Face-Lift 1519

Guess the Plot

Everything You Wanted

1. Genie finds a tattered old paperback in the library book sale. It has the answers to her tests at school, personal info on the guy she likes, and information that could let her rule the world. She uses it to win two billion-dollar lotteries and then burns it.

2. An exhaustive list of all the traits Karlee's ex wanted that were entirely unrealistic or toxic, with detailed explanations of why.

3. Penelope Cruz. Julia Roberts. Jewel. Lois Griffin. Mia Hamm. Tom Cruise. 

4. Lola wants fame and fortune as the next big thing. Willow just wants Lola, but Lola's stuck with Leo DiCaprio, which would be fine if she were straight. Anyway, can any of them get everything they want? I mean besides Leo.

5. You know that story where there's a monkey paw that grants wishes, but the wishes always backfire? That's what happens in this story, except it's not fiction and the paw fell into the hands of some schmuck on Medicaid and food stamps who wished for Trump to win the election.

Original Version

Dear Agent,

My novel, Everything You Wanted, is an 87,000-word dual-POV LGBTQ+ contemporary novel set in the glittering chaos of early 2000s pop stardom. [No need to call it a novel twice, no need to call it contemporary when you provide the more specific "early 2000s, and the number of POVs isn't important to the agent at this time. ] It follows a rising singer and her secret girlfriend as they navigate ambition, heartbreak, and the high cost of visibility. With the yearning of Everything Leads to You and the fame-fueled ache of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, this is a story about performance, identity, and queer love in a world not ready for the truth. [If the only thing that first title has in common with yours is yearning, I'd just go with the second one. Also, putting the comp titles (if not the whole first paragraph) after the plot summary would allow you to hook the agent immediately with your riveting story.

With her dazzling smile, and voice that could break hearts, rising pop star Lola Blue is about to embark on her first tour. But beneath the glitter and charm, she’s more ambitious—and more ruthless—than anyone realizes. She’ll wear any mask and play any role if it means becoming the next big thing.

Willow has been in Lola’s shadow since they were kids—tall, and beautiful in that awkward sort of way—she has never felt worthy of Lola's attention. However, when Lola begs Willow to come on tour, as her co-writer and secret girlfriend, Willow cannot refuse. Desperate to escape her abusive father and small town, she will take any way out. [I would alter that paragraph to something like this:

WILLOW, Lola's friend since childhood, is desperate to escape her abusive father and small town,  so when Lola asks her to come on tour as her co-writer and secret girlfriend, Willow jumps at the opportunity. (She's also hoping this will bring her closer to Lola, whose attention she has always craved).]

[Your plot summary is longer than most agents, who have notoriously short attention spans, will tolerate, so I've suggested lines you can do without, even though there's nothing particularly wrong with them.]

It’s the early 2000s, and being openly queer could destroy Lola’s career before it even begins. When a reckless night threatens to expose their relationship [her secret], her manager demands damage control: a PR romance with Leo, an adored actor whose polished image is the perfect shield. [Is it Leo DiCaprio? If so, which of Leo's romantic interests is Lola? My money's on Lady Gaga.] 

As tabloids splash Lola and Leo across their pages, and the two women see less and less of each other, Willow [realizes] starts to question everything. Is their closeness real, or just another layer of performance? She feels herself slipping further into the shadows, haunted by the fear that Lola will never be ready to come out—that it will always be easier, safer, for her to be seen on the arm of a man.  The silence between them grows heavier, until Willow can't carry it anymore. She walks away.

A year later, Willow is out and thriving in New York, Her debut poetry collection, published and embraced, by her small but mighty queer community. Lola, meanwhile, is unraveling. Her sophomore album—a darker, raw reflection of the breakup—has taken off, but [and] no one in her circle cares that she’s barely holding herself together, as long as she keeps performing.
From the safety of her new life, Willow watches Lola’s downward spiral. She has a choice: reach out and risk being pulled back into that world—or let Lola self-destruct, finally washing her hands of it all.

I’m a Creative Writing and Psychology student at Emory University, drawing from my experiences growing up queer to tell emotionally resonant, character-driven stories. I’m an avid reader, a constant explorer of both the inner and outer worlds, and I would be thrilled to hear from you.

Notes

You declare that Lola is ruthless and will do anything in her pursuit of fame, but there's little evidence of that outside of her doing what her manager demands she do to avoid destroying her career. Does Willow ask her to risk her career?

If this were set in the 2020's, and Lola refused to come out, Willow could argue that coming out wouldn't affect Lola's career, backing her position with examples. Of course maybe Lola wouldn't refuse to come out in the 2020s, especially if coming out might advance her career. But as it is, Willow doesn't have much of an argument except to convince Lola to be the trailblazer who risks it all first. Or to give up her dream. Would Willow stay if Lola came out?