Sunday, February 01, 2009

Fake Query 1

Dear Evil Editor:

I hope you will enjoy the sample excerpt from my genre-crossing, 92,000-word Science Fiction/Mystery/Romance novel, Missing Elements, pasted in below the body of this email. For your amusement, I’ve included several live-links to various websites — ones that provided a great deal of inspiration and information as I wrote the story — within the brief description of the plot that follows.

When Eviledium, the elusive element (Ee), is finally confirmed as number 117 on the Periodic Table, the scientific engineers of FU at City Kollege are as excited as a neon gas-blend glowing periwinkle blue about the accreditation. Among those engineers are Drs. Jan and Helga Broodleskett, who continue their research of recreating, storing and aging previously unknown elements while the university’s Board of Directors takes physical and promotional possession of the element known as Ee (Eviledium), which subsequently (and ebulliently) is found to be naturally occurring on the dwarf planet HD 253845. See what happens when a planet is rich in Eviledium.

But rumors begin to swirl that the Photos and Computer Generated Images of the planet from the Spitzer Space Telescope, as well as data from the Broodleskett’s research indicating the planet is solidly dense, highly radioactive and surrounded by a fuzzy ring of metallic “fur”, may have been faked. As a result, the accreditation process is put on hold. Within hours of being secured in a lead-lined capsule in a vault beneath the school, the elusive element (Ee) is cloned, sampled, frozen and ultimately, stolen.

Despite a CSI cum-lade-media-blitz that prevents them from using the university’s lab facilities, Jan and Helga stand firm with their calculations regarding both the element and the planet while they frantically try to recreate the missing element with little more than the most basic equipment. Dalton Swab, a student- engineer/part-time sleuth and a very observant fellow, aids the Broodlesketts with timely contributions. But Ee's not the only “missing element”. Jan and Helga may be at the peak of their scientific careers, but their love life has been on a downhill trajectory since the turn of the century. As the intrigue surrounding the dissappearance of Ee gatheres, they find themselves drawn together with renewed passion as they risk life and prosthetic limb to both recreate and recapture all their Missing Elements.

My work has been featured in two volumes of Novel Deviations, (©2007 & 2008 Evil Editor Publications) so of course I adore your blog and read it faithfully. I’ve had several pieces of flash-fiction posted in e-zines which have been archived at [http://news.scam.article/]. I look forward to your reply!



Dave Fragments said...

This is very funny. I enjoyed it.

fairyhedgehog said...

Hot flashes are caused by EE? I should have guessed.

Nice one!

Robin B. said...

When Eviledium, the elusive element (Ee). Meri, this explains SO much, girl.

And I'm with FH, I should have guessed about EE's periodic thing and the hot flash outcome. Good one!

PJD said...

I love the last few sentences. They bring it all together. The love life on the downward trajectory, the crisis risking life and prosthetic limb... I can imagine the climactic scene when everything's about to go to hell, and they avow their love for each other, then one of them comes up with the epiphany that saves the plot and the resulting box office totals. Classic.