Thursday, November 13, 2008

Extremely Short Story 10

None of them had ever seen anything like it: the new Vista Operating System for Windows.

"Apparently," said Shello, "we have to go through a portal just to register now."

"This is why I called you for help," said Abrin to Khirsha.

"I've heard of this," Khirsha sighed, "but from what I understand, it isn't all that painful; besides, if you want King Gates's technical support, you must be willing to do this." She stood, thinking for a moment.

“I will go through the portal,” said Khirsha.

“Then this council is over,” said Abrin. “Shello, take Khirsha and anything you need to the training fields. Arlae, you will monitor the Window while Khirsha is in the other world. May the King guide our steps.”



Anonymous said...


batgirl said...

Other people are probably going to say this, but while I usually like open-ended endings, this one seems more like 'tune in next week', with the only resolved issue being Khirsha's decision.
Considered as complete here, the mesh is nearly seamless, not to mention dead funny.

Dave F. said...

I stared at this for a long time and didn't get any idea of how it opened. A VISTA portal is funny.

sylvia said...


Whirlochre said...

As a dedicated avoider of Vista, I appreciated this.

BBJD said...

Freddie, I love it.

I guess I've been writing the wrong story.


ChrisEldin said...

AHAHAHAH! LOVE the beginning!

ChrisEldin said...

EE suggested we provide some useful feedback...
The writing is nice, but it doesn't feel like it has proper closure for an ending. Mentioning that someone will monitor the Window suggests that something's going to happen to the Window.

freddie said...

I'm wondering if this is a 'cliffhanger' ending. Is this the ending to the book or a chapter ending? I think I would need to know that before I can comment. I think the writing is pretty good, though.

BBJD said...

"Mentioning that someone will monitor the Window suggests that something's going to happen to the Window."

On the other side, actually. This novel was about treason: who was committing it, and why. That has been resolved. Unfortunately, the final act of one of the traitors was to lead Khirsha's cousin, and three others, through the Window where the cousin has killed the traitor. The four are now trapped in the other world.

Book Two is about a dangerous, and perhaps futile, rescue effort. The reasons Khirsha is being asked to go, and why it is dangerous, are given just prior to these final sentences.

Since the two novels occur in sequence I was hoping to link them, like puzzle pieces, to create a large picture from a series of small pictures. But unlike puzzle pieces, each small story is a complete story in itself, and could be read independent of the others.

I don't believe any story really ends. Every story I have ever read (and liked) I want to know what happens next. In many cases I actually want to know what happened before. Cinderella living happily ever after is a bunch of crap. There are always ramifications, even when the heros/heroines get what they want, and those ramifications are new stories. Life goes on, and it's always interesting, even if it isn't always fun. That's certainly been true for me anyway.

That being said, two of you have made virtually the same comment. That means I am failing to correctly accomplish my goal. I suppose it doesn't matter, though. I have to chop 100,000 words from both novels, and after four weeks I've managed to reduce the first novel by about 200 words. At this rate, I'll need another thirty-five years to finish.

I still think Freddie's beginning was absolutely wonderful.


freddie said...

Thanks, bbjd!