Why you don't get published.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Face-Lift 197
Guess the Plot
Aftermath
1. In this wrenching high school memoir, Tondelayo Tudd describes the rest of her day.
2. After a plague wipes out most of the world's population, a fascist theocrat rises to power by executing all those who refuse to follow him. Can 13-year-old Cara stop him?
3. Katie wasn't exactly honest when she swore to her mom she wouldn't use nuclear fission as her science fair project. But what's done is done, and now she's got a mess to clean up.
4. Five survivors of a plane crash think their ordeal is over when they are rescued by a cruise ship. But with a vampire captain, a crew of ghosts, mummified passengers and a cook from the 18th century, their problems are just beginning.
5. Well, it was a fun spree for Victor Pockle and the clerks at Veronica's Secret. But now the fun's over and someone has to put away all the plus-sized bras.
6. Opal thought fooling around with her math teacher was a sure fire way to get good grades and a fantastic recommendation letter for college. But the week before she starts college she discovers she's pregnant.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
I am seeking representation for my 90,000-word young adult speculative fiction novel, Aftermath, set in post-apocalyptic Norman, Oklahoma.
Aftermath tells the story of 13-year-old Cara, who survives the viral apocalypse that kills her family and most of the population of Earth. While Cara learns to live on her own, a young man whose life she saved during the plague is rising to power as the leader of a fascist theocracy. This mysterious Prophet hopes to sway Cara to his side, [Why would this power-hungry guy care about getting one 8th grade girl into his camp?] but after she and her friends begin publishing an underground newspaper with the help of two surviving journalists, [twenty additional surviving journalists, a surviving printer, surviving financial backers, surviving advertisers, surviving editors, and lots of newsprint and ink,] he takes action to quell their rebellion. The Prophet tries to have Cara killed, but she escapes to tell the truth about his mass executions of unbelievers. [Viral apocalypse, fascist theocracy, mass executions? Is this what thirteen-year-olds want to read about these days?]
[Parent: Glad to see you finally quit playing those violent video games. Whatcha reading?
Child: Book.
Parent: Duh. What's it about?
Child: A plague wipes out most of the population, and this fascist theocrat wants to take over so he starts committing mass executions of anyone who doesn't follow him. He even tries to kill this 13-year-old girl who saved his--
Parent: That Resident Evil IV looked pretty good. Wanna show me how to play?]
I am a native of Norman and a newspaper copy editor. I have used my background to create an authentic portrayal of this lively college town and how its people and landscape would be transformed in a post-apocalyptic world. [I don't know about the landscape, but the people would be transformed to dead.]
The second novel in the Aftermath trilogy, in which the Prophet's Army lays siege to the rebel forces gathered in ruined Chicago, is near completion.
Thank you for your time in considering this submission.
Notes
The query is okay, but brief. The paragraph describing your plot is only four sentences. I suggest doubling that. Things I wouldn't mind knowing:
How old is the Prophet? Adult? Teen?
How many people didn't die? Thousands? A billion?
What is Cara to the Prophet?
How does Cara know about the mass executions?
Does the prophet really care what's written in a newspaper published by thirteen-year-old kids?
What is it about the novel, besides the age of Cara, that makes it YA?
I'm guessing you could answer some or all of these questions and still fit it all on one page.
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13 comments:
Yeah, you just knew it was gonna be #2 when the 13-year-old showed up. That's about where I stopped being interested, but then again, I don't read YA. Maybe a person half (ok, a quarter) my age wouldn't be going "oh puh-leeeze!"
(Mind you, there was that thing with the twin nine-year-old evil warlords in East Timor or some place like that, so it's not impossible, but "thirteen-year-old Cara from Wahoo, Nebraska" just doesn't sound like that kind of force.) (I know you didn't say Wahoo, Nebraska. I just assumed it.)
On the other hand, the query is very clear, grammatical, and to the point, so it would be a shame to pass on it. If I were an agent, I'd be like "I don't do post-apocalyptic, but please consider me for some other work."
I've been going the rounds with my agent lately about what makes a YA versus what makes an "adult" novel, and this kind of political-theological-apocalyptic plot would definitely fit his definition of "Adult dystopian sf." He'd tell you to make the protagonist five years older and aim for the older audience. At YA level, you want to focus on the kid herself, her problems and her growth as a person. She can save the world, but how she does it as a YA protagonist will be different from how she would do it as an adult ditto. Your plot as described has the adult slant.
Good plot, could work well, but may need re-angling to hit the right market.
Yet, you can certainly have a 13 year old protag in an adult novel. This one sounds like Stephen King's The Talisman (co-author's name is slipping my mind). 12 year old boy has to save the world.
I, too, suggest making the protagonist older. Middle-grade readers will like a 13-year-old protagonist, but while many YA readers are young teens or pre-teens, they pick up YA to read about older characters, from upper high school to college age.
An older character would also be in a better position to start an underground newspaper. Have you read the writing of an average 13-year-old? Not usually of fascist-dictator-scaring quality.
I haven't been a young adult in almost 30 years so that may be why I don't like this one.
I think #4 would be a great book if the author would add zombies. -JTC
This sounds like "The Postman"--junior edition.
I totally want to read #4, and #1 made me laugh so hard my husband thought I was having a fit.
Author, the story didn't grab me from the query. It grabbed me much more from what you said in the comments thread about the Prophet and the execustions. I'd play those angles up in the query, because that gives me a reason to care. It tells me a lot more about Cara than the query did.
Viral apocalypse, fascist theocracy, mass executions? Is this what thirteen-year-olds want to read about these days?
This is exactly the sort of thing I loved when I was 13. Author, I disagree with everyone who said you should change the age. Thirteen is exactly the point at which you're just misanthropic enough to enjoy post-apocalyptic stories, and just self-centered enough to be sure you'd survive and be the hero.
The mortality rate was 99.9%, so 1 in 1,000 survived.
That makes the population of Norman, what, 20? And about 6 million on the whole planet. That would make it hard to coordinate either a resistance or a dictatorship, I'd think!
I thought this plot sounded interesting, and the YA label didn't bother me too much. Young adults can handle some gritty subjects. But that the protagonist is 13 is still a bit young. Maybe you could add two or three years to her age?
I definitely need more detail in the query then, because I didn't clarify that she doesn't write at all - that's what the real journalists do. She hangs out in the office and runs errands and picks up rumors for them to follow up on.
And then she dashes into the phone booth to change into her cape and tights...
pookel, I think you probably should present the novel as sf and let the agent or editor decide if it's YA.
One thing that a YA has to have is tight, strong focus on the main character. If it's a kid in an adult world, peripherally involved in adult issues, that's more of an adult novel. A YA has the kid in the foreground throughout, and everything is about the kid.
13 is young for a YA protagonist, I'm told. 14-16 is more "canonical." You have to figure the target readers will be 2-3 years younger than the protagonist. That puts it down to middle grades.
Your story can go in a lot of directions based on the query. If you're not sure exactly where it fits, "science fiction" is a nice catch-all term.
Nice query, for one of my favorite fiction subjects. Good job, I'd read it.
Mostly I wanted to give kudos to the author of guess # 1, for coming up with about the best name for a character I've ever heard!
pookel -
Oh look, I'm still reading. It sounds from your description like YA. My usual rant is that people get way too hung up on these labels, and that lots of books could go either way. It's just a marketing tool. If you think teens would be interested in it as is, I would leave it alone and call it YA. Above all I firmly believe you should write the book you want to write, not conform to someone's definitions or follow the market. I know that sounds naive, but every single successful author I've heard interviewed says exactly the same thing. Good luck!
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