Face-Lift 181

Guess the Plot

The Gods of Lesser Things

1. Smerach, God of Paintchips, has lost the Holy Flame, and unless he gets it back by nightfall he will be stripped of his powers. Helping him are Ula, Goddess of The Random Bits of Plastic You Find in the Junk Drawer, and Farelious, God of Smut.

2. The old gods are no longer hot, so they try to hasten the end of the world. But they didn't count on Bruce, who has the ability to rewind time.

3. The gods of carpet stains, broken chalk, and hangnails have tormented mankind long enough. Bob resolves to destroy them all, before the Earth implodes.

4. Diarrhea and Eczema watched as Aphrodite floated down for another hot encounter with a mortal. Eczema was itching to get her hands on a mortal for some fun and games. "Gotta run," 'Rhea said.

5. Whhir, the god of eggbeaters, is trying to organize his fellow deities into the Amalgamated Brotherhood of the Gods of Lesser Things and strike for better burnt offerings and a new temple. But will Whhir's ex, the goddess of mostly healed wounds, allow it?

6. Moistmorn, god of dew, agrees to take Saturday off so Bob's new golf shoes won't get wet. In return, Bob agrees to spend eternity in Hades.


Original Version

Dear AGENT NAME:

I am seeking representation for The Gods of Lesser Things, a completed modern fantasy novel of about 100,000 words, told in the close-third point of view.

Bruce--a software engineer and general slacker--leads an ordinary life in a small southern city. He stops by the coffee shop on the way to work, he waits for Friday and dreams of unattainable women. He's like you and me, [No, he's like you. Me, I stop by the chiropractor on the way to work, I hate Fridays because that's the day the carpenter comes by to sand off my foot calluses, and let's face it, when you're Evil Editor, is any woman unattainable?] only with one difference - Bruce has the ability to rewind time. [Most interesting. Do people walk backward during this? How does he use this power? I feel certain you're going to tell me all about this remarkable ability.]

The old gods continue to vie with one another through their distant mortal children. [Not clear what that means; drop it.] Some seek to hasten the coming end of the world, some to delay it. Led by Bernard, a mysterious and powerful figure, Bruce, Michael (a schizophrenic time-traveler), and his compatriots [Should that be "their" compatriots? Or are they just Michael's compatriots?] fight the small battles that will help save the world from Ragnarok, the end of days.

Struggling against the dark and enigmatic Loge, [god of balcony seating, and] leader of a group known only as the Others, Bruce learns that god (and godhood) is in the details, [What does that mean?] discovers a new meaning of friendship, [What does that mean?] and summons up a courage he didn't know he had to face his greatest fears.

INSERT REASON FOR CHOOSING AGENT.

[Choose from among:

1. I found you on a list of 300 agents and decided to query all of you.
2. You handle Stephen King and John Grisham, so I figure you can make me millions.
3. You take email queries, and I'm so out of shape from sitting in front of the computer all day, I'd probably have a heart attack if I had to walk to the mailbox.
4. You handle regency romance, epic fantasy, and cookbooks, and my book combines all three.
5. I saw your photo on your website, and I'm into sexy redheads.]

Fans of Neil Gaiman, Kage Baker, and Charles de Lint might enjoy my mix of modern life and mythology. [Especially the hilarious scene where Bruce brings Thor to the synagogue, only to discover that that's not Thor, but Hogg, god of pork loins.]

I'm a graduate of the Odyssey Writing Workshop with stories published by Deep Magic and The Sword Review. I’ve been a technical writer and editor professionally for seventeen years.

If you are interested, I will gladly send you either the first three chapters of this story, or the complete manuscript. Thank you in advance for your kind consideration of this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,


Notes

I think it would be more effective to stick with Bruce and his time control and describe the small battles he fights. We don't need the names of all these characters or the cliché lessons learned.