Remember, what happens in Evil Editor's Shorts . . .
Stays in Evil Editor's Shorts.
At least until laundry day.
Why you don't get published.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Saturday Film Series
Remember, what happens in Evil Editor's Shorts . . .
Stays in Evil Editor's Shorts.
At least until laundry day.
Friday, June 12, 2009
New Beginning 649
Come, Cynthia. There is not much time. The faster we are, the better it will be.
Cynthia peeked into the entryway before creeping forward. The stained glass windows barely glowed in pre-dawn light. She glanced behind her at the faint sound of servants preparing breakfast. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed the ruffled pinafore she had put on in haste. The pink glass of the door's window cast rosy light onto her as she reached for the handle. Muscles tensed as she prepared to hear her mother’s terse voice when she opened the door, but bird songs were the only sound to greet her. As the door clicked shut, she let out the breath she had been holding.
A cobblestone walkway stretched out from the veranda to the cast iron gates. The dusty road that had brought them from Lyney lay behind it, shadowed by a grassy hill.
Over the hill, Cynthia.
She looked towards the stables. “Shouldn’t I get a horse first?”
There is no time.
The morning chill washed over her as she stepped into the yard. She ran to the gates surprised to find them unlocked. She ignored the house behind her, hoping she would be ignored in turn if spotted.
The hill towered above her and appeared steeper than it had from the veranda.
In the barn. Waiting.
Minutes later, she was lying in the hay, staring at the barn ceiling, listening to his snoring. The faster we are, the better it will be. Yeah, right. Shoulda gone with the horse.
Opening: Sephina.....Continuation: Anon.
Cynthia peeked into the entryway before creeping forward. The stained glass windows barely glowed in pre-dawn light. She glanced behind her at the faint sound of servants preparing breakfast. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed the ruffled pinafore she had put on in haste. The pink glass of the door's window cast rosy light onto her as she reached for the handle. Muscles tensed as she prepared to hear her mother’s terse voice when she opened the door, but bird songs were the only sound to greet her. As the door clicked shut, she let out the breath she had been holding.
A cobblestone walkway stretched out from the veranda to the cast iron gates. The dusty road that had brought them from Lyney lay behind it, shadowed by a grassy hill.
Over the hill, Cynthia.
She looked towards the stables. “Shouldn’t I get a horse first?”
There is no time.
The morning chill washed over her as she stepped into the yard. She ran to the gates surprised to find them unlocked. She ignored the house behind her, hoping she would be ignored in turn if spotted.
The hill towered above her and appeared steeper than it had from the veranda.
In the barn. Waiting.
Minutes later, she was lying in the hay, staring at the barn ceiling, listening to his snoring. The faster we are, the better it will be. Yeah, right. Shoulda gone with the horse.
Opening: Sephina.....Continuation: Anon.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Face-Lift 642
Guess the Plot
justice/vengeance
1. e. e. cummings is back . . .
and this time it's personal.
2. ((Ida - sister)/(grief + rage)) * mistrial + 3months*((new evidence + trial)/(shooting range + sniper rifle)) + 2years*(appeals /martial arts training) + (murderer free / training complete) = justice/vengeance: A Vigilante Mathematician Story
3. The telecommunication industry is in a shambles, having been targeted for reprisals by a renegade band of philologists who blame cell-phone texting for the younger generation's appalling disregard of the established rules of capitalization.
4. Danielle Mallory, family expatriate/private detective, teams up with her father/ex-con to search for her missing/dead? younger brother/drug user before the unthinkable/indescribable happens. Also, a deep conspiracy/race against the clock.
5. Strunk and White arise as zombies and slay all those who neglect proper capitalization. White considers it vengeance, but Strunk considers it just.
6. Dante Cherish is a criminal lawyer with a knack for keeping her clients out of prison. When one of them turns on her, assaulting her and burning down her house, she has to decide whether to pursue the case through the courts or don spandex and mete out some street justice as Red Janus, the Avenger.
7. A series of episodes in the life of little Miss Holly Day, who continually falls prey to an evil madman in an act of unimaginable cruelty that simply must be avenged by Coyote Jones and his flame-throwing sidekick Mungo Bean.
