Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Guess the Plot
Criminal Sexual Communication
1. A billionaire falls in love with a seventeen-year old girl, and uses email to entice her into his bedroom.
2. Bob, a compulsive talker, went to the Big House determined to stay away from those with designs on his body - until he discovered that there was only one way to get anyone to converse with him.
3. After AIDS B wiped out half the world's population, sexual intercourse was banned by the United Nations. A small group of horny revolutionaries have decided to overthrow the system.
4. Prison guard Lulu Lumbaugh has found the perfect way to get the convicts to settle down on Flash Friday. Now if she could only come up with something for the other six days.
5. Newlywed Lisa Carr hadn't expected fireworks and bells on her her wedding night, but she did expect her new husband to at least say something to her after the "I do." Her frustration is about to explode as she gives new meaning to the term, "shotgun wedding."
6. Drug gangs train prostitutes to pass on coded messages through various sexual positions. Is Detective Smith's favorite hooker trying to tell him something, or does she just really, really like him?
Dear Evil Editor:
Did his emails entice her to have sex with him? Did he rape her? [That's five pronouns already. If I don't see a solid, concrete noun pretty fast, I'm outta here.] Did he do something even worse? When the billionaire opens the door of his penthouse wearing only lacy boxers, a hard on and a seductive smile, he expects his Dixie Darlin' but gets cops with an arrest warrant. [I always look through the peephole first when I'm wearing lacy boxers.] In the style of "if John Grisham wrote romance", this manuscript is complete at 102,250 words and I am seeking representation. [John Grisham writing romance? Don't make me laugh. That's about as believable as Nora Roberts writing a mystery.] [New rule, once we reach Face-Lift 200: no one may mention any authors so big that they don't have web sites with their own email addresses posted.] [An entire paragraph of plot, and the only name that gets mentioned in John Grisham.]
Criminal Sexual Communication takes the reader inside the hidden love affair between Alix, a rich and powerful man and Rachel, his soon-to-be ex-wife's 17-year-old half sister. [We don't care how rich or powerful he is; how old is this guy? 19? 54?] When the novel opens, Alix is in the midst of his divorce hearing where he hopes to oust the belle bitch so he can wait in peace for one last year to gain the soul mate he has claimed but has never touched - Rachel. But even very young Carolina girls know their place is in the front seat, so his plan to spend that year dabbling in romance in private and holding onto his reputation in public gains him an ultimatum.
To meet her demand he must court her publicly. When he does, he shows his hand to his vengeful ex-wife and soon police officers show up at his door with handcuffs and an arrest warrant. He is charged with enticing Rachel to commit sexual acts by email [If you could commit sexual acts by email, Evil Editor's mailbox would be overflowing.] [Right, minions?] and with rape and the fodder-hungry media hints he may have done more. [I thought you said he'd never touched her.] Consent would be a defense to both charges but the lady has disappeared. [One would think her disappearance would eliminate the key evidence against him.] [You're saying it's legal to entice minors to have sex if they consent?] Now Alix faces a trial where he must admit the jury and the world into his heart and his bedroom. In the courtroom he learns that perception is in the eye of the beholder for the witnesses paint a picture that portrays anything but the tender love turned torrid that he recalls. [What did he do that was witnessed?] All of this could be resolved with Rachel's testimony, but where is she? [Did anyone check the high school cheerleading squad?]
CSC is set in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina where I am a practicing attorney and draws on the area's rich local traditions. The story is based on a state statute that makes it a felony to attempt to persuade a minor to commit sexual acts by email. [I don't recommend committing sexual acts by email; IMing or a porn site are more efficient. Although email sex is much better than snail mail sex.] A synopsis and the full manuscript are available at your request.
Thanks for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you,
Are we supposed to sympathize with any of these characters? You haven't made me care about anyone. Unless Alix is under 20, no one's likely to take his side. And Rachel's missing. It seems to me that if you want to use this law as your basis, you need a 17 and an 18-year-old, not a powerful billionaire and a high school kid.
In any case, I'd drop the first paragraph.
And the title, which sounds like a psychiatry text book.