Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Face-Lift 42


Guess the Plot

Reflection

1. The mirror in the castle has murdered 20 people over the past 100 years. If amateur sleuth Sheila Strewth can't solve the mystery she's going to become victim no 21.

2. Marilyn had always been fascinated by the three-sided mirrors in department stores. Buying furniture for her new apartment, she finds one and promptly buys it. At home, she closes the sides around herself and is never heard from again.

3. This book examines why today's working men and women rush from one commitment to another, never taking time to reflect on the choices they make.

4. A reporter stumbles onto the story of a madman's experiment: the world's first human clone. But will her knowledge put her life in danger?

5. Jody saw herself as a pale reflection of her mercurial, talented older sister Harmony. But when Harmony's brilliant life shatters into a thousand pieces, only Jody's calm reflection--and seven years of therapy--can give Harmony the courage to look into a mirror again.

6. A rainy-day fun book for kids. With some drawing-paper, pencils and a hand-mirror, parents can banish those nothing-to-do complaints for a precious half-hour. And when the sun comes out again, abandon your kids in the woods and test their skill at signaling for help by heliograph.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

While an illegal project born from madness and greed remains hidden from the world, will a reporter risk her life to expose the most diabolical plot of modern science? [My God, what is it, a new bomb that makes a nuclear bomb look like a firecracker? A new germ warfare weapon capable of wiping out all life?]

In REFLECTION, Whitney Steel, a feisty Florida investigative reporter has lived in her deceased father’s shadow, a legendary war correspondent, long enough. [Not to be nitpicky, but if her deceased father's shadow is a war correspondent, that would be legendary.] She wants the story of a lifetime to prove to herself, and her colleagues' that she has the guts to see a story through, her way, no matter what the cost. [She's a ruthless vigilante reporter.]

When the mother-of-all-stories lands in her lap--a lead pointing to the world's first cloned human, (a small child), [That's the diabolical plot? A small child? Wait a minute, is the kid's name Damien?] Whitney vows to expose the truth. But she soon discovers that uncovering the facts has dangerous consequences. Including death threats, murder [Whose?] and an undercover FBI agent, [He's undercover as the first cloned adult human.] that while he might have saved her life, he has no intention of letting her expose a madman’s experiment--at least not right away. [At least not until he gets her in the sack.] [Evil Editor has looked into cloning and gene splicing experimentation in an effort to be better informed for this critique. Turns out that companies have been patenting new animals for some time now. Which makes sense. What's the point of investing time and money into creating a new animal like a geep (a cross between a goat and a sheep, no lie) if some other company can come along and, through the relatively inexpensive process of cloning your geep, create their own geeps? Evil Editor isn't sure why they called it a geep instead of a shoat, by the way. Maybe whoever invents an animal gets to decide which half comes first. Of course, with some animals, there's only one decent choice. If you cross a falcon with a duck, you have to call it a dalcon.] Now faced with tough choices, with consequences for many, most of all, the child she’s attempting to save, Whitney realizes that sometimes a story becomes more than just a story. [Let me guess. Whitney and the FBI agent adopt the clone, move to Montana, and start a geep ranch.]

REFLECTION, is a 90,000 word mainstream suspense novel with a strong romantic element. This manuscript placed 7th in the RWA’s Romantic Suspense Chapter’s KOD contest in 2003, and placed 1st in the 2004 Gotcha Contest. I have been writing suspense for six years, and I regularly participate in writing workshops both locally and on-line. The synopsis and completed manuscript are available on request. I have included an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you, and I thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor:

When an illegal project borne in madness and greed lies hidden from the world, will a reporter risk her life to expose it?

Whitney Steel, a feisty Florida investigative reporter, has lived in the shadow of her legendary father long enough. She wants to prove to herself and her colleagues that she has the guts to see a story through, no matter what the cost.