Original Version
Dear Agent/Producer/Person whose Roommate [/Butler/Plumber] is Friends with the Coen Brothers' Assistant: [The main duty of the Coen Brothers' assistant is to keep the Coen Sisters off the set. Or so I hear.] [You'd think the Coen Brothers could afford to each have an assistant.] [I'm thinking of getting an assistant myself. How much does an assistant make? The Coen Brothers' assistant probably makes enough to hire an assistant. Then when the Coen Brothers summon their assistant to do something vile like give them foot massages, the assistant's assistant has to do it.] [My assistant's main duty will be to inform me when I've run a topic into the ground.]
All her adult life, private detective Danielle Mallory has distanced herself from her family - until her younger brother sends a frantic call for help just before disappearing in the middle of a drug deal gone bad. [Because there's no better time to rejoin your family than right after your brother swindles a Colombian drug cartel.] Against her better judgment, she teams up with her ex-con father to find him. In a race against the clock – and against her father’s short fuse – Danielle is forced to compromise her own moral code to unravel the threads of her brother’s life. But when the unthinkable happens and she stumbles into a deeper conspiracy, Danielle realizes too late that nobody can escape their past. [That last sentence could use some specificity.]
"justice/vengeance" is a smart, stylish noir that can be shot for a low to medium budget [unless you can get Julia Roberts to play Danielle, in which case we can still come in under 100 mil if the Coen Brothers are willing to give up their assistant]. I myself am a recent USC graduate with several completed screenplays under my belt. Currently I am an assistant [to the Coen Brothers] and occasional copywriter for a movie advertising company.
Notes
Aren't you supposed to start with one or two sentence log line? Not that I've ever figured out how that can convince an agent you have a viable project.
I hear it's even harder to get an agent for a screenplay than for a novel. Have you considered the many screenplay competitions? They aren't free, but many do give feedback, and winning scripts sometimes get put before producers as part of the prize. At least a winning script would look good on a resume. I say this only because it's such a tough field to break into. Right now all screenplays that get produced are written by the same five people.
Another way to break in that's much easier than sending your screenplay to agents is to convert it to a novel that becomes a runaway bestseller.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
New Beginning 648
I walk into homeroom. Mrs. Jasper’s sitting at her desk, smiling and watching the morning announcements. Half the class’s attention is on the announcer, my best friend Brandon, the rest speak amongst themselves. I look for my boyfriend’s familiar face in the four seats back in the third row, but he’s not there.
The moment I notice his absence my phone vibrates in my pocket. I fish it out and a little envelope sits happily on the screen. I tap the screen. The message opens:
SiSi, i kno that this is pretty shitty but i dont think we can see each other anymore. im in a different homeroom now.
-T
I sit there, floored. Just speechless. My eyes flutter open and close until the world swirls around me and…
“Sithandra? Where you at?” Travis tapped my shoulder.
It took me a moment to get my bearings, but there I stood in front of my locker. It was 8:27 and homeroom began in less than five minutes. Travis, my boyfriend, stared at me looking just fine. No guilt. No remorse. I swear I don’t know what threw my hand across his cheek.
Like in movie slow-mo I saw his head twist to the side and smack against my locker door and...
"Excuse me?" The voice was distant, muffled; I snapped out of my daydream.
"Excuse me, Miss?" Distant, but more distinct. I glanced at the clock. Okay, he'd been on hold long enough. I adjusted my headset and adopted my work accent. "I am very sorry sir, but I am not finding any record of the transaction you are asking about. Please can you be giving me again your thirty-seven digit account number?"
Damn, I love this job.
Opening: Xiexie.....Continuation: Anon.
The moment I notice his absence my phone vibrates in my pocket. I fish it out and a little envelope sits happily on the screen. I tap the screen. The message opens:
SiSi, i kno that this is pretty shitty but i dont think we can see each other anymore. im in a different homeroom now.
-T
I sit there, floored. Just speechless. My eyes flutter open and close until the world swirls around me and…
“Sithandra? Where you at?” Travis tapped my shoulder.
