Dear Evil Editor,
Here is my novel Lions and Butterflies for you to publish. I'm sure you'll want to publish it because everyone who's read it agrees that it's strong, moving and literary with a hint of raciness and intrigue while being unafraid to tackle the major issues of the day such as cloning, genetic modification and graffiti.
Here are just some of the awesome comments I've received:
"It's wonderful, darling" (my mother).
"Yes, yes, OK, it's great" (my sister).
The leader of the East Sussex and North Worthing Critique Group, who has had poems published by Lulu, said "I have never read any book quite like yours."
My clarinet teacher said he would read it but he hasn't come back to me yet and he isn't returning my calls. I think he must be on holiday. The postman hasn't read it yet either although he keeps promising he will. They both said that they were very excited about reading it.
Let me know when I can expect my first advance.
--Fairy Hedgehog (Miss)