Monday, September 18, 2006

Face-Lift 191


Guess the Plot

Technical Virgins

1. Brad was too busy training to be a surgeon to think about romance. But now that he's found Lori, he wants to be a chef.

2. The girls at Miss Fipps's School for Young Ladies have a gift for geek - and they're forming their own corporation. The boys at Wooster Academy can't wait for the IPO.

3. Vestal Electronics has posted record lows this quarter. Can a new battery-powered device bring prosperity to the company?

4. Marcy had never even seen a capacitor before the earthquake. Now she and her sister Emmaline must fix the communications systems of Little Pooble on Hemp before another temblor sends the village hurtling into a newly-formed volcano.

5. A snatched-from-the-headlines tale that examines the reasons Bob, like all Microsoft technicians, remains unmarried and a virgin at the age of 35.

6. Shy sociologist John Blake is hired by Stanford University to tutor two sexy unfrozen cave women on the modern world. Hilarity ensues.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

I am seeking representation for my completed 90,000-word romance novel, Technical Virgins.

[He: Are you a virgin?
She: Well, not technically.

She: Are you a virgin?
He: Technically? Yes.]

Similar in style and humor to the work of Sandra Hill or Jennifer Crusie, [Is that according to you, according to your friends, or according to Sandra Hill and Jennifer Crusie?] Technical Virgins concerns two surgeons-in-training who have been too busy/distracted/emotionally whacked to have a normal romantic life – but that is about to change.

Brad Berkowitz may be an artist in the kitchen, but his work as a surgical intern is less than stellar. [Owing to his insistence on using a meat cleaver when a scalpel is called for.] Lori Ketchum, a year ahead of Brad in the program, knows Brad won’t be allowed to pass to the next phase of residency if he doesn’t shape up fast. She wants to help Brad improve his surgical skills in time to save his career, but it isn’t easy with eighty-hour work-weeks and the well-intentioned meddling of family and friends. [I was going to make a crack about the idiocy of working 80 hours a week, until I realized I'm spending 80 hours a week on this blog.] That Brad seems to care far more about cooking her the perfect meal than succeeding as a doctor doesn’t help either, [And his patients aren't too crazy about it.] nor does the fact that when they are together, career is the last thing on their minds.

I am uniquely qualified to write this story, as I

--am a surgeon who trained at a busy community hospital, just like my protagonists, [Has anyone else noticed that people who are trained as surgeons try their hand at writing far more often than people trained as writers try their hands at surgery? Why is that?] [I mean, I've watched enough episodes of House to be able to do a tracheotomy or minor brain surgery, yet I've never done so--though I did try sticking a needle in my neighbor's eye after seeing it done on House last week.]

--share many of my hero’s obsessions and interests, kinky and otherwise,

--was a virgin for longer than I care to admit.

[Those aren't the qualifications of a novelist; they're the qualifications of a serial killer doctor.]

This is my first novel, but I have several e-zine and print-zine publications to my credit. I would be delighted to forward sample chapters or a synopsis, at your request.

Best,


Notes

Brad should be drummed out of med school now, before he kills someone. Lori should dump him and marry a writer and support his artistic endeavors. She'll never be happy with this underachieving loser, I don't care if he can make a decent soufflé. Now there's a novel people would read.

I would drop the Crusie/Hill bit and the last two "qualifications," and use the space to explain why Lori wants to help Brad (besides his hunky bod), and maybe what their meddling friends and relatives are doing.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brad should be drummed out of med school now, before he kills someone. Lori should dump him and marry a writer and support his artistic endeavors. She'll never be happy with this underachieving loser, I don't care if he can make a decent soufflé. Now there's a novel people would read.

I second this opinion, EE.

Author,
I didn't like your plot as described in your query. I didn't like Brad. A man in med school who is more interested in his kitchen than his surgery is not sympathetic or likeable. He's detestable. And never tell anyone you're just like your protagonist--then it's not fiction but a poorly disquised "memoir."

Basically, you've told us that Brad is a lousy med student and Lori likes him, for unknown reasons. A meddling family (I'm on their side if they're trying to tell Lori to ditch this loser) doesn't tell much. A little romance doesn't pull me in when I do not feel the love (to quote Emeril, in homage to your culinary side).

The whole thing sounds yucky.

I'm guessing you're a smart guy (because you did succeed at med school). And I disagree with EE's implied comment that doctors should stick with surgery and not take up writing (I don't think EE really meant that)--no reason you can't write.