It took me a moment to get my bearings, but there I stood in front of my locker. It was 8:27 and homeroom began in less than five minutes. Travis, my boyfriend, stared at me looking just fine. No guilt. No remorse. I swear I don’t know what threw my hand across his cheek.
Like in movie slow-mo I saw his head twist to the side and smack against my locker door and...
"Excuse me?" The voice was distant, muffled; I snapped out of my daydream.
"Excuse me, Miss?" Distant, but more distinct. I glanced at the clock. Okay, he'd been on hold long enough. I adjusted my headset and adopted my work accent. "I am very sorry sir, but I am not finding any record of the transaction you are asking about. Please can you be giving me again your thirty-seven digit account number?"
Damn, I love this job.
Opening: Xiexie.....Continuation: Anon.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
New Beginning 647
They came riding horses of silver and jet. The rags they wore whipped them like a fierce laughter. Everything they touched, they despoiled. Unlike any conquerer in history, they could not be placated by plunder: treasure did not interest them and beautiful youth did not entice them. They did not wish to rule. Their only purpose seemed to be the destruction of everything they touched.
Four siblings hid in the extremes of the land. The one who took after their father's father hid in the desert. The one like their father's mother hid in the clouds. The one who resembled their mother's father hid under the ground. And the one who looked like their mother's mother hid in the ocean. The four of them waited for the fifth one to tell them it was time to strike.
But he would not give the signal until he heard from the four cousins. The cousin who looked like the aunt’s granddaughter worked in a bar called Centerfolds. The one who looked like the uncle’s nephew hid in his trailer, drinking whiskey. The one who looked like the uncle’s uncle was selling timeshares in the Pocono’s. And the one who looked like the aunt’s father's niece was doing time in Morningwood penitentiary for public indecency. The four of them waited for the fifth cousin to tell them when to tell the fifth brother to tell the other brothers to strike.
But the fifth cousin would not contact them until he heard from the four sisters-in-law...
Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: Matthew
Four siblings hid in the extremes of the land. The one who took after their father's father hid in the desert. The one like their father's mother hid in the clouds. The one who resembled their mother's father hid under the ground. And the one who looked like their mother's mother hid in the ocean. The four of them waited for the fifth one to tell them it was time to strike.
But he would not give the signal until he heard from the four cousins. The cousin who looked like the aunt’s granddaughter worked in a bar called Centerfolds. The one who looked like the uncle’s nephew hid in his trailer, drinking whiskey. The one who looked like the uncle’s uncle was selling timeshares in the Pocono’s. And the one who looked like the aunt’s father's niece was doing time in Morningwood penitentiary for public indecency. The four of them waited for the fifth cousin to tell them when to tell the fifth brother to tell the other brothers to strike.
But the fifth cousin would not contact them until he heard from the four sisters-in-law...
Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: Matthew
Monday, June 08, 2009
Face-Lift 641
Guess the Plot
Drinkers
1. To hear them tell it, the drinkers at Cara's Tavern were all big shots in their day, running banks and shady spying operations. But Cara knows they are what they always were: lushes. When these men and women organize to protest the city's new beer tax, hilarity ensues.
2. Four frat boys wander into a strange bar and challenge four other men to a drinking contest. After a while, it becomes clear that these men are satyrs. The frat boys win, but it turns out satyrs are sore losers. Can one semi-civilized small college survive the wrath of four drunken goat-men?
3. A group of eccentric alcoholics who meet at AA in an old church basement decide to form a rock & roll band called, ironically, The Drinkers . . . and to produce a rock opera that will raise enough money to replace the church roof.
4. In a world where vampires no longer drink human blood, there are exceptions: Drinkers! When Cyril learns that some Drinkers may be living in town, it's up to him to investigate, and to report his findings to the World Vampire Association.
5. Despite her years of apprenticeship, Natalie is denied entry to the all-powerful Tasters Guild for daring to point out that all red wine pretty much tastes the same. Natalie responds by organizing the town breweries and secretly replanting the vineyards with hops.
6. Pat O'Malley's bar has attracted its share of regulars over the centuries. The same regulars. Pat's bar is built over the Fountain of Youth, and when Pat decides to close up shop and retire, his immortal clientele take offense.
