Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Guess the Plot
Trust Me, Love Me, Let Me
1. Vienna Hampton never suspected her boyfriend was a con artist, even when he whispered, "If you trust me, if you love me, then you'll let me borrow your credit cards."
2. Tom Langton, self-help guru, is scheduled for a massive publicity push to support his new book. His rival threatens a counter-campaign to reveal Tom's failed personal life, so Tom asks his beautiful new neighbor to pretend to be his girlfriend. Hilarity ensues.
3. Rock star Jacob Lindsey hasn't noticed that his personal assistant, Beth, has been in love with him since she was in a training bra. Maybe if she quits he'll realize that there's more to life than fame, fortune, groupies, and being worshiped by millions.
4. A warts-and-all look at modern romance, from the first meeting, one enchanted night on a moonlit beach, to the discreet appointment at the specialist clinic for diseases of the rectum.
5. Memoir of fraud literary agent Nick Chambers, focusing on how he seduced would-be romance authors and fleeced them for thousands of dollars in "reading fees."
6. A young girl tries to convince her overprotective parents that if they really loved her, they'd let her get piercings, take birth control and date the hot construction worker down the street.
Trust Me, Love Me, Let Me is a completed 73,000 word contemporary romance set in Los Angeles, CA.
Jacob Lindsey is this year’s big thing in music. ["Big thing" is pretty general. Try this: Jacob Lindsey is this year’s Hootie and the Blowfish.] As his personal assistant, Beth Lawson sees sides of him the public never gets to witness. Lately, that means covering for his excessive partying as he rides the smashing success of his first album. [Music stars don't want their partying covered up; they want it covered by . . . the press.] She’s been his friend since she was fourteen, but loyalty only buys so much patience, and she’s sick of being taken for granted. [That makes sense only if he's the one who's been loyal. He can't buy her patience with her loyalty. He can buy it with his friendship.]
After a car accident sets Beth up for months of recovery, she quits her job, [When you haven't shown up for two months, chances are you were replaced five weeks ago anyway.] [Somehow, after two months of hospital bills and physical therapy bills and no pay checks, quitting your job doesn't seem like the brightest move.] reconnects with her estranged father, and starts over. When Jacob orchestrates a reunion months later, she thinks he’s going to beg her to come back to work, instead discovering he’s determined to prove he can’t stop thinking about her. [How can he prove that?
[Jacob: Beth, I can't stop thinking about you.
Beth: Prove it.
Jacob: Okay. I'm thinking about you right now.
Beth: What about now?
Jacob: Still thinking about you.
Beth: And now?
Jacob: Still you.
Beth: Neat. So I was wondering . . . What'reyouthinkin'boutnow?
Jacob: Tiger Woods. SHIT!]
She fears she won’t be able to keep up in his world, but she’s loved him since she was in a training bra and [he's loved her since she moved into a C cup and she] can’t turn him down. [What is it she can't turn down? Did he ask her to come back to work? Did he propose? If she's not going to be working for him, why is she afraid she won't be able to keep up in his world?]
I am an unpublished author looking for representation. The synopsis and manuscript are available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. [You can drop the first and last sentences of that paragraph.]
She's been his friend since she was fourteen, and she's loved him since she was in a training bra. First tell me how old she was when she was in a training bra, and then I'll ask my next question.
The reconnecting with her estranged father does nothing for the query since we know nothing about why they're estranged and it's never mentioned again.
Does Jacob take Beth for granted despite knowing she loves him, or has she kept this fact from him? It sounds like she's upset because she has to cover for him so he won't look like a jerk. But if that's one of the duties of a personal assistant, and she's getting paid, then what's really annoying her is that he hasn't professed his undying love for her.
So maybe the main plot is that Beth has long loved Jacob, but he sees her as just a friend, so she quits her job as his personal assistant. He soon realizes that fame and fortune aren't bringing him happiness because Beth isn't there to share it with him. Wait, sorry, that's the plot of Jerry Maguire.
But if that's also your story, the covering for his partying and the car accident are obscuring the romantic angle somewhat. We don't need to know about the accident; we need to know she gave up on his ever realizing they were meant for each other. Focus on the romance.