So even though I don't like this plot, good luck.

Feemus said...

Jimmy Breslin says this novel is "sensational." "It has that cadence," he raves.

I don't know anything about queries--this seemed great to me. I like the idea of someone who has spent a lot of time pursuing one course in life having second thoughts. That seems like something that would resonate with a lot of folks.

But...and this is just me...I'm not letting a sexually confused social misfit named BERKOWITZ anywhere near me with a scalpel.

Rei said...

Author:

If you don't have writing creds, don't feel the need to focus on them -- or even list them at all. If you have nothing, you have nothing. Save the space, don't bore the agent/editor.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry emotionally whacked reminds me of another sort of whacking off and given the title... well... hmmmm

as for the story? sorry i didn't get it at all. when do they lose their virginity and find love? or is it a tale of perpetual frustration without a happy resolution?

Anonymous said...

Just to set the record straight, Rad, Cooks get up at five, cooks have to wash their hands, cooks bleed (You think scalpels are sharp? Try the Wüsthof Le Cordon Bleu Cook's Knife), diners sue cooks when they get salmonella or botulism, humans want more food every few hours, much more often than they want more surgery, and bow down before the sanitation inspectors, who'll shut you down in a heartbeat if they catch the cooks not washing.

Surgery may be misery, but cooking for the masses is no picnic. If jobs didn't suck they wouldn't have to pay you to do them.

Anonymous said...

Oh, RadicalFeminist, you made me laugh this am!

It is true, the US has some kind of worship/obsession with docs. I know a few who truly are heroes, but the "MD" does not allow people to walk on water.

That being said....the fact that the US has this worship/obsession is what will allow this book to fly off the shelves, just as people swoon over ER and Gray's Anatomy.

The majority of people are not aware of the med school/internship/residency/ fellowship step-ladder, so don't be too hard on EE and his minions.

As for whether I would read this book...I spend enough time with docs who don't really want to be there, who would rather be somewhere else (yes, cooking), but they are still very competent...I think the bottom line is that Brad is not a very sympathetic character. Does he ditch residency to follow his dream of being a chef? Does Lori help him take that step? Those plot points would redeem Brad in my mind.

Good luck with this and be careful with the sutures.

Evil Editor said...

No need to defend EE, anonymous. Radical obviously assumed the story takes place in the USA, where internship follows med school (though one could argue you're still in school until you're allowed to practice medicine) while EE assumed the story takes place in Nepal, one of several countries where internship is part of med school, and required to get one's degree. Of course, EE had the advantage of receiving the query in email from an address with the .np country code suffix, so Radfem may be forgiven her error.

Bernita said...

"Technical Virgins?
And here I thought it was a story of a post-Luddite's first encounter with HTML code.

Anonymous said...

First of all, this guy's not in med school, he's already started his internship.

Ummm...then that makes his attitude all the much worse, IMO.

I think we're better off believing our doctors and surgeons are all like Marcus Welby or Hawk-eye Pierce. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Rad's aversion to surgeons is the reason why she has that ENORMOUS chip bobbling along on her shoulder? Really, dear; you should get that looked at.

Anonymous said...

I think the chef/surgeon dilemma is potentially interesting, but it needs just a little more to make it work. For instance, I knew a man with just such a dilemma, and he became a doctor due to extreme family pressure. Maybe Brad has a similar problem and becoming a chef is the road to freedom for him. So, I guess I'm saying, just tell us WHY he's torn between these two fields, and then maybe you've got something.

Anonymous said...

Wow, EE! Is there nothing you don't know?

Truly, I am impressed. ; )

Anonymous said...

I want to read alternative plot #2.

none said...

I'm with EE--the query doesn't tell me why Lori wants to help Brad. Nor does it explain why they're still virgins. Saying that their careers aren't on their minds when they're together suggests sex is; saying they're virgins suggests it isn't. What is on their minds, then, if it isn't sex OR surgery...balloon animals?

Anonymous said...

I very much resent the implication that a "normal romantic life" involves sex. Some people still save sex for after they're married. I think. I hope.

That said, I agree with a recent anonymous who said that we need to know a bit more about why Brad is in the medical field at all. If he cares more about cooking and isn't doing well as a surgeon, then how come he's still in med school? Money? Family pressure? Lost a bet? Do tell!