Original Version
Please find enclosed a synopsis and the first chapter of DRINKERS.
As far as Ethan and Forrest know, they are the only two vampires in the city, or maybe the world, if, indeed, they are actually vampires. [That could be said of anyone. For example: As far as Evil Editor knows, he is the only vampire in the city, or maybe the world, if, indeed, he is actually a vampire. What makes Ethan and Forrest think they might be vampires?] When they find a body with bite marks on the neck, it opens the door to discovering people like themselves—if [, indeed, they are actually vampires.] that’s what they choose.
Ethan and Forrest aren’t the only ones interested in the body. Cyril is the Director of the local group of vampires, who are part of the world vampire organization. [If that's the name of the organization, capitalize it. If it's not the name, use the name. Surely Cyril would know the name.] All vampires today hide their true natures, never become intimate with humans, and never drink human blood—all except Drinkers. [If the Drinkers ever want any decent PR, they can start by coming up with a better name than Drinkers. It sounds a bit silly. I mean, you don't see zombies calling themselves Eaters, do you? They go with Devourers. Much scarier.] [Maybe your Drinkers should be called Downers. Get it? It's a double meaning.] The body is evidence of Drinkers in the area, and as Director it falls to Cyril to report it and lead an investigation. Cyril has had his eye on Ethan for a while—Ethan might help him find the Drinkers, unless they both come under suspicion themselves.
DRINKERS is a vampire novel that reaches beyond vampires to [werewolves.] questions of morality, identity and belonging. It is literary and thought-provoking as well as tense and action-packed. [There's no evidence in the query that the book is any of these things. I'm not taking your word.] It is gritty, violent at times, and feels more like Chuck Palahniuk than Anne Rice. Though I had not read Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns before writing Drinkers, I feel some similarities with how Miller twists a fantasy story into something deeper, maybe more cynical, and certainly more literary. [I think what you're trying to say is, My novel is literary fiction, like Batman.] I hope you enjoy it.
Sincerely,
Notes
That final paragraph has to go. If you describe a plot that's thought-provoking, tense, action-packed, gritty, violent at times, Palahniukish, and that twists a fantasy story into something deeper, maybe more cynical, and certainly more literary, then you won't need to declare it in so many words. Also, I don't think the average person looking for a novel about the World Vampire Association is going to be swayed by knowing it's "literary."
Are people aware vampires exist? If so, why do Ethan and Forrest think they're possibly the only vampires in the world? If not, how do people explain bodies with their blood drained through bite marks on their necks?
Are the Drinkers a danger to Cyril and Ethan and Forrest? Investigating and reporting isn't as interesting as kill or be killed. What's at stake?
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Saturday Film Series
Some of you have seen these films, as I produced them for another blog, but as I'm low on material or feeling lazy, I'll post them here for the first time.
The task in the first film was to read something completely bland and make it sound sexy. The task in the second film was to read something sexy and make it sound unsexy.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Face-Lift 640
Guess the Plot
Tinkers
1. Someone has been urinating in the chili served at the school cafeteria. It's a mystery, until ace detective Jake Bolshoi turns up a gang of kindergarten punks who call themselves . . . the Tinkers.
2. Bobby Simmons always wondered what crazy gadgets old man Tinkers invented in his basement. When a dare compels Bobby to break into the curmudgeon's house, he discovers . . . a meth lab!
3. The rant-radio hosts were right about a certain Teletubby warping the minds of preschoolers; they were just wrong about how. Tinky-Winky wasn't luring tots down the path to gaydom, he was hypnotizing a generation to serve as his army of global conquest. Can 15-year-old Connor break the mind-meld, swear off his handbag and save the world?
4. Despite his years of apprenticeship, young Marco is denied entry to the all powerful Steam Engineers Guild for daring to make changes on existing machines. Naturally, Marco responds by starting his own union. Steampunk hilarity ensues.
5. When Benjamin Hawthorne discovers people who call themselves Tinkers living in RVs behind his house, he investigates. But can he and his twin sister discover what the Tinkers' relationship is to Peter Pan before it's too late?
