Face-Lift 29

Guess the Plot

Murderer Among the Mourners

1. Only fourteen people came to pay their last respects when Chatsworth Carmichael died, but by the end of the funeral, eight of them were dead.

2. Michelle and Brianne reunite at the rural funeral of an old classmate. When Michelle's husband is killed and Brianne's fiancé is kidnaped, the small town sheriff has a startling revelation: he suspects foul play.

3. Abner was pleased to see the turnout at his brother's wake--though he wasn't sure what O.J. Simpson was doing there.

4. The metal detector at the door of the funeral home was supposed to keep the Gennaro family out, but the Manzinis never thought to check under the Father's cassock for an assault rifle.

5. The mourners at Aunt Eliza's funeral were singing "Amazing Grace," all but one, Jeb, who had his iPod playing "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead."

6. Detective Aaron James knew the murderer would show up at Paul Lee's funeral. And he knew that the murderer knew that he knew. He even knew that the murderer knew that he knew that he knew. But what he didn't know was that the murderer knew that he knew that he knew that he knew.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

After the suspicious death of an old classmate, Michelle Hendrickson and Brianne Roberts rediscover their friendship – only to have it tested after the murder of Michelle’s husband, [Brianne killed him. (After years in the business, it gets easier and easier for Evil Editor to spot the guilty parties.)] which leads to an intrepid hunt [EE thought it was hunters, not hunts that were intrepid, but he will wait for confirmation from the many experts among his minions.] for the truth, a race for their lives, and the clues that unwittingly lead them [They may unwittingly follow the clues, but it seems strange to say the clues unwittingly lead them.] [By "strange," I mean "wrong."] [Evil Editor seems to be in an unusually picky mood today.] to a major international crime. My co-author, Brook E. Smith, and I are pleased to have you consider it for representation.

Murderer Among the Mourners, a 103,000 word suspense novel, is the story of Michelle and Brianne, two friends who separated after high school and reunite over a decade later in their rural hometown. When Michelle’s husband is killed and the authorities suspect foul play, [Based on the dagger protruding from his back.] Brianne is there at her side. The emergence of an old flame, kidnapping of Brianne’s fiancé, and an unexpected pregnancy for Michelle [Did you ever have one of those days?] propel the women into searching for the truth behind the deaths.

["I'm pregnant."
"How did that happen?"
"I have no idea."
"There's only one way to find out. We've got to solve the murders."]

However, as they plunge further into the intrigue, they realize their very lives are at risk. After a chilling turn of events, Michelle and Brianne face cracking a case of international proportions as they struggle to decide who to trust with their lives and their hearts.

Murderer Among the Mourners targets women who enjoy a book about relationships but want a more compelling plot than the typical romance. [Uh, oh, you're gonna hear from the romance writers on that one.] [Romance writers: please elect a couple spokespersons, rather than crash the server. Thank you.] [In fact, let Evil Editor anticipate what will be said, so we can reduce the number of times it actually does get said:

Are you kidding me? You concoct this preposterous plot in which some nobody gets killed in a rural town, two women come to pay their last respects, and the next thing you know, one of them has a murdered husband and an immaculate conception, and the other has a kidnaped fiancé, and they end up setting aside their grief and anxiety to crack an international crime case, and you call that compelling? Try farcical, asinine, insane. Obviously the one romance you've ever read was some tame Barbara Cartland historical, and even that was probably more compelling than this irrational absurdity. I'm so filled with rage, I've a good mind to never return to this site again, except I can't do that because Evil Editor is such a sweetie, and I couldn't live without his hilarious discourse, even if he never seems to get around to doing my query letter.]

Murderer Among the Mourners combines the emotional human drama of Jodi Picoult and the fast paced suspense style of Mary Higgins Clark [to create the fast-paced emotional humanity of Jodi Higgins Picoult].

I was a staff writer for The Jefferson Star newspaper and am a member of The League of Utah Writers. Brook was a staff writer for The Jefferson Star and has presented research papers at the American Society for Public Administrators 65th National Conference.

At your request, I would be happy to send the complete manuscript of Murder Among the Mourners [It never looks good when you get your own title wrong.] for your consideration. I look forward to your opinion.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor,

After the suspicious death of an old classmate, Michelle Hendrickson and Brianne Roberts rediscover an old friendship in their rural hometown. But before the casket has even been buried, Michelle’s husband is murdered, Brianne's fiancé is kidnaped, and the two women find themselves in a desperate race for the truth.

The emergence of an old flame and an unexpected pregnancy complicate matters as Michelle and Brianne try to unravel a deadly mystery. When clues lead them to a major international crime, they realize that they are in extreme peril, and that they don't know whom they can trust with their lives.

Murderer Among the Mourners, a 103,000-word novel, combines emotional human drama with fast-paced suspense. The book is a collaboration between myself and Brook E. Smith. Both of us have worked as staff writers for The Jefferson Star newspaper. At your request, I would be happy to send the complete manuscript of Murderer Among the Mourners for your consideration. I look forward to your opinion.

Sincerely,


Notes

It was stated that the friendship between Brianne and Michelle was tested after the death of Michelle's husband. Yet Brianne is there at her side, so in what way was the friendship tested?

Evil Editor regrets the ranting of the romance writers, but feels it was better that you take your medicine immediately than over the course of many weeks.