Monday, November 21, 2011

Twitter War

Like most sane people, Evil Editor avoided Twitter like the plague. The writing skills of humanity had declined enough without putting a 140-character limit on the only literary output being produced by the computer generation.

Then Mrs. Varmighan secretly became a Tweeter, which was okay until the day she came into EE's office and asked him to tweak her tweet. To EE's mind, this was the day he'd been waiting for; he'd been trying unsuccessfully to tweak her tweet since the day he'd hired her. Turned out she just wanted him to edit her unauthorized biography of him down to 140 characters.

The final straw came when EE returned from vacation to find that Mrs. V had appropriated a major portion of his blog's sidebar with her tweets, most of which were cartoons mocking him.

EE immediately opened his own Twitter account. A few days later, EE boasted that he had as many followers as Mrs. V, but she pointed out that the statistics were misleading; her tweets were available on his blog, so it wasn't necessary for those who followed her to follow her. Fuming, EE immediately hired a techie, at a nominal charge of $804.99, to figure out how to put his tweets on the blog.

That's where we stand today. EE has declared he will stop tweeting if Mrs. V reaches 100 followers before he does. Mrs. V has accepted the challenge; she'll do the same, as long as he agrees to let her tweets stay on top of his in the sidebar, and not to take advantage of his engagement to Lady Gaga by asking her to encourage her followers to follow EE.


Unknown said...

Oh dear god, you're going to make me get a Twitter account, aren't you?

I'm never going to finish my novel.

vkw said...

oh fudge. I'm going to have to tweet now as well. I don't even facebook.

This is an outrage.

I can't do it.

Okay, I will. My first tweet is going to be a novel idea about a dystopia culture in peril due to tweeting.


none said...

Children, children.

Jo-Ann said...

Oh dear, EE, I would demand a refund from that techie. Your tweets dont seem to be anywhere on your blog. At least, not where I can see. Mrs V's links are quite obvious.
I thnk sh e might be sabotaging the blog...

Evil Editor said...

What? They're not in the sidebar on the left right under Mrs. V's tweets? They are on my screen.

Jo-Ann said...

They're there now.
I swear they weren't a while ago.

fairyhedgehog said...

Sorry, why is Mrs Varmighan on top again?

I already follow you both. There's no more I can do.

Evil Editor said...

She's always had the top position in the sidebar. She has, however, fallen behind in followers. If only there were a hashtag label for overworked assistants.

Chelsea Pitcher said...

I'm so happy right now.