6. There's nothing the citizens of Spretzen can't take apart, reverse engineer and rebuild. When wealthy Hamilton Stone sets the town a challenge, providing them with CERN blueprints, an ICBM and twelve pounds of weapons-grade plutonium, they have to decide whether to suppress their natural inclinations or to create a machine that will destroy the planet.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Ben and his twin sister Emma move to the country and what they find in the woods will question everything they've ever known about their dead mother. ["Question" isn't the word you want. "Lead them to question" works, but it's wordy. Try "refute" or "nullify" or, for something stronger, "nuke."]
In my 55k word urban fantasy YA novel TINKERS, Thirteen-year-old Benjamin Hawthorne hears rumors at his new school about a group of people called Tinkers who live in RV’s in the woods behind his house. They’re thieves, drunks, uneducated, and haven’t taken a shower in weeks. [But they have hearts of gold.] When Ben actually meets a Tinker and he doesn’t fit this stereotype, [He's a smelly drunk thief, but he has a PhD from Harvard.] Ben sets out on a course to uncover the truth about the people in the woods: that they protect a secret race of faeries [Maybe it's the colon, but it sounds like he suspects this fairy tale, and just wants to gather evidence. He meets a guy who isn't a drunken thief, and starts an investigation? Why?] that may have been the inspiration for JM Barrie’s Peter Pan and that the Tinkers themselves may be closer to Ben than just a people living in the woods nearby.
I have recently completed an MA in Creative Writing from Newcastle University in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. I have had a short story published in Lit by New Writing North in conjunction with Newcastle University. I have also had several works published in Blackberry Winter, an annual chapbook of Rochester College where I earned my BA in English and Professional Writing. This is my first novel.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and thank you for all the advice and laughs you've given your readers so far. Please never stop giving us glimpses into your world. [Why, you ass-kissing, bootlicking, apple-polishing suck-up. If you think you can sweet talk me into publishing you . . . you're right! How's half a million sound? With any luck I'll find a book doctor who can do something with this crap, maybe turn it into a historical romance.]
Upon your request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript. [Not necessary. I just spoke to a book doctor, and all we need is your title. We're gonna go with Guess the Plot #2.] Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work.
Regards,
Notes
What truth was Ben hoping to uncover when he started looking into the Tinkers? It seems like the fact that the Tinkers don't fit the stereotype is the truth, and he already uncovered it. Is he trying to uncover why smart upstanding clean citizens live in RVs in the woods behind his house? Tell us that so his investigating makes sense.
Less about you and more about the plot would be nice. For instance, you start by telling us there's a twin sister and a dead mum. Maybe you could mention them again. Does Emma do anything? What's the most important thing Ben believed about his mother that has been disproved? How was it disproved? Is the main story Ben finding out about his mother?
If I'm in a secret race of faeries in the woods and I want to keep it secret, the last thing I want is a bunch of RVs parked around my camp, drawing attention to me.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
New Beginning 646
Hagai woke with a book attached to his face. He peeled it off and found his glasses where they’d fallen nearby. Page 91 of Lushita’s City was ruined. It was wrinkled by sweat, the words faded – probably imprinted on his face in reverse. Aunt Booker wouldn’t be happy with him, but who was?
With a groan, he stood and shuffled to the dresser – the only furniture in the room other than his sleep pad. He took out the neatly folded shirt and pants from their respective stacks and put them on. While he buttoned his shirt – a routine he performed slowly on purpose – he stared out the window. The suns were up already – the amber was even near peak. It was going to be a hot day. With luck, he wouldn’t have to be out in it.
Far below, the town of Providence bristled with work. Past that lay the sea – glittering blue for the most part, but beyond the reef, the water was murky, almost black. The skylers called it dark water. The worst fate for a skyler was to have their ship fall out of the sky over a patch of it. It was about the only thing nobody pretended to be brave about.
Aunt Booker’s voice hollered from downstairs. “You done buttoning your shirt yet, Haggie?”
How did she always know?
Hagai's Aunt tutted quietly to herself, and pushed one foot against the ground to set her wooden rocker back in motion. She turned back to her book: ...eager not to endure another tongue-lashing, he bustled out of the room half-dressed. With only one leg safely in his pants, he got the other one caught up and crashed to the floor...
