Thursday, November 26, 2009
Let Us Give Thanks
1. I'm thankful the piggy vampire things the ones with the curly tails like demon spawn demon spawn pouring outta their damn backsides and the squeeeeee the squeeeeeee like Burt Reynolds and the underpant guy and the banjo the pig the guts the whole wretched bloody scene yeah glad that's stopped glad that's stopped thank the lord thank the lord thank the lord.
2. I'm thankful Stevie Wonder never did a duet with Marilyn Manson, though as an insider, I know they dressed up weird together twice.
3. I'm thankful that bats are way way down on the list of species threatened by man's colossal stupidity thanks to an idiot novel Bram Stoker once wrote.
4. I'm thankful for gloves. And yet, so not some bizarre fetishist whose every waking moment is devoted to the blissful sound feel taste sensation of fingers stretching a tight wool knit into a subtle (yet audible for those with ears) skrckrchsrchrchrcschsh-sk rsachrkcsh.
5. I'm thankful for flakes of dried skin between my toes. I'm 83 for chrissake what the fuck else is there to live for?
I'm thankful for EE, Miss Snark, Janet Reid, and all the other wonderful bloggers.
I'm thankful for the cat on my lap, the one whose breath smells either like fish or something dead.
I'm thankful for the chance to know and love my friend, even though she's ruining her life.
I'm thankful for Dad, who just pulled into the driveway after a long day of work, and Mom, who's in the kitchen, getting ready for Thanksgiving.
I thank my best friend, who's seen me at my worst and still loves me more than life.
Since the dinner is at my house:
1. I'm Thankful that the rest of the family fears my cooking, so all I have to do is provide a room and a table.
2. I'm Thankful that the Poodles edit my work.
3. I'm really, truly Thankful that I have a powerful dishwasher.
1) Whenever my kids are ill or hungry or cold I have the resources to do something about it.
2) I have an unlimited supply of paper.
3) I have no clue who Penelope Cruz is. Is she better looking than David Tennant? Can't be. I'm thankful for David Tennant.
I'm thankful that I live far away from home and don't have to eat dry turkey with gravy granules and overcooked sweet potatoes and pretend that I enjoy it.
Happy Thanksgiving to the US contingent, nonetheless :)