When a lead pointing to the world's first cloned human (a small child) falls into her lap, Whitney vows to expose the truth. But uncovering the facts proves to have dangerous consequences, including death threats and the murder of Whitney's source. Whitney herself is nearly killed, but is saved by hunky undercover FBI agent Stud Manly, who has no intention of letting Whitney publish her exposé--at least not yet. Faced with tough choices, with consequences for many--most of all the child she’s attempting to save--Whitney realizes that sometimes a story becomes more than just a story.

REFLECTION, is a 90,000 word mainstream suspense novel with a strong romantic element. The novel placed 7th in the RWA’s Romantic Suspense Chapter’s KOD contest in 2003, and placed 1st in the 2004 Gotcha Contest. The synopsis and completed manuscript are available on request. I have included an SASE for your convenience. I thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Notes

While there are those who would see cloning a human as the most diabolical plot ever, it's probably best to tone down the end-of-civilization bluster. It's enough that it's the first cloned human, without making it Armageddon. Of course, if you don't get this published fast, Damien may not be the first.

15 comments:

Jenna Black said...

You're killing me, Evil! The falcon/duck hybrid had me laughing so hard I was afraid my coworkers were going to come running and see I was goofing off at work.

helena said...

Maybe they are going to clone an army of French-Canadians.

Diabolique!

Bernita said...

Let's not have the story of the small child "falling into her lap."
Children and laps go together,but...
Another idiom, please?

kis said...

Holy crap, no, please. We Canadians have had our fill of the "revenge of the cradle." Now you go spouting about the "revenge of the test-tube?" Ack!

:)

For those who don't know, revenge of the cradle was a Quebec government policy that paid Quebequois to have children. Kind of a FU, we don't care who won on the Plains of Abraham, we'll breed ourselves an army (or a bunch of money-sucking burdens on universal health care), and then you'll be sorry! Bwahahahah!

Leslie said...

They can't use "shoat" because, sadly, it is already taken--it's the word for a young piglet.

Anonymous said...

"If you cross a falcon with a duck, you have to call it a dalcon."

Oh, come on. You could call it a faluck.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

I have to say, I think I'd prefer the other version than the dalcon. I'm with Jenna on this one - my oldest came running to see what EE had said because of my laughing. Gah!

DAMIEN! Don't get me started. ~shudder~ Who would win in that little war? Damien vs. Ruthless Vigilante Sorcerers?

Rei said...

[quote]Including death threats, murder and an undercover FBI agent, that while he might have saved her life, he has no intention of letting her expose a madman’s experiment--at least not right away.[/quote]

While cloning isn't scary, the fact that someone included a sentence like this in a query is. Dear YVHV, I hope I don't have anything this bad in mine.

Daisy said...

Speaking as a molecular biologist, I can assure you that what you get when you clone a human is not the end of civilization, it's a very young twin of the person you originally cloned. Unless that person is Dr. Phil. Then it's the end of civilization.

kcresswell said...

So...I guess my query letter was a bit over the top. lol

EE, thanks for taking the time to critique it.

I have to admit--you had me laughing my ass off. :)

April said...

Thank you for making me laugh - and learn a few things at the same time. I hope Angelina Jolie comes to her senses soon and realizes you are the man for her.

Evil Editor said...

Evil Editor has added a comma and deleted the related comments, which might have proved confusing once there was no missing comma. Thanks to all the Minions who keep EE on his toes.

Anonymous said...

I think Dumbo has already been cross-cloned with a jackass. I work with some and see some driving cars every day. -JTC

janeth said...

Might want to be careful about mentioning contest placements that are more than a year old and lower than third place. If their blogs are anything to go by, some editors and agents sneer at RWA contests, anyway, and if a placement is too low and/or a few years old, that gives them even more ammo.

-JGS said...

I have to disagree w/ EE on falcon/duck-hybrid naming conventions.

And I sincerely hope some giant bioengineering firm gets one sorted out pronto.

Because then I will finally be able to give a flying f**k.