Aunt Booker shook her head in exasperation and pushed herself to standing when she heard the thud.
Opening: Adam Heine.....Continuation: anon.
With a groan, he stood and shuffled to the dresser – the only furniture in the room other than his sleep pad. He took out the neatly folded shirt and pants from their respective stacks and put them on. While he buttoned his shirt – a routine he performed slowly on purpose – he stared out the window. The suns were up already – the amber was even near peak. It was going to be a hot day. With luck, he wouldn’t have to be out in it.
Far below, the town of Providence bristled with work. Past that lay the sea – glittering blue for the most part, but beyond the reef, the water was murky, almost black. The skylers called it dark water. The worst fate for a skyler was to have their ship fall out of the sky over a patch of it. It was about the only thing nobody pretended to be brave about.
Aunt Booker’s voice hollered from downstairs. “You done buttoning your shirt yet, Haggie?”
How did she always know?
Hagai's Aunt tutted quietly to herself, and pushed one foot against the ground to set her wooden rocker back in motion. She turned back to her book: ...eager not to endure another tongue-lashing, he bustled out of the room half-dressed. With only one leg safely in his pants, he got the other one caught up and crashed to the floor...
Aunt Booker shook her head in exasperation and pushed herself to standing when she heard the thud.
Opening: Adam Heine.....Continuation: anon.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Face-Lift 639
Guess the Plot
93 Degrees North
1. Gary Stale dreamt of traveling to the arctic and standing at the very top of the earth. After his retirement, his dream turns into reality and he makes a chilling discovery--A hovering spaceship that is the source of the northern lights.
2. On earth, there exists a portal that crosses into another dimension--A portal that rests at 93 degrees north. When an exploration team crosses over and gets lost, can they survive "Dark Earth" long enough to make it home?
3. What does 93 Degrees North mean? Absolutely nothing. But when a minion is tasked with making a humorous plot to go along with this bland title will he give up and walk away or persevere and submit a weak entry?
4. On a research vessel in the North Atlantic, Stu Nash discovers a magnetic anomaly: the ship's GPS reads "93 degrees north." Have they sailed into a realm of supernatural dangers - sirens, krakens, monsters and an inhuman otherworldly creature that feeds on human death? Or is the damn GPS malfunctioning as usual?
5. First thing Wizard Ferkle does is ruin the compass and get lost. Second thing is drive through a time warp and blow the tires. Third, the map goes up in smoke. Now it's up to Tommy to save them by battling a horde of angry Druids and an evil princess and finding the way home to Glasgow.
6. Robert Fredrick Albert Cook has a beef with history. Admiral Peary discredited his ancestor's journey to the North Pole, and Bob wants to set the record straight. Unfortunately, he's lost, his GPS is giving him an impossible latitude, and he's just spotted what looks like a massive toy factory made of candy canes.
Original Version
Dear (Agent),
I am seeking representation for my horror novel "93 Degrees North" (101,000 words).
Stu Nash isn't even supposed to be aboard the research ship Waylander; his friend Tony Morland was supposed to run their experimental equipment, while Stu monitored the results from their Edinburgh base station. But, when Tony breaks his leg, Stu has to take his place [because the electricity that powers the experimental equipment is produced by pedaling a stationary bike really fast] - and so it's Stu who discovers a weird magnetic anomaly, a strange waveform somewhere in the North Atlantic.
Depressed by his accident, Tony strikes up an acquaintance with Germanic historian Joanna Kretzschmar. [When you're in Edinburgh monitoring experimental scientific equipment, is it normal to have German historians hanging around the facility?] Joanna is with him when Stu's report comes through, and she sees the waveform - and recognizes it; she's seen it before, on a mediaeval Norse manuscript [, the sheet music to Eric the Red's megahit, "King Harald Wartooth Goes to Valhalla"].
It's a mystery that needs investigating, and Tony and Stu arrange for the ship to follow the line of the mysterious waveform, into the Arctic Circle. But things start to go wrong; there's a shadowy figure haunting Joanna, and as the ship follows the signal, its communication and navigation systems begin to break down. And then the crew of the ship start to see ghosts, too.
