Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Guess the Plot
Rise of the Vorare
1. Building an orphanage on an island in the middle of the Vorare River seemed like a good idea--until the rains came. Now the bridge is out, the water's rising, and 400 kids will drown if Captain Stu Marshall can't navigate his nuclear submarine upriver.
2. The last dragon, sets off on a quest to learn why the other dragons disappeared. Along the way, she is besieged by armies of unnatural creatures and sentenced to death by the Vorare. Can one dragon prevent the Vorare from enslaving and eradicating the human race?
3. In 79 AD a wizard defeated the Vorare, a breed of unkillable vampires, by causing Mount Vesuvius to erupt and bury them alive. When volcanologist Duncan Fisk accidentally frees them, can he stop them before they subjugate all humanity?
4. When the creature emerged from the spaceship in his backyard, Dan Grossman knew he probably shouldn't grill and eat it. But it was delicious. Now, unfortunately, all the anti-nausea medicine in the world won't prevent the . . . Rise of the Vorare.
5. The tribes of Gorbrafor have suffered under the yoke of their conquerors for three generations. But an ancient prophecy is being fulfilled, promising the rise of the Vorare, an ancient apocalyptic clan of priestess-warriors.
6. As Mary Witherspoon putters around her garden in Puddleton on Anglesea, she’s not even remotely prepared for the forces of evil soon to be unleashed from their ancient hilltop barrow (the one she’s squatting on top of, in her new flower beds). Will Mary survive the . . . Rise of the Vorare?
Attn. Evil Editor:
Already formidable at barely a day old, the dragon Caerulea is the only hope for the world of Coelithia. Malus, the most powerful sorcerer ever to live, is ruthlessly enslaving or eradicating all who oppose his rule. [And pretty much everyone opposes his rule--especially the ruthlessly enslaving and eradicating parts.] Caerulea sets off with only her innate magic, teamwork, and determination to discover why the dragons have vanished and ultimately find a way to defeat the sadistic Vorare Malus. My 95,000-word science-fiction/fantasy novel entitled Rise of the Vorare will appeal to fans of JK Rowling and Christopher Paolini.
Caerulea’s hatching sends out a vast magical disturbance, alerting both friend and foe to her existence. She is pursued by the enormous insect-like Steraspis within minutes of her lonely, confused birth, teaches herself to fly, and comes face-to-face with a mysterious woman more comfortable beneath deep, unfathomable waters than above. [Unnecessary to tell us everything that happens in the book.] Soon she learns that all dragons disappeared many years ago, but whether by annihilation or flight is still widely disputed. [Scholars will argue about anything.] Her journey begins in the company of people from three diverse races: Durand of the Acui, a magical forest people; Dulce, of a magical amphibious race called the Gencalida, and Waring, [a blender.] an Aliquantu, the inventive, clever people who rely upon mechanical ingenuity rather than magic.
[Caerulea: We need to get across these raging rapids. I could fly us across.
Dulce: I can instantaneously get us across with magic.
Durand: So can I.
Waring: With 80 yards of rope, a pulley system, a catapult, a hammer, a bellows, and a winch I can rig up a contraption in three days that'll get us across.
Dulce: Tell me again why we brought MacGyver along?]
Caerulea finds herself immediately set upon by henchmen of the Vorare Malus, constantly forced to battle or flee as she and her companions strive toward the promised haven of safety. [In two paragraphs you've hit us with Vorare, Caerulea, Steraspis, Acui, Gencalida, Aliquantu, and Coelithia. Not to mention Paolini. Think I'll peek at the next query; maybe it's about Bob.]
Before she can face the sorcerer responsible for so much death and destruction, she must survive long enough to learn to use her innate magic without the assistance of her own kind, as well as deal with prejudice [It's so unfair to be prejudiced against dragons just because they occasionally swoop down and burn people alive.] and political factions immersed in their own intrigues. No sooner does she arrive in the protected city of Interius [from the unprotected city of Exterius] than she and the allie nations are called to the aid of the doomed Acui nation, sentenced to death by the Vorare and besieged by armies of unnatural creatures in their very last refuge. Though the battle goes against him, Malus has no intention of ceding defeat. He sets off to where the dragons still exist, secretly imprisoned, their magic systematically stolen; but this time he intends not to take a small portion, but every bit of their elemental magic, killing the dragons in the process. [That plan will never succeed; but then, no one ever accused Malus of forethought.]
May I send you the first 25,000 words [25,000? That's a hundred pages. If I had to read a hundred pages of everything to decide if I was interested, the slush pile would reach from here to Coelithia.] of the manuscript? I have been writing fiction since grade school, and have won awards for poetry and short fiction in high school where I excelled in literature and creative writing. I am impressed with your accomplishments in editing, [in fact, I'm certain some of my favorite books were crap before you salvaged them,] and believe I would be a valuable addition to your client list. [Evil Editor was considering switching from query letters to synopses, but then who would be around to beg authors to delete their credits?]
Thank you for your valuable time and consideration.
Too much information. The last dragon hatches and sets out to learn why she's the last dragon. She discovers that the evil Vorare wizard Malus has captured the dragons and is using their magic to ruin everything for everyone. Can she save the dragons and defeat Malus? That's your plot. Expand on it with specificity, enough to get it up to ten sentences, max.
Please, oh please, I beg you, get rid of the credits paragraph.