Face-Lift 194

Guess the Plot

The Belly Dancer

1. Bob's wife has kicked him into the street. His daughter has a new, alarming hobby. His son has a tattoo of a too-familiar lady. And all thanks to...The Belly Dancer.

2. Bill Mash dreams that he's a belly dancer, but when he awakes and finds a small jewel in his navel, he begins to understand why he's been feeling so tired in the morning.

3. Tasked to supervise the belly dancers at the fair, who've been rumored to be putting on an obscene act, Dora not only doesn't find the dancing obscene--she abandons her high-society life to become a belly dancer herself.

4. Hortense signs up for ballroom dancing lessons, hoping to meet the man of her dreams. But the only man she meets is Amir Kufir, a taxi driver. Undaunted, she learns to dance for him.

5. John Figgle just wanted a part-time job. When the agency sent him to The Golden Scimitar, he thought it was as a waiter, but a mix-up in costumes put him on the dance floor. At least he had a veil.

6. Amber always dreamed of being a ballerina. When she meets a genie with a hearing problem, however, she winds up in a gypsy caravan.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

I learned from your Web site that you represent historical fiction, and I believe my recently completed manuscript, “The Belly Dancer,” a 90,000-word novel set against the backdrop of the belly dance scandal at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago, might interest you. [This must be your lucky day; I represent only books set against the backdrop of the belly dance scandal at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago. My peers said I was crazy to specialize in such a narrow field, but with your help, I will prove them wrong.]

The novel tells the story of Dora Chambers, a young woman from New Orleans who has just made the leap from working class to upper class by marrying a well-to-do banker and moving with him to Chicago, a city crackling with the energy and ambition of the Industrial Age. Upon her arrival, though, the women of high society are less than welcoming. She’s baffled and disheartened, but still determined to earn their favor. She uses her husband’s connections to land a place on the fair’s formidable Board of Lady Managers, an association of the city’s most influential women—and the same women who rule the local social scene.

In her eagerness to please the Lady Managers, Dora accepts a dreaded task: supervising the Midway’s Egyptian belly dancers with the purpose of tempering the scandalous performances that are jeopardizing the fair’s success. [Jeopardizing? Ensuring is more likely.] When she witnesses her first performance, it isn’t what she expects. She’s not repulsed; she’s fascinated—and as she gets to know the dancers, she finds they aren’t the miscreants they’re made out to be. Her admiration for the Egyptian women soon turns into friendship, and she can’t resist being enchanted by the dance. She’s drawn to the sheer joy of the movements and intrigued by this exotic lifestyle where women are not molded into something they’re not by tightly laced corsets or relegated to the role of pretty property for the men in their lives. [Egyptian men: the vanguard of the feminist movement.]

Dora becomes a quiet defender of the dancers even as she tries to win the favor of the Lady Managers. When her loyalties collide, however, a jealous rival who’s unearthed a dark secret from Dora’s past [She posed nude for Mathew Brady.] uses it to ruin Dora’s chances of ever being accepted into the world of wealth and privilege for which she’s longed all her life. Facing an uncertain future, Dora realizes she has learned something more than dancing from the Egyptians. She defies convention and expectations by doing something unthinkable: She takes control of her own life. She sheds her old dreams and reinvents herself as a belly dancer. [She has more to shed than just dreams--she weighs 190 pounds.]

This is my first novel. I’ve been a full-time journalist for more than a dozen years, and currently serve as the editor of a regional lifestyle magazine. Belly dancing and its history have been a passion of mine for more than fifteen years.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Kindly,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor:

I learned from your Web site that you represent historical fiction, and I believe my recently completed manuscript, The Belly Dancer, a 90,000-word novel set against the backdrop of the belly dance scandal at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago, might interest you.

Dora Chambers has just made the leap from working class to upper class by marrying a banker and moving with him to Chicago, a city crackling with energy and ambition. Upon her arrival, she finds the women of high society less than welcoming. Disheartened, Dora determines to earn their favor. She uses her husband’s connections to land a place on the Fair’s Board of Lady Managers, an association of the city’s most influential women—the same women who rule the social scene.

Eager to please the Lady Managers, Dora accepts a dreaded task: supervising the midway’s Egyptian belly dancers and tempering their scandalous performances. But when she witnesses their dancing, she’s not repulsed; she’s fascinated—and as she gets to know the dancers, she finds they aren’t the miscreants they’re made out to be. Her admiration for them turns to friendship, and she is drawn to the sheer joy of their exotic lifestyle.

A jealous rival unearths a dark secret from Dora’s past and uses it to ruin Dora’s chances of being accepted into the world of wealth and privilege. Her future now uncertain, Dora draws upon what she has learned from the Egyptians. She defies convention and expectations, and reinvents herself as a belly dancer.

I’ve been a full-time journalist for many years, and currently serve as the editor of a regional lifestyle magazine. Belly dancing and its history have been my passion for more than fifteen years. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kindly,


Notes

I didn't see a major problem here, but it seemed wordy and too long; I felt I could shorten it without losing much information by removing a few words here and a few phrases there. This should be easier to squeeze onto one page.