As Joanna struggles with her ghosts, she comes to understand what's happening; the waveform is a lure, put in place by a monstrous, inhuman creature; a white hunger that lives outside the real world. [She just "comes to understand" this? Was her train of thought something like this:
1. A research vessel has discovered a strange waveform.
2. That's the same waveform I once saw in a mediaeval Norse manuscript.]
3. It's a monstrous inhuman creature from another world! We're all gonna die!]
And, as the Waylander follows the lure, it's drawn out of the real world itself, into a realm of supernatural dangers - sirens, krakens, monsters of the deeps. The ship's crew are being picked off, one by one, while the white hunger feeds on their deaths.
Tony and Stu's equipment is the only link left between the Waylander and the real world - and Tony is obsessed, now, with finding what lies at the end of the waveform's path. Can Joanna break through his obsession and get him to turn the ship back towards safety - or will the white hunger feed on the lives of everyone aboard? [If I'm part of the crew that's getting picked off one by one, I'm not waiting around to see if Joanna can get through to Tony. The ship is turning back, and if Tony doesn't like it, he's going overboard.]
I'm a computer scientist and linguistician with an abiding interest in the mythology of the Norse sagas. Although I've been an avid reader and amateur writer for many years, this is my first attempt at finding professional representation.
Thank you for your time and consideration - I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
--------------------------------------------------------
Author's note; not part of query: (The ship's haywire GPS reads "93 degrees north" at one point, hence the title. But I'm sure you gathered that.)
Notes
Wasn't this an X-Files?
If your ship is no longer in the real world, can you really get to safety just by turning around?
Is it just a coincidence that the one person in the world who would recognize a waveform from a medieval Norse manuscript happens to be present when that waveform is transmitted to a scientific facility in Edinburgh?
Are waveforms so distinctive you never forget one? Even if they're all unique, it's like a cop seeing a fingerprint and remembering it from a case he had years ago. Or it would be, if Joanna was a physicist instead of a historian.
What do the crew think is responsible for the deaths? Is there talk of mutiny? I mean, from the Arctic Circle to 90 degrees north is 1650 miles, and research ships aren't speedboats. How long before someone says, "Hey, cap'n, turn the fuckin' boat around."?
The query reads okay, it's just a matter of deciding whether any of the questions it inspires need to be answered or avoided.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
New Beginning 645
At sixteen, Martha kidnapped her surrogate son Karl from their private prison and the only home they had ever known. IKG Psinetics, the most sophisticated genetics laboratory on Earth, created, raised and trained her to be the best at something. But they never told her what that something was. The anonymous staff taught her nine tongues fluently and a survivable grasp of twenty more. She was a biopid, pronounced like myopic, they told her, a genetically modified human. She learned a barrage of espionage techniques, philosophy, math, science, wide-ranging social skills including seduction, and most especially, psychology, both Eastern and Western.
The staff never told her their names, so she came up with names for them, which they accepted with indifference. Doctor Bob, Doctor Harry, Doctor Marcia. If one got too close to her emotionally, as happened a couple of times, they disappeared. She never left.
At fifty, she knew more about psychology than anyone else on the face of the earth. She was a psychic, pronounced like tripod, they told her, a reincarnation of Freud. But they were wrong. The Oedipus Complex was off, for one thing: Martha took Karl with her, but she left him at McDonald's (pronounced like "orange"). The psychology of surrogate motherhood was to be her next study.
Opening: Kelly Mitchell.....Continuation: Rachel
The staff never told her their names, so she came up with names for them, which they accepted with indifference. Doctor Bob, Doctor Harry, Doctor Marcia. If one got too close to her emotionally, as happened a couple of times, they disappeared. She never left.
At fifty, she knew more about psychology than anyone else on the face of the earth. She was a psychic, pronounced like tripod, they told her, a reincarnation of Freud. But they were wrong. The Oedipus Complex was off, for one thing: Martha took Karl with her, but she left him at McDonald's (pronounced like "orange"). The psychology of surrogate motherhood was to be her next study.
Opening: Kelly Mitchell.....Continuation: Rachel
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)