Monday, February 02, 2009
Guess the Plot
The Aton Project
1. In the drug ring that rules New York City's seedy underworld, there is only one rule: Don't mess with David Orshanksy. But new-to-the-streets cop James Aton disobeys that rule and tries to take the drug lord down for murder. Now, the new Aton Project is recruiting in the underworld. The project objective? Simple. Kill Officer Aton.
2. Thanks to the military's Aton project, the moon has just exploded. What does this mean to Earth? Dawson Boggs has the key--the key to a safe deposit box containing all the secrets of the government. But is the government behind the kidnapping of his true love? And how long before moon rocks the size of Nebraska start plummeting to Earth?
3. Power hungry High Priest Ahlghorsadjufus convinces ancient Egypt their civilization will be doomed by global warming unless drastic action is taken. But when Ahlghorsadjufus unveils his solution (overtaxing the peasants), the Pharaoh steps in with his own plan called the Aton Project (a dubious scheme to extinguish the sun). Now Ra is totally pissed and will release His fury upon the earth unless Ahlghorsadjufus admits the inconvenient truth.
4. The Nota Project failed tragically, or so it seemed. But as the surviving scientists pick through the rubble of their lab, a biologist notices that his heart is beating on his right side. They've been blown into a mirror universe, and their only hope of return is--the Aton Project.
5. When Mr. Simpson assigned the 4th grade "friendly atom" science project, Timmy thought he said "friendly aton" so while the other kids read about hydrogen and oxygen, Timmy dashed through his secret playground portal to Ancient Egypt to try to convince the old god to come back for show-and-tell, never dreaming he might get confused with King Tut. Can Timmy make it home? Or is there a mummy in his future?
6. When a bush pilot announces his discovery of the Aton, the last tribe untouched by the civilized world, five die-hards hurry from separate bases to make first contact. Suzanne of Planned Parenthood, Marlis and Paul of the Jehovah's Witnesses, Norm of Shell Oil and Stefan of Leave Indigenous Peoples Alone! contend with venomous serpents, fire ants and, finally, one another. Pandemonium ensues.
7. Two scientists working in their basement with surplus government equipment discover a simple path to fusion energy and limitless power. But the big oil conglomerates cause their basement sewers to back up and destroy the apparatus. Can the scientists recreate their device or will it be the same excuse of "Fusion is Twenty-Five Years Away."
Attn. Evil Editor;
Dawson Boggs is thrown into the fight of his life when the moon explodes, the girl he loves but who knows nothing of his affections, is kidnapped, his little sister vanishes, and his best friend is suspected to be behind both disappearances.
THE ATON PROJECT is a young adult science fiction novel that follows eighteen-year-old Dawson Boggs and his friends as they embark on a perilous journey when the moon suddenly explodes in the year 3011. Only 200 years prior, the world had agreed to divide itself into two no-contact hemispheres as a result of Word War III. [But they couldn't agree on whether those hemispheres should be east/west or north/south, so World War IV broke out.] Since all of Dawson’s and his friend’s [friends'] parents have been killed or disappeared, the four teens have been left to fend for themselves and must try and stop the adversary eastern government from taking their homeland in the western hemisphere. The teens must figure out on their own the reason for the mysterious lunar explosion to prove their hemisphere’s innocence in its explosion. [I don't see why an 18-year-old and his friends have responsibility for figuring out why the moon exploded. There's gotta be someone more qualified to look into it. And why is it up to these four teens to take on the entire eastern hemisphere? How many people were left on Earth after WWIII? 75?] In the process, they discover exactly what the consequences will be to the future of everyone on Earth if they fail. [Those are the stakes. What happens to everyone on Earth if they fail? If you tell us that we'll probably be more worried.]
Dawson realizes his father, a key member in the western government’s highly classified intelligence sector, has information on the cause for [of] the explosion but is killed before releasing the secrets. When Dawson receives a pre-programmed message from his deceased father, requesting he retrieve a safety deposit box that contains a journal with the secrets to the explosion. Dawson and his friends immediately set out and discover it is essential to their lives to find a man named Dr. Grendell. [Find out from the journal? How do they find out?] To their surprise, it appears that the rival eastern government is trying to find the same man and will stop at nothing to find him, even if it means kidnapping innocent teens upon hearing them merely say Dr. Grendell’s name. [In fact, thousands of English majors are kidnapped just for discussing Beowulf.]
When Dawson loses his family, two best friends, country, and self-confidence, he must learn to find the determination within himself to carry on and rescue his friends. From there, he must recover Dr. Grendell’s electronic files from the nearly destroyed moon [Nearly destroyed? The moon exploded. You had me thinking it was millions of rocks and a lot of dust. What makes them think there are salvageable files?] that will provide life or death for everyone else on Earth. ["Provide" is a lousy choice of words there. Instead of "that will provide life or death" try "that could save the lives of."]
The manuscript is complete at 90,000 words and available at your request. Thank you for your consideration.
Lose the sister and the girlfriend and the suspected best friend. They're just clutter.
Apparently, even before Dawson realizes his father was in on the moon explosion and before Dawson receives the safe deposit box key, the Earth's survival is in the hands of Dawson. There's got to be a reason Dawson has this responsibility. Who is he?
Concentrate on what Dawson has to do to prevent the end of humanity and who wants him to fail.
How do they know where to find the safe deposit box or Grendell?
Who suspects Dawson's best friend of being behind the kidnapping/disappearance? Is the best friend one of the four teens on whom the world is depending?
Has the moon's explosion had any effects on the Earth? I would assume there'd be massive tidal and gravitational consequences.