Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Extremely Short Story 8

The cat started it by leaving a hairball in Rory's boots everyday for a week which of course meant Rory had to retaliate by casting a spell that removed all the mice on the Montelimar Estate.

The cat re-retaliated by gathering four score fellow cats to ralph in front of the main gate which created a stink like no other and scared the peasants because no one knew that cats could be herded.

Rory threw a screaming hissy fit, and when the cats didn't disperse, he waded out into them in full armor ready for battle.

That was when he heard a stream of rather profane and vulgar cursing behind him. Surely the cats weren't capable of summoning a Mage Troll?


Rory couldn't make out the words exactly, but he figured they were some sort of incantation — paralysis or a lightning strike or something. Maybe it was time to make a run for it after all. Even in full battle gear, he was no match for a Mage Troll, so he turned on his heels and scarpered, speeding off through the gate to the Montelimar estate like a cheetah being poked on every spot with a cattle prod; stumbling, slipping, tripping and shouting, 'Argghhhh, Knobber! Waaarggghhhhh!'

The prospects were getting worse all the time for that half a cat...


--Dave F./Whirlochre

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love it, all of it.

Great first sentence.

Would have loved it even more if that first sentence had ended after week:

"The cat started it by leaving a hairball in Rory's boots everyday for a week."

What a kick ass image. With the emphasis on the CAT starting something. Perfect.


Some of this writing (like EE's prelude to Saw/Hostel) is just about brilliant enough to make a girl fall hard. So use your gifts wisely boys.

"anonymous"

Dave F. said...

This is a long sentence -- Even in full battle gear, he was no match for a Mage Troll, so he turned on his heels and scarpered, speeding off through the gate to the Montelimar estate like a cheetah being poked on every spot with a cattle prod; stumbling, slipping, tripping and shouting, 'Argghhhh, Knobber! Waaarggghhhhh!'

Too long for my tastes.

It inspired me to contrive long, long sentences. I also resisted the temptation to bisect a cat. I thought that might be just a teeny bit harsh. I also thought about a feline animal sacrifice where you leave the good half on the sacrificial altar and Rory leaves the lesser part. But that too, seemed a bit too bloody. Besides, the cat lovers get all bent out of shape when you sacrifice kitties to the local deity.

PS, is scarpered a word? It sounds like tintinnabulation and slithy. He scampered over the escarpment - scarpered... sounds OK to my ear.

Whirlochre said...

I guess we're the long and short of it, Dave. You amused me muchly with this one.

'Scarper' is a word for running away, though I always think it's at the opposite end of the fear/comedy spectrum to 'flee'. Teenage boys caught peeping on a screwing couple by the couple themselves would subsequently 'scarper'. It's a Laurel & Hardy style word.

writtenwyrdd said...

Amazing how both sections meshed together.

talpianna said...

Each of you is more clever than the other!

freddie said...

Well done, Dave!