Tuesday, June 03, 2008

New Beginning 509

“Can you drive a stick?”

“Sure!” Alison said.

“Get in then. You’re driving,” he said, tossing the keys.

Allison was good on the shift but hard on the clutch. Jets really didn’t care because he knew he would be having sex soon and he could replace the clutch. He wasn’t thinking so much as he was feeling. He stroked her pert nipples with one hand while his other hand shifted the Pontiac into 3rd gear.

“Guess where I’m kidnapping you to?” Ally teased.

“Um, your cabin in the woods?” Jets asked hopefully.

“Nah, that would take too lonnnggg. How ’bout that little Sugar Shack on the beach?” she asked with a quick glance at him and the rearview mirror, while her hands were busy moving from steering wheel to stick shift to Jets’ hands and various other body parts and back to the wheel.

Jets was having a little bit of trouble with her zipper, so Allison’s hands dipped and gently pushed the brass button through its little slit for him. His hands slid beneath the silkiness of her panties. “Ah – Shack? Good!”

"Does this mean you'll be giving me an A?" Alison asked him as the car scraped against a restraining wall. All her friends had said Jets was the creepiest driver training instructor at the school, but Alison felt really connected to him.

"Right now you're up to a B," Jets replied. "I still have to see if you know how to properly yield."

Opening: ME.....Continuation: Chris Eldin/EE


Evil Editor said...

The tyres rumbled as the wheels crossed the center-line.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" Marge leaned forward and tapped Alison on the shoulder. "Alison, let the man drive before you kill us all! And I think the airport is that way. And sir, I do hope you're not expecting a tip!"


* * *

The new Pontiac Thrust. Because there is no substitute.


Evil Editor said...

Never a good sign when the main character's name is spelled differently the first two times it appears.

Why is he shifting if she's driving? I would expect some communication about this, even if it's just a look, as it requires cooperation between the shifter and the "clutcher."

Bonnie said...

Besides the shifting question, there's also the mirror problem.

If he's next to her and all over her, how does she see him beside her and the rearview mirror above at the same time? And "in" the rearview mirror would only work if he's in the back seat.

But despite all the problems, there's something about this that I like. The breezy voice, maybe. I have this feeling that Jets is heading for a lot of trouble.

Dave Fragments said...

A fellow who once worked for me, said: "You know how when you reach orgasm, you have to close your eyes. Well, that's a problem on the highway." Apparently his girlfriend was... Well, you get the idea. My eyes popped out of my head like a cartoon character at the thought of doing it at 65 mph. He got the reaction he wanted. As far as I know, he hasn't died in a car accident but then, I haven't seen him in years.

I can't figure out who's doing what or why they are doing it. The story wants to use the imagery of sex, I'll suggest reading ee cummings' "She Being Brand" which is available on the internet.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering what Allison and Alison were doing together. They aren't on speaking terms.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Nice style. Breezy is a good word for it.

There are a few logic issues here. Some already mentioned. I had a problem with the zipper / button / hands part. If he's having trouble with the zipper and she's driving a stick, then how is it she uses both hands? And then she opens a button and not the zipper?

Cleaned up, I'd read on.

Stacy said...

I got the impression that she glances at him and then the rearview mirror. Like she's checking her lipstick real quick.

But I don't get how he's able to stroke her nipples while she's driving and he's sitting beside her. It seems to me she would have to be turned toward him. And he's shifting, no less. It seems to me if he wants to do the job right, he would use both hands (not for shifting). And if she's good on the shift, why is he shifting at all? Does he want her to concentrate on the clutch after all?

I feel like there's too much explanation of movement here, which is actually causing confusion instead of illuminating anything.

Whirlochre said...

It's nippy but not entirely grippy.

Like the characterisation but don't like the fuss — esp the detail after the Sugar Shack question.

However — I'd stick around for more of the panties and also to find out what happens when they get out of the car.

Anonymous said...

Hi! Author here. Thank you very much for the comments and suggestions. Sorry about the typo. I'm thinking one "l" will be enough. This is a chapter opening but I definitely need to unconfuse (or delete entirely!)the busy-ness of the hands. I'm still working on getting the dialogue and descriptions both going at the right pace, so I'm finding the comments very helpful. Thanks again.

Also loved that continuation!!