Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday Feature 27

I had a dream last night in which I was on a city sidewalk and a woman was selling a bunch of items like you might see at a yard sale. I picked up a board game, which was in pretty bad condition; it was called Courtroom. The cover reminded me of Clue...

but I opened the game board, and it looked more like Monopoly. I was about to ask the woman if the game was any good when this little girl interrupted my train of thought by handing me fifteen cents as payment for some piece of crap. Apparently she thought I was the seller. And then I woke up, so thanks to this kid I never got to see the details of the game. Although I'm thinking each player is a famous TV lawyer like Perry Mason, Denny Crane, Lionel Hutz etc.

Anyway, I've decided that this dream is a sign that I am destined to make my fortune creating Courtroom. What I need from you guys is help in designing the game. Monopoly devotes six spaces on its board to Chance and Community Chest. In Courtroom, I've decided these spaces will be called Judgments and Briefs. So your first task in this endeavor will be to come up with courtroom-related things that should be written on the Judgments and Briefs cards. Send your ideas as comments.

Let's get this project rolling; I'm not getting any younger.


Anonymous said...

1. "That hooker had no family!"

Due to a lack of public interest, the DA has agreed to drop your pending cases so that he can focus on running for mayor.

2. "You are in contempt!"

Pay $500 or go directly to jail.

3. "The race card"

A mistrial has been declared!

Evil Editor said...

1. Suicide attempt fails.

Sue megacorporation for ten million dollars and win.

2. Juror falls in love with you.

Advance to justice of the peace after hung (11-1) jury.

3. Your client flashes judge during obscenity trial. Lose 1 turn.

Anonymous said...

1. Objection overruled.

Miss a turn.

2. Objection sustained

Roll the die again.

3. Bribe

Redeem this card along with $100,000 to overturn a verdict.

4. Surprise Witness

Extend a court case. Receive an additional turn.

Keri-Jon Faulkner said...

1. Prosecution gives a rousing closing speech, grandly snatching the ground you've gained.

Move back 5 spaces.

2. Stenographer develops acute Narcolepsy.

Lose 1 turn.

3. "I'm Guilty!"

Your client develops a late-in-life conscience, dashing your case to the ground. Go directly to jail. This stinks of perjury.

Khazar-khum said...

1."I never had sex with that woman."

Your client lies on the stand.

Pay $500 or go directly to jail.

2."I'll kill all you all with no remorse."

Your client threatens the jury, goes directly to jail.

Lose 1 turn.

3. "This ain't water! It's vodka!"

Your client gets a drink of "water" from the judge.

Mistrial declared!

4. Subpoena!

Moves opponent back to your space.

5. "Police brutality!"

Your client's accusation starts an investigation.

Mistrial declared.

(For the Anon who said "The Race Card"--go directly to Win.)

Unknown said...

As someone who has zero knowledge on how the court system works (never been picked for jury duty, woo hoo!) I can only say this sounds EPIC and I demand a signed copy when it's released.

vkw said...

1. Pay professional witness

2. Pay for an alibi

3. Invoke your 5th Amendment Rights
Found Not Guilty but sanctioned by Senate; Penalty None

4. Lawyer Disbarred, hire new lawyer

5. DA fresh out of law school
Get out of Jail Free

6. Police brutality
Win appeal

7. Police fail to read Miranda Rights
Charges dropped

8. Private Investigator catches your no good cheating spouse cheating
Divorce Settlement: 75% of marital wealth plus alimony for six years

9. Prenuptial!
Get out of marriage free

10. Caught selling Senate Seat
Lose Governor Seat; earn $1 million for book advance

11. Found quilty in Ponzi Scheme
150 years imprisonment, no parole

12. Found guilty of crimes against children

10 years, chance for parole 3 years

13. DNA conclusive against client
Successful plea agreement for client

Khazar-khum said...

1.Surprise witness!

Lose a turn.

2. Motion to suppress!

Lose a turn.

3. Contempt of court!

Lose a turn.

4. Evidence tampering!

Lose a turn.

5 DA uninterested in case.

Advance to WIN!

6. Defendant enters courtroom with gun.

Advance 10 spaces.

7. Your client enters courtroom with gun.

Go back 10 spaces.

8.DA shows up drunk.


9. Client shows up drunk.

Lose a turn.

10. Your client attacks judge.

Lose 2 turns.

11. Your client attacks opposition.

Lose 1 turn.

12. Your client attacks you.

Roll again.

(capcha for this was: giati)

angela robbins said...

anon 1. i am lmfao!!!