Guess the Plot
Blades of Bratva
1. Two 15-year-old boys competing in the World Figure Skating competition, must balance their training regimen against the fact that each of their fathers is co-head of the Russian Mafia.
2. The Immortal Beast of Bratva has been terrorizing the country for the past year. Can Alanic find the legendary Blades of Bratva to slay the beast before his home is destroyed next?
3. Sergei's knife shop in Novosibirsk is a front for his family's protection racket and a lucrative murder-for-hire business. But when he falls for Ekaterina, a circus knife thrower, will he give it all up?
4. The swords created by Bratva, the world-renowned blacksmith, have appeared in Hollywood productions from Spartacus to Gladiator. But now there's a new blacksmith underselling Bratva, and stealing his business. This means war, mano a mano, with swords at dawn.
5. When Bratva, Russia's Gillette, nears bankruptcy, due to Russian men all having beards, the CEO switches production from razor blades to straight razors, the weapon of choice for slitting the throats of people who criticize the government.
6. A poetry collection like Leaves of Grass, only this is about blades of grass, which makes more sense, as grass comes in blades and trees come in leaves. Includes 200 pages of illustrations, musings, and photos.
7. Russian mobsters have been fighting territorial battles in the streets of Moscow for ages, but with guns becoming harder to acquire, they've resorted to using only weapons of Roman gladiators. Finally, big guys like Grigor have an advantage again.
8. Jerome led the team of military brats in the Veterans' Association Junior Fencing League (aka Bratva) to victory in nationals, but when the international competition is caught in the path of an undead swordsmen mercenary unit can he rally the Italians and Japanese?
Original Version
Dear [Agent’s First Name, Last Name],
BLADES OF BRATVA (82,000 words) is a YA novel about generational trauma, brotherly bonds, and the world of ice skating. My book would appeal to catharsis-hungry readers of After Life by Gayle Forman, the raw introspection of You'd Be Home Now by Kathleen Glasgow, the search for identity in This Place is Still Beautiful by XiXi Tian, and, of course, those of us obsessed with the Winter Olympics. [Usually when I look for my next book to read, I'm not after catharsis, introspection, or identity. I just want entertainment . . . and, luckily for you, as much Winter Olympics as possible.] [Putting this information after the plot summary is best, especially in this case, where you have nothing else at the end of the plot summary.]
Fifteen-year-old ice skating cousins Sasha and Alexei are about to achieve their lifelong dream: winning gold in the Men’s Singles Division at the 2015 World Figure Skating Championship. [How can they both be about to achieve this lifelong dream? Only one can get the gold. The other is about to have his lifelong dream crushed. And neither can be sure of winning, so I'd just say their dream is competing in the World Championships.] [Research shows that the 2015 World Championships were held in Shanghai, and no one named Sasha or Alexei performed, which suggests to me that this is . . . fiction! Specifically, alternate history.]
Well, it’s Alexei’s dream to take home gold. Sasha’s dream is to die…and to take the ghost of his mother with him. [Is Sasha's dream to die in the competition?]
With Sasha having spent the year following his mother’s death in the incestuous claws of Alexei’s father, who dressed Sasha in her image, Sasha wants nothing more than to cut her out of his life forever. [Her? Or him? How old was he when this started? Why isn't it Alexei's father that Sasha want to cut out of his life forever?] It’s quite the task, considering she is one of Russia’s most beloved skating icons and he is essentially smearing her name on the ice. Skating her final program, wearing the dress she died in—he’s quickly earning his place on the public’s most wanted list. [So he's been doing this at every competition leading up to the World Championships?]
It’s not like Alexei’s life is any easier, of course. His own mother won’t look at him, and he doesn’t even know why. She should be grateful; he’s trying to bring home the gold for her, after all. He only hopes it’s enough to earn her love. [It sounds to me like Alexei's life is somewhat easier.]
Their cloying coaches/foster parents keep Sasha and Alexei out of trouble, but having family in the mafia also doesn’t hurt. Sasha and Alexei’s fathers are the respective heads of the Two-Headed Eagle, a sprawling mafia network knit across Russia’s largest cities.
The competition will be held in two days in their hometown of St. Petersburg, so the boys know they are safe to galavant as they please. [They should be practicing their quads, not galavanting.] Alexei’s father is far away in Moscow, unable to engage in his obsession with Sasha, but something has changed in St. Petersburg.
The leaders of the Eagle have swapped cities, and Alexei’s father is back in town.
Now, the boys must struggle to keep their friendship, their careers, and their lives intact…while still performing to win.
Notes
This is too long. It would seem shorter if there weren't so many skipped lines, which can be fixed by combining or eliminating paragraphs. There's no need to tell us Alexei's dad was away in Moscow, and now he's back. Just say he's in town. No need to tell us Sasha's dream is gold if it isn't, just tell us it's to die on the ice in front of a TV audience of millions.
Despite the title, I suspect anyone reading this will find the sudden entrance of the Russian Mafia halfway through the query somewhat jarring. Everyone expects conflict between cousins who want the same thing. No one expects the Russian mafia.
Does the mafia get involved in the skating competition? Like, does one father have the other father's kid Gilloolied? Or does the mafia threaten the judges to ensure their kids win?
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