Saturday, September 01, 2007

Writing Exercise Results

The task was to come up with amusing publishing-related concepts that have no dictionary representation, and provide it.

Biblioenvy - A jealousy disorder that strikes unpublished writers when other unpublished writers score a book deal--whoever

Brain-dud - the state of not realizing the cleverest scene in your novel actually means nothing--Dave

Countarrhea - A condition that causes the writer to uncontrollably spew words onto the page, resulting in excessive word count; usually accompanied by . . .

Countstipation - the inability to trim said word count--whoever

Dimquery - the act of sending a perfectly written query letter in an envelope addressed to the wrong person--Smidly

Disputatious Scribbler - a writer who argues with criticism--Dave

Evimageditor - one who turns a sloppy hack into a world renowned laureate of the written word through ridicule and instructive laughter--Smidly

Hooker - opening line of a query soliciting an agent--Church Lady

Hot-bloggtic - being very well-received on all writer blogs and yet unable to wow an editor/agent in real life--Smidly

Insuffishink - The inevitable condition of a printer that's been told to print your entire novel, such that when you return to the room, all but four pages are too light, and must be reprinted--EE

Masqueriade - a query pretending to represent a good manuscript--Church Lady

Mass Market - book marketing relying mostly on prayer--Bill Highsmith

Mystake - the fatal flaw in a mystery's "perfect crime"--Bill Highsmith

Nillage - the prospects for getting an agent--Bill Highsmith

No-one de plume - a literary nobody--Bill Highsmith

OCD Submitter - an author who dusts the returned pages of his manuscript for fingerprints to determine how far the editor actually read--EE

Paleo-Lingo - overuse of archaic words and phrases--Dave

Picky-wiki-poo-poo-ka-ka - an overambitious critique that covers every word, phrase, sentence and paragraph and in its detail becomes useless to the author--Dave

Plotstic explosives - holes in a plot, usually found by wormy little readers with no life--Bill Highsmith

Powawoogie-Sepharownsis-Alienitis Syndrome - using weird, strange, long, and unpronounceable alien names in science fiction--Dave

Prolongue - a novella-length prologue--Bill Highsmith

Pubic Library - adult lit section of a bookstore--Bill Highsmith

Queranality - retyping your query six times, each time making one inconsequential change, in the fear that the recipient is as hard-nosed as you are anal--EE

Querialization - the act of sending out a batch of queries where only the names and addresses of the recipients is changed--Smidly

Querivelocity - the speed with which a plotless and crappy query sails from an editor's/agent's hands into the trashcan--Robin S.

Reampuff - running out of printer paper two pages before your requested manuscript finishes printing--Smidly

Shitique - Taking a dump on someone else's writing because you can--anonymous

Sintax - really bad syntax--Bill Highsmith

Smeerpatania - the sequel to Miss Snark's best-selling novel Rabbitania--Church Lady

Snarkilism - the ability to entertain, correct, and destroy an aspiring writer in five words or less--Smidly

Snubplot - a bad book review--Bill Highsmith

Sploogiferous-Scenarificus - a love scene that wanders into the realm of pornography with its exuberant descriptions of the sex act--Dave

St. Vitis Manuscript Syndrome - the inability to do without a weekly email from an agent--Dave

Stubplot - a barely detectable storyline--Bill Highsmith

Submission Guy Lines - Elaborate rules surrounding the process of becoming published, which, like the ones outside a tent, you know are there, but you trip over them anyway--ME

Sudoquerious - Unable to resist playing online Sudoku when you haven't looked at the slush pile in eight months--EE

Synapsis - Jangled nerves, often caused by the realization that the synopsis you sent off sucks--EE

Synopshit - a summary of your latest novel--Church Lady

Title-Tattle - book title that gives away the plot--Bill Highsmith

Typesmead - the ability to think faster than your fingers can type--Smidly

Unpubbedelusion - the firm belief of unpublished writers that their own first novel is better than any of the published dreck on the shelves--whoever

WordPrefect - a snotty-nosed editor--Bill Highsmith

Xenoblarney - made-up alien words, esp. in SF--Bill Highsmith

Youphony - an agreeable-sounding but deceptive character--Bill Highsmith


phoenix said...

Hehe. These are great. Have to go with
* Countarrhea
* Countstipation
* Querivelocity
* Submission Guy Lines
as my faves this time around.

Sudoquerious certainly explains a lot...

And there's another funny minion coming out of lurkdom: Hi Smidly! *wave*

Church Lady said...

These all made me laugh out loud!
Brain-dud was great! So was querivelocity. And all of Bill's...and, and, and!!


Dave said...

I like them, I like them. All of them.

Bill H. gets the Hershey Chocolate Award for being King of the M&N's

GutterBall said...

I think I'll add "xenoblarney" to my lexicon. It has a feel to it.

Robin S. said...

These are great. EE has a nice pseudo-dictionary going now. Will these be in the next book? Hope so.

Hi Smidly and Bill - Are you all ever gonna "make up a name for yourselves" and comment, or do you do this already? I love your work, anyway.

ME said...

Some are oh-so-witty and some are oh-so-true, but all of them are very good. Add my vote for these being a part of EE's next tome.

pacatrue said...

I'm a big fan of no-one-de-plume and prolongue. Bill must have had Robert Jordan in mind for the second.

~Nancy said...

Oh, such fun stuff - and I really need some humor in my life these days.