Friday, September 22, 2006

Face-Lift 195


Guess the Plot

My Big Sucky Undead High School Reunion

1. Carrie White discusses her failures as a teenager and why she was the only one to show up at her tenth high school reunion.

2. In this sequel to The Best Damn High School Reunion, Period, the chess team comes back five years later as vampires to suck the blood from the cheerleaders . . . and the life from the party.

3. It's only Toula Portokalos's five-year reunion, but her classmates seem much paler and less fun than she remembers.

4. Molly the vampire is desperate to go to her 20th high school reunion. If nothing else, she figures she'll be a shoo-in for "Youngest Looking."

5. When Jackie Hatcher arrived at her high school reunion, she expected the usual bad dye jobs, saggy breasts and pot bellies. Green skin and lurching weren’t in the picture, and now she feels kind of awkward telling people to get a life.

6. Teen vampire Debbie Noogle explains her difficulties getting a date, getting a drink and getting a publisher.


Original Version

Dear EE,

I noticed on your hypothetical website that you're interested in paranormal chick lit, and I would like to submit my 85K novel, [Are you saying the letter "K" appears in your novel 85 times?] MY BIG SUCKY UNDEAD HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, for your consideration. [Could this be our long-awaited zombie book?]

Molly the vampire [It's always vampires. If I want a zombie novel, I'm gonna have to write it myself.] is desperate to go to her 20th year high school reunion, figuring she'll be a shoe-in for "Youngest Looking", if nothing else. She made a blood pact with her high school buddies, and as a vamp she takes blood pacts seriously. So she defies the ruling of the vampire Board [Corporations have boards; Vampires have councils.] that all of the transformed abandon their previous lives and takes off forAlabama. Her biggest critic, vamp security officer Victor James, is sent from New York to drag her back to where she belongs--Incognitoville, like the rest of their long-lived kind. [Doesn't have the same ring to it as Transylvania.]

However, not everyone on the Board wants to see Victor, a candidate for the vampire presidency, return alive--yes, vampires are alive, just infected. [Based on the title of the book, vampires are undead. Is that alive?] And one of Molly's former classmates has some massive revenge fantasies to fulfill that involve Molly, and since high school he's developed the ability to fulfill them. [Make a connection between those sentences.] [And what do you mean he's developed the ability?]

I'm an active member of RWA, have a Master's Degree in Creative Writing, and published short fiction with (list of publications with small press, royalty paying publishers). I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear EE,

I noticed on your hypothetical website that you're interested in paranormal chick lit, and I would like to submit my 85,000-word novel, MY BIG SUCKY UNDEAD HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, for your consideration.

Molly the vampire is desperate to go to her class's 20th high school reunion. Hey, if nothing else she should be a shoo-in for "Youngest Looking." She made a blood pact with her high school buddies--they would all make it to the 20th reunion--and as a vamp she takes blood pacts seriously. So she defies the vampire law requiring the transformed to abandon their previous lives, and heads for her old school in Alabama.

Complications arise as soon as Molly arrives. One of Molly's former classmates wants to fulfill some massive revenge fantasies involving Molly--and since high school, he's developed the ability to fulfill them, having become the leader of an army of zombies. Vamp security officer Victor James has been sent from New York to drag Molly back to where she belongs--Incognitoville, like the rest of their long-lived kind. And adding to the confusion, someone on the Vampire Council doesn't want Victor, a candidate for the vampire presidency, coming back undead.

If you'd like to read more about Molly, the manuscript is complete and available. I'm an active member of RWA, have a Master's Degree in Creative Writing, and have published short fiction with (list of publications with small press, royalty paying publishers). I look forward to your response. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Notes

Cute idea, funny title. Just a few points:

Why is Victor the biggest critic of little old Molly the vampire? It seems a candidate for the vampire presidency would have bigger fish to fry than Molly. You won't see Hillary Clinton or John McCain in Alabama with an election looming.

You call it chick lit, but the description could easily apply to mainstream comedy, or even young adult, assuming Molly was transformed while a young adult. Perhaps much of the book involves Molly's conversations with her old buddies, and perhaps you'd want to mention this, or something, to clarify what makes it chick lit.

6 comments:

Chumplet said...

It's SHOO-IN, not shoe-in! Ya know, shoo, fly - not shoe fly for cripe's sake. What's he doing, stompin' on the damn thing?

Undercover said...

Change the phrase 'Molly the vampire' to 'Molly, a vampire,'. It won't sound so YA-ish.

Dave said...

Considering the success of Buffy, Charmed, Angel, and those teen supernatural vampire and witch stories, this might be a marketable success.
I like the play on My Big Fat Greek Wedding; it's just the kind of naughtiness that would appeal to a younger audience.
As for reasonable plots, well, it only has to be internally consistent. IMHO
And if this is aimed at a teen audience, then fill the story with teen angst, dating crises, emotional strife, and all that stuff (Gag me with a spoon) that teens like.

Undercover said...

I don't believe many teens would be interested in reading about a 30-something MC. As the author said, it's chick lit.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing that Molly the vampire has amnesia, has alzheimer's, is on trial, or is dead.

kis said...

Yeah, chumplet, I hate when they make that mistake, too. Sometimes, just for fun, I read my newspaper and write down the appalling number of misused words and skewed analogies. Makes me feel cleansed, somehow.