Thursday, June 28, 2012

Face-Lift 1041

Guess the Plot

Hillary the Heroic

1. The Iraqis hate the Iranians, the Turks don’t care for the Syrians, and nobody likes North Korea. In her final days as Secretary of State, can Hillary bring everyone together under an umbrella of lasting world peace, harmony, and acceptance, finally becoming... Heroic?

2. Ten year old Hillary Rodham is an expert problem solver. Little brother won't stop pestering you? Your cat stuck up a tree? Hillary the Heroic is there to help. Follow the antics of the plucky young girl who dreams of one day becoming the Secretary of State.

3. Hillary quit the superhero business years ago and became a secretary. No, not the Secretary of State. A different Hillary. Now her husband is having a midlife crisis and wants to be a superhero. I said, not that Hillary. Then there's the teenage supervillain whose father thinks she's just going through a phase, and wants Hillary's help. All in a day's work for . . . Hillary the Heroic.

4. Hillary is the toughest tomboy of P.S. 31. But now in the 3rd grade a new girl joins the school. Can Hillary prove she still is the most heroic?

5. A teen in Bujumbura strikes up a pen pal relationship with a writer in Oslo. When Aimee discovers that Bergliot has been using her life in a series of children's books, she plans an epic trip to confront the woman who stole her life.

6. Hillary makes her living as a hero for hire in a small village near Córdoba, Spain. However, her life is turned upside down when a spelling error attracts the attention of the Spanish Inquisition. Who knew replacing an "o" with "et" could cause so much trouble?

The following query was labeled a practice query by the author. It's not one of the fakes (we had the opening a while back,) but the book may not be complete. Author?

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Hillary Dervish likes being a secretary. After her years of fighting crime as a masked super heroine, she likes the slower pace of civilian life. But when Declan Goodman’s teenage daughter Desdemona turns into a super villain, she [Hillary] agrees to help out. After all, she’s survived not only criminals, but also three teenagers. [You should identify Declan: Neighbor? Boss? Complete stranger?]

Declan is convinced that Des’s villainy is just a phase. He wants Hillary to talk some sense into the girl before another superhero drags her off to prison, where he fears she’ll turn into a serious, dangerous villain. But Hillary’s fiery powers have been a little out of whack lately…ever since she hit those pesky middle-age years.

Then Hillary gets hit with a new problem. Her husband suffers a midlife crisis and decides that he wants to be a superhero too. And who better to take down than [what better way to prove his mettle/start his career than to take down] the new teenage villainess?

My publishing credits include several pieces on your blog, and a trilogy published on Facebook and "liked" by all of my friends. [At least you put your credits in the right order, although the second one isn't worth including.] Please consider my 600,000 word fantasy magnum opus for immediate publication and a Nobel.



Good voice for a comedic story. Where does this book stand?

The first sentence is blah. We don't need to know she's a secretary. After years of fighting crime as a masked super heroine, Hillary Dervish is eager to settle into civilian life.


Dave Fragments said...

The plot of the movie "CHRONICLE" is about teens gaining super powers who use those powers in bad ways and make bad decisions (much like real life).

I haven't seen the movie yet.

But I bet there will be more plots of teens getting superpowers gone bad.

No Bull Steve said...

Those GTP's are some of the funniest I've seen. Nice job.

sