Bad Query 8

Dear Mr. Editor,

The title of my novel, Forced Air, is two words long; the same applies to my name and my protagonist’s, as neither of us, oddly enough, have middle names. My nom de plume, in the other hand, contains 8 words and 43 characters. I trust you will agree that I have made every word of my novel count, from my dedication (183 words) to my epilogue (3287 words). The novel itself is proportioned thus:

Introduction: 3

Prologue: 287

Description of Rob Hoover and other characters: 6921

Dramatic foreshadowing: 53, or 7821 if Rob’s speculation on time portals counts

Characters mocking Rob for not being flatulent: 12,381, 32 three quarter-words, 451 half-words, and 3 one third-words (I have a character who interrupts a lot and generates great hilarity) (for an exact calculation to the 8th decimal of where each word was interrupted, see Appendix A for this query letter)

Rob bemoaning his sad, windless state: 8940

Rob’s journey through time until meeting Columbus: 1

Rob and Columbus’s lessons on cutting the cheese, literally: 3122, 581 repeats (Christopher Columbus stutters) (see Appendix B for a complete breakdown of these words)

Rob and Columbus’s lessons on cutting the cheese, figuratively: 4819, 784 repeats (ditto and ditto)

Rob’s triumphant return: 83,256

Appendix A, various versions of “The Musical Fruit:” 5643

Appendix B, a medical description of flatulence: 438

Appendix C, illustrations: 56


This query letter was 240 words long.

Sincerely,

--_*Rachel*_