Saturday, November 08, 2008

Extremely Short Story 2

"As she fell to Earth, Lilith took the form of an animal likely to aid in her quest to steal human children; when she landed with a thud in his front yard, just beneath his window, she was a sleek and well-groomed Golden Retriever – a bitch in every sense of the word. The young boy, startled by the sound, lay down his copy of Old Yeller and peered through the window. He had prayed, each and every night of the past year, for God to send him a dog; as he stared, mouth agape, at the canine squatting on his front lawn, he truly believed his prayers had been answered. He ran down the stairs and out the front door, calling, 'Here, doggie-dog.'"

Cami huddled under the covers and asked, "What happened then, Mommy?"

"She growled like a dog and paced around the young man, swiping at him with her clawed hands. But she couldn’t touch him because God guarded him. All night he prayed."

One blot was left on the lawn--right under his window.

"What happens next?" Cami asked from the darkness.



Evil Editor said...

The last sentence suggests that someone is telling Cami a story, which makes it hard to see why the previous sentence has no quotation marks around it. Apparently it's not part of the story, and has some significance to those who've read the whole thing.

writtenwyrdd said...

Hilarious. The last sentence doesn't seem like an ending to me, seeing as it's a leading question.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Nice new beginning. Not sure what really comes before this. Maybe it works that this is an ending. Or is this a chapter ending?

Anonymous said...

I like this new feature. It kinda reminds me of a writerly type of "Jeopardy" where you are given the (answer) ending and must provide the (question) beginning.

I was a bit confused as to how this could be an ending and also by the quote marks, as Evil mentioned. As a matter of fact, Thank You, EE, for the masterful edit -- adding quote marks to my entire piece and the pivotal addition of the "Cami huddled" sentence.

I Hope other minions will give this new feature a try!!!


Ellie said...

I am dying to read Batgirl's story now.

batgirl said...

EE, did you want an ending that made sense? Yikes. Guess I shouldn't have sent in my lit-fic story ending.

If it helps, the MC is telling a (fairytale) story out the window, to satisfy and send away the damaged people who've lost their stories. Cami, a child-soldier and childhood friend of the MC, is standing outside there and is actually the blot of darkness (whoo, symbolic!). The question signifies that Cami finds the courage to care what happens next, after terrible experiences.
Yeah, it's pretentious and depressing, but it's litfic.

The intro makes it a whole 'nother kind of horror - great premise!

Evil Editor said...

EE, did you want an ending that made sense?

What I want for the ending is the exact wording of your last five sentences. What I want from the opening is something that works with that ending to create a story, preferably not a story that's in any way like the actual story. (If we wanted something like the actual story, we'd just have the ending author send us ten sentences.) We want opening writers to face the challenge of making your ending sound like it was meant to complete their opening i.e. making your romance ending sound like it belongs on a horror beginning or vice versa.