stop racial violence and to equalize education for all, or will the government muck it all up again?

3. Festus, Titus and Cletus, reputedly the three dumbest kids in high school, join the gang at Luther Albright's "Ink Stains," a new tattoo parlor in downtown Apalachicola. When Festus mispells Antebellum with an "i", when Titus throws out the days receipts and when Cletus leaves a skidmark in front of the shop, Luther flunks the three young men back to school.

4. Luther loved his mother; she was less enamored of her wayward son. When the family attorney reads Martha Albright's will, Luther is shocked to learn the conditions she set for him to inherit her fortune. How would he go about finding a fairy princess, let alone marrying her? What he did know was Meevers, his mother's old retainer, might be able to help him - if Luther could resurrect him.

Shoot the Buffalo

1. Come one, come all and watch as Buffalo Bill Cody, Annie Oakley and Spot, the wonder Chihuahua, battle Cherokee indians and drunken settlers to carve a new Ponderosa in South Pass City, Wyoming. Also, the ghost of Andrew Jackson appears as a railway conductor.

2. Nine-year-old Aldous Bohm's parents leave him alone with his younger siblings. When the kids go looking for the parents, one of them dies of hypothermia. Aldous is wracked by guilt, and later joins the army. Also, a drug-addicted uncle in the attic.

3. He has no name; he is of the herd. The mother protects him, the cousins gather round him as they follow the paths of sweet clovers across the plains. But to others he is special, unique even. They give him a name: Cloud Mane. They follow the herd on their striding beasts and watch him, waiting for the time when they can harvest his pure white pelt. Only by learning the arts of the ancients, and learning to trust his human instincts, will Cloud Mane the Minotaur be able to escape the Alustrein Hunters.

4. All anyone at Sherman High cared about was hot cars, fast women and totally wicked skiing. To get the girl of his dreams, Matt Dongle has to ski the Buffalo: an illegal slope with a deadly record. Matt learns a little about life, a little about love, and a lot about skis when he attempts to Shoot the Buffalo.

5. When a lesbian big-game hunter and a gay National Geographic nature photographer meet over a water buffalo carcass in Africa, they form an unlikely alliance to expose deadly corruption in the world's largest intravenous drug manufacturing company.

Skin Tax

1. Dominique "The Dom" Slavenka is the president of the Wurthington Heights International Party of Dominatrixes (WHIPD). When the mayor proposes that all ladies of the night pay a skin tax for every customer, Dominique knows she must expose him for the wussy submissive he is in their "sessions." Also, a wisecracking private investigator.

2. a collection of poems concerning flesh and all its failings and sinful pleasures. Sample: I Rub My Hands: with your cream / cocoa butter & aloe / on my skin reminds me of the times / I've denied your love // In the supermarket

3. It was bad enough when the corporations started charging for oxygen. But this new tax has given Bunty a real conundrum. She loves Rudi the mechanic; Rudi the mechanic loves big girls. If Buntas wants her man, she's going to have to add 120 lbs. But with the annual skin census approaching, can Bunty afford to be the apple of Rudi's eye?

4. Tired of exposed naval rings, boxer brims and pants around the ankles of the teenagers in Southhaven, NC, the City Council enacts an innovative method of curbing the problem: A skin tax. Now, they just need to find the right person for the job. Also, a Bowie knife.

5. In a genius move to consolidate power, the governing majority enacts a tax on melanin and requires documented proof of payment before any citizen is allowed to vote. When Victor Conte shows up with his new cream that eliminates melanin from the skin, the governing majority are forced into a major ethical dilemma.

Somewhere Else

1. What can a young lad do when his Dad beats him and his Mum forgets to feed him? For Jon the answer is to dream. But when Mrs Prinker, the mad old lady next door, shoves a diamond key into his pocket, Jon must decide: Can he solve the mystery of the citadel? And does he want to rescue his parents from the Shriven Man?

2. Gaelic-phile and Leprechaun wannabee, Mtombe Wallace-Jones describes the adventures of two Roman Soldiers in ancient Ireland sent by Emporer Claudius as they search for the Pot of Gold in Gilhooly, Cairn and west Liverlee. Along the way, they rape, pillage and plunder only to find the gold is . . . Somewhere Else.

3. When Nick is drafted to be sent "over there," he decides he'd rather be "somewhere else" and skedaddles off to Canada.

4. From Canadian forests to upland Croatia, from Scottish islands to London suburbs, this darkly humorous book is destined to become a classic of the fishing genre.

Scalding Heart

1. A book that explores the emotional sightline of pain, joy and a passion that pushes humanity to dare explore itself. It reads like a road map of experience. It scolds and soothes. Here is a new American voice for the ages.

2. Bart has a door built into his chest. He tours medical schools across America, displaying his beating heart to students for a fee. It's a living, after all.

3. A cookbook for the daring: Master Chef and TV Star Hiroyaki Yakimoto tackles the haute cuisine of sweetmeats, his specialty being "The Scalded Heart" of the giant sperm whale. Also, cooking an entire cow in a microwave oven.

4. Hymie's passion ran deeper than Andrea could possibly know, his heart so hot for her it actually ached in his chest. When he asks her to the prom and her reply is, "Not in this lifetime," Hymie becomes a vampire with the hopes of turning Andrea into one also. Now he can afford a whole lot of lifetimes.


1; 2; 2; 4; 1


Rik said...

I get the impression that my suggested story lines aren't quite what the judges were looking for ...

Dave Fragments said...

I got three wrong? what?
A book of poetry? whooda thought!

Chris Eldin said...

Scalding Heart was number 1? Yikes!
That was fun to read! Thanks!

PJD said...

I only missed one... the poetry book! Thanks for pulling this together, EE. I think we didn't get more entries because the notice scrolled down pretty quickly. Still, it was fun.