Why you don't get published.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Face-Lift 180
Guess the Plot
Green Thumb
1. Millard Fubber was no good at being a serial killer, having stopped after just one victim. But he still holds onto his secret trophy.
2. Miss Moore's magical gardening talent seems to be killing everything she touches--ever since botanically obsessed Miss Riverton fell in love with her.
3. Karen almost had the county fair "biggest cabbage" prize locked up... until her cabbage started eating the judges and Karen learned that genetic engineering is best left to the pros.
4. Myra Pottle thought the green thumb meant she was a good gardener. But the doctor said it was mold, so she stopped sucking it.
5. Finally, the villagers have destroyed Dr. Frankenstein's monster--all except for one digit from the creature's right hand. And now, the thumb wants vengeance.
6. When Edward King is found dead, but his plants are thriving, horticulturist Ellen Silver knows it's a clue. So while the police are checking fingerprints, she snoops around the gardens of the suspects.
Original Version
Dear Fabulous Agent,
Enclosed please find the first five pages of my 80,000 word Regency fantasy, GREEN THUMB, and an SASE for your response only.
GREEN THUMB follows Miss Lynn Riverton, a botanically obsessed young lady of quality, [Did young ladies of quality ever become botanically obsessed in the Regency period?] as she falls secretly in love with Miss Harriet Moore, whose magical gardening talent now seems to be killing everything she touches. [Perhaps someone should suggest to her that plants grow better in the sunroom than in the wine cellar.] Meanwhile, Miss Mia Riverton pursues the gentleman she adores -- Mr. Robert North, her sister Lynn’s longtime friend and escort. With the help of a magical ballgown and the perfect housekeeper, things just might end up happily after all!
Thank you for your time and attention.
Notes
As people went to the trouble of writing Guess the Plots, Evil Editor would feel evil if he merely trashed this, so let's assume the author hasn't spent any time on this blog. Or that the author went to an agency website and found instructions to send a three-sentence description of the book and five pages--although, if that's all the agent wants, you don't need Evil Editor, you need five excellent pages.
If you decide to query a more traditional agency, you'll need more plot details. Who wears the magic ballgown, and what does it do? Who is the perfect housekeeper, and what does she do? Is Harriet open to a relationship with Lynn? Does anything interesting happen in the book? Can you come up with, say, ten sentences relating the plot? Tell us your story!
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16 comments:
Has anyone noticed the tendency of authors' query letters to sound like the blurbs on the inside flaps of books? That's what the plot summaries in these query letters always sound like to me. And I guess people are going with what they know.
But clearly as we've seen here over and over again, an agent or editor needs a lot more information than is present in a little teaser blurb. You're not righting advertising copy, you're trying to tell this person what exactly goes on in your book.
word verif: gnahp - that's the sound a doberman makes when it catches a doggy treat in the air.
It's a hard balance to strike, because you'll also get slagged if you summarize the plot at too much length, or raise questions you aren't able to answer in the space of a query. And if your summary sounds flat, people will ask for more enthusiasm; if it sounds gushy, people will call it a blurb.
The Evil Minions are a tough audience!
Fantasy is a hot subgenre within the lesbian fiction genre right now. There's a huge demand for it. A fantasy set during the Regency period is an interesting twist. It might draw in readers like myself (who like historic fiction but not fantasy) widening the market.
Unfortunately, there's not enough substance in your query. We need to hear more about the plot. What is the conflict here? Is this a romance? If so, does it focus equally on both couples or are Mia and Robert a smaller subplot? Is Harriet receptive to Lynn's advances? Is Lynn supposed to marry Robert?
What is this magic dress -- what does it do and why do they need it? Why do they need a housekeeper?
Are you planning to submit it to mainstream publishers or lesbian publishing houses? The answer to change, to some degree, how you present a lesbian romance in your query.
I would suggest the author visit Miss Snark and read through the 80+ submissions reviewed for the crapometer. Nothing like reading query after query to see what is useful and what it not.
Mainly, where is your plot? Where is your conflict?
What does your protagonist want, what does she have to do to get it, and what kinds of things are screwing up her chance of success?
I take it Lynn wants Harriet. What is standing in her way? Is Harriet straight? Are there social mores that would keep them apart? What is Lynn's major malfunction (as my hubby would phrase it)?
Please work on this, because I would love to read a novel about magical gardening talent one day.
A magical gardening talent that kills everything you touch doesn't sound that magical to me. Miss Moore should be quietly discouraged from gardening and persuaded to take up a more promising career. Serial killer, maybe?
In the author's defense (and that seems to be my role lately), I was surprised recently by reading Miss Snark's Crapometer. There was one query that Miss Snark loved which was no longer than this one, albeit catchier in that case. So if this author has just spent a lot of time over there, then she might have come off with the idea that this is a perfect length for a query. My impression so far seems to be: Miss Snark likes about 2 paragraphs on the story; EE likes 3-4; and Kristin Nelson is OK with 4-6, but the first three better be wonderful to get her to read that much. This is grossly oversimplifying but different agents and editors do appear to look for different things. All that said, I think the good query letters here - the page length ones - would work for everyone, while a single paragraph query might only work for some. So us authors should play the numbers game and write the page.
There's nothing in this query at all. As Miss Snark would say - WHERE'S THE PLOT?
~JerseyGirl
I think that people might be confusing the idea of selling a novel in the Query letter with a straightforward presentation of the plot.
Some of these queries sound like the hated Marketing class I was forced to take a few years ago.
The query gives nothing but icing, no cake. I would probably read the first page just to see if there actually was a plot or just device in this.
The problem with Regencies is that so many of them are pure awfullness. Read a few Georgette Heyer novels, then consider your own. (She started it all, Author, unless I am mistaken.)
Braun, it seems to depend on the agent. For instance, at one of Don Maass's workshops on writing queries, he suggested four-five sentences that included the setting, main character, main conflict, and a couple of really colorful detail(s). Just like a back-cover blurb. Some agents allow a little more than that, but most want it kept brief.
Well as Ms. Snark has often pointed out, she wants to know whether aliens (or lesbians) turn up in Chapter 13. I would think most agents/editors would want to have some idea of where the plot is going over the course of the book; not just a hook and some flavorful details.
Well as Ms. Snark has often pointed out, she wants to know whether aliens (or lesbians) turn up in Chapter 13.
That's what the synopsis is for.
The query letter is supposed to give a taste of the plot, characters, conflicts. It's the appetizer, not the full meal.
Yes, if there is one. This query letter gives no indication that there is.
It's Miss Snark...
*fails to care*
Thanks, EE and Minions. I am the author.
This was originally written as a cover letter for 50 pages plus a synopsis. Many of the agents on my list require pages and a synopsis along with a query, so it hadn't actually occurred to me to put a longer description in for my EE critique. (Yeah, I know, since you aren't all seeing the rest, it would make sense--just didn't think it through.) Clearly, I'll need to write one!
The "blurb" was actually pulled from an elevator pitch. I was trying to convey tone and some brief interesting details, but obviously I forgot about the plot. The comment about "just the icing without the cake" really struck home, and was very helpful. I do see that even as a cover letter this could be strengthened by your feedback.
So, apologies to anyone who felt their time was wasted, and thanks, EE, for not trashing my effort. An honest mistake, and I learned from it.
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