Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bad Query 3

Dear Mr. Evil Editor,


I have spent five years writing a novel but spent a lifetime preparing for it.


I am a Dartmouth graduate with a B.A. in Electrical Engineering with a Robotics emphasis. As you are undoubtedly aware, Dartmouth is renowned for its scholars. To name only a few: Chris Miller, writer for National Lampoon and co-writer of Animal House; Jean Passanante, Head Writer for As the World Turns and recipient of Writer Guilds of America Award in 2007; David Benioff, screenwriter Troy, Stephen Geller, screenwriter Slaughterhouse-Five, and Fred Rogers, creator of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, (he dropped out before graduating, however). Although, Dartmouth has many other famous graduates, I only named the few you would be familiar with.


I am unsure how many students at Dartmouth are the offspring of the rich and famous, I assure you that I am not one of them, having acquired a huge debt, (approximately $50,000 per quarter). I am, therefore, ‘in touch’ with your readership even though I graduated from an IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY.


Founded in 1767 and located in the New Hampshire, Dartmouth has a flexible, unique calendar, (a quarter system), which gave me time to write and thoroughly edit my novel, while other students, (60%), used this flexibility to study abroad.


Please let me know when you are available to read my manuscript.


Author W. Annabe


--Vivian Whetham

10 comments:

Sophia said...

LOL. Very well done. :D

fairyhedgehog said...

I wouldn't have thought it possible to write a query entirely about Dartmouth but I was wrong. This was very cleverly done.

Khazar-khum said...

Dartmouth? Pffft! It takes Yale or Harvard to truly impress!!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Talent by alumni association? Awesome!

Dave F. said...

Collegiate snobs unite! LOL...

_*Rachel*_ said...

The most famous graduate from my college was a likely pedophile. Very sick guy. At least you've got decent role models!

Xiexie said...

I love the bold-ed words. Hint, hint?

Jeb said...

Oh, crap, it's my son-in-law.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. All credit, however, goes to my sister who can put these words: "in Orange County, California, where I live," into any topic of conversation, every other sentence.

It's a gift that only ivy league graduates and those that live in Orange County can acquire.

vkw

Rick Daley said...

Mr. Rogers was a drop out? Really? I never would have thunk it.

Great job! (I mean the author, not that slacker Fred).