Thursday, November 08, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. When Harold Waterman finds three corpses in his garden, it's only the beginning. Before the day is over he'll have crossed the line from living to dead and into a demon-inhabited world whose fate hinges on the actions of a taxi driver.
2. Before it's In this sequel to the enduring Flatland, the gentleman square tries his hand at amateur detecting when a line segment is found dead on the plane. A cast of one- and two-dimensional characters "round out" this terrifying tale of the geometric killer. Also, a rhombus.
3. Trudy was on track for a promotion to full-time lineman with Campbell Power and Light, until she crossed the black and the red and shorted out half of Tuscaloosa. Handsome George has offered to take the blame for the Dead Line, but is there a catch? Can Trudy save her job and learn to trust a guy who's a few watts short of an ampere?
4. On a dare, Ted crossed the line, but now he's dead and an army of zombies is determined to make him their newest recruit. Can Bella LaBod rescue her lover from a fate worse than death? And will she be able to come back to the land of the living after she's ventured beyond the . . . Dead Line?
5. Three dead bodies, all found along a single line of longitude was weird enough. Eight is a pattern. Detective Shorty Reynolds needs to find The Meridian Killer before the line of the dead stretches from one end of the globe to the other.
6. A rare X Class solar flare wipes out the communications satellite that Eliza us using to plan her coming out party. With her cell phone dead and no text messaging, will her guests be left with pot luck meatloaf and garlicky spinach dip from the supermarket for snacks? The fate of the known world is at stake.
Dear Mr Evil
When Harold Waterman found three corpses in his garden he didn’t think his day could get any worse, that was until he was assassinated in his pyjamas and learned there are more terrifying places to go than Heaven and Hell. [Heaven isn't all that terrifying, except for the part where if you fall off a cloud you plummet into hell.] It’s lucky for him that his best friend is a demon who can pull some strings, if he can only stop being so sarcastic to God.
[God: I banish you to the fiery depths of hell.
Sarcastic demon: Ooo, I'm soooo scared. I really deserve it, I'm the worst demon ever. At least you didn't banish me to the place more terrifying than heaven or hell.]
Dead Line, complete at 120,000 words is an urban fantasy set in the moden day [modern-day] fictional town of Laverstone. In a lighthearted style, it explores a tale of murder, betrayal and redemption where demons are bad only during works time [Not clear.] and tha fate of the world can hinge on tha [One misspelling of "the" is a typo; twice in nine words is a pattern, and I begin to wonder what tha hell's going on.] actions of a taxi driver.
Several of my stories have been published, most notably "The Werewolves of Westminster" [Never heard of it. Oh, wait, you mean "Tha Werewolves of Westminster," right?] by Torquere Press last year. My first novel "An Ungodly Child" won the regional heat of "Undiscovered Authors" and is due to be published in April 2008. The opening chapter of this can be read through a link on my website, below.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
The part where you tell us what happens in your book is two sentences. And I'm not sure the corpses in the garden have much to do with your story. Guy dies, goes somewhere more terrifying than heaven, and might get out with help from his demonic friend. We need more information. Who is Harold Waterman? Who are the corpses? Is the demon his best friend before he dies, or does he meet the demon in the place more terrifying than hell?
Corpses, assassination, hell, demons, murder, betrayal and redemption . . . told in a lighthearted style? I usually think of urban fantasy as more edgy than lighthearted, and I'm not sure why this one should be lighthearted. Maybe when you expand the query you should focus on the lighter aspects of the plot.
A comma isn't right in the first sentence. A possible fix would be to make the comma a dash and delete "that was." Or make it two sentences.