Monday, December 03, 2012
Guess the Plot
For War and Glory
1. Champion Dachshund War falls hard for a lovely Great Dane named Glory at the Westminster Dog Show.
2. Hawkish college sophomore Jed Witz is hopelessly smitten with Glory Jones, chair of the campus peace group. For some reason his attempts to change her views aren't winning her heart. What to do? He can't be... For War and Glory.
3. War (short for Warington Jackson III) wants Glory. Her fingernails drive him crazy, all twelve of them. The way she runs those nails down his instep, well, he'd like to more than tip her. Glory never wants to touch a foot again. She's got a supply of synthetic nail fungus, and she's prepared to fight for her freedom.
4. The planet Gorgonia boasts a long lineage of war-loving, slug-like creatures intent upon other-world domination. Unfortunately, the world they are planning to conquer has just gained a new ally, a small Earth girl who is utterly ruthless. Can Thullu and Phtumu defeat the eight-year old, or will love for each other conquer them, and bring peace to the warring planets? Also, tips for cleaning a slime trail.
5. Billy and forty-three of his classmates, class of ’15, join the New Zealand Division following their December graduation. They are quickly trained, shipped to France, and settled in near the River Somme. At 6:20 AM, September 15th they go over the top. On November 12th, Billy and his three remaining classmates – all invalids -- are shipped home.
6. A galactic war among insectoid, reptilian, human, etc. races leads to the Court Martial of one Riley O'Hara. Also, a cyborg.
7. When Jeff finally unlocks the fiendishly tricky secret level on "For War and Glory", weird men in black are at the door, helicopters buzz the house, and his folks disappear. All he wanted was to see some video game sex. Guess that's not gonna happen now, so he might as well skip school.
Synopsis - Lokians: Book 3 For War and Glory
Captain Riley O’Hara of Earth Navy sits before the Judge Advocate. A barrage of questions and accusations accost the young Captain regarding his recent abandonment of his Naval post. O’Hara defends himself during the Court Martial by telling his story. Several crimes were committed during his stint, including but not limited too [to], giving Human Intel to aliens, bringing in alien satellites to restore communications, dropping a race of alien, monsters in the battlefield, and kidnapping the President of the North American Union.
Gray mother ships positioned over government buildings around the world while alien hybrids took control from behind the shadows. [The last two sentences are in past tense. Is that because those two sentences are O'Hara's story at the Court Martial? Or is the whole thing his testimony?] [Also, behind the shadows? When a shadow is cast on something, that thing becomes darker, but I don't think it's behind the shadow, as the shadow isn't an object. Sometimes people are said to be hiding in the shadows. And of course it's possible to be behind The Shadow.] With Thewlian allies faring poorly after one of a precious few Carriers was destroyed, O’Hara and the remnants of his former crew must utilize NOAHH, the cyborg, to subvert alien communications, hunt down the reptilian overlord, Oloroc, remove the immense Gray vessels wreaking havoc planet side, and disavow the entire situation as The Bureau predicates.
The situation continuously deteriorates as Gray Sentinels knock out NOAHH, preventing the use of Earth’s satellite weaponry, this just after the successful destruction of a single enemy communications relay. All the while, added tons of mass on Earth distorts atmospheric pressure providing the D.O.D. an excess of difficulty while the Grays are privy to zero-gravity engines.
A temporal discordance caused by the defeat of the Lokians behind space-time alters the flow of time. This effect puts more pressure on the already wore out [worn-out] crew as they scramble through abandoned alien facilities for Intel, dodge careening wreckage in New York, and finally plan the ultimate strike against an unwavering enemy.
O’Hara focuses on one task at a time, allowing his former crew to grow and flourish on their own. With new roles for old characters comes a unified explanation tying all the races together, from the illusive [elusive?] travelers to the obscured Reptilians.
Once Lieutenant Commander Swain restores NOAHH, Fitzpatrick [Who? There's been no Fitzpatrick mentioned.] leads a ground strike on D.C. to locate and demolish the alien hybrids. Korit, the Thewl, [defeats Jabba the Hutt and then] leads a mission to destroy a Gray harvesting facility. O’Hara is forced to recruit a civilian pilot to fly into a Teragon, practically a suicide mission and The Bureau does their best to cover everything up, though they do lend quite a bit of support.
Naturally, most everything comes out into the open, at least to the D.O.D., who finally capture O’Hara and prosecute. Admiral Lay steps in to help, and President Montrose twists the truth to come out like a rose. In the end, O’Hara and crew work hard to return where everything began, planet Eon, where benevolent alien races unite to create a new system, a united, galactic front. [Not a chance.]
Author's note: (The title Lokians has nothing to do with Loki and I had not considered until after the first book was published. It's just the name I gave to the insectoid aliens.)
I note you have reptilian and insectoid aliens. Are there also amphibian, avian, and fishy aliens? Actually, that's not a bad idea. I recommend abandoning this project and writing a book in which the various classes of animals all send one champion to a competition that will determine which class gets to rule the planet. The fish, of course, would send a shark. Reptiles would send a crocodile. Mammals would probably go with a human, even though we'd be better off with a gorilla or a whale or a bear or a rhinoceros. We're too conceited to admit other mammals are better than we are at anything. Insects would go with a bee. They wouldn't have a chance. Neither would birds, although its ability to fly would make a hawk or eagle hard to catch. But birds are kind of stupid, so they'd probably send a chicken and lose in the first round. Unless it was the chicken from Family Guy.
This is just a list of stuff that happens, with little elaboration on any of it. Which probably describes most synopses, but here, almost every paragraph is a list. If you could focus the whole thing on the story arc of one character rather than bringing in such minor occurrences as dodging wreckage, destroying a harvesting facility, recruiting a civilian pilot to fly into a Teragon . . .
Too many characters. There's no need to throw in Swain, Fitzpatrick. Korit, and Lay if their roles warrant only one sentence. Do we need Grays and Thewls and Lokians and reptilians? Basically, there's a war going on between someone and someone else and O'Hara is given a mission? Is that the story? Or is the entire galactic war your story.
Start over. Tell us the story of O'Hara. What is his situation? What are his goals? What's preventing him from reaching them? What's he planning to do about it? The synopsis of Saving Private Ryan isn't a history of WWII.