Bad Query 9

Dear Evil Editor,

What do the words exigent, flagrant, and pharisaic have in common?

They were all used to describe my 700,000-word suspense novel, "The Minotaur and the Ho."

In absolute veracity, Abe Wilson, the ex-collator from 1996, pointed out that "ho" was not permitted under the 1982 Chatauqua Convention, invalidating not only the title but the entire pivotal scene between Lenore and Walter. But Zenon Parks, the 1973 collator, countered that, since the novel’s setting clearly replicates the 1981 DairyWorld Scrabble Tournament in Milquetoast, Wisconsin, the title could stand as written.

Zenon further described the psychological tension of Walter's hesitation over playing "ho" or "he" as "a desperate man's tumescent conflict versus ennui and inertia," an opinion overwhelmingly endorsed by semi-finalists in the Greater Pittsville Jalopy Motors Regional Scrabble Championships. Mr. Jalopy himself offered to put up the first two printed copies of my novel as a prize for the couples winners in the Over-Sixty category of the Jalopy Championships in 2010, if it is published by then.

You wouldn't want to disappoint Mr. Jalopy or deprive the Over-Sixty Couples Champions of this insightful psychological drama, so I'm sure you'll be delighted when I tell you I have already shipped the full manuscript (COD Express) to your office. The Pittsville Fed-Ex deliveryperson is a charter member of the Greater Pittsville Regional Scrabble Club, and assures me that it won't cost more than a few hundred dollars for this unique opportunity.

Yours most sincerely,

Walter J. Sackwash, widower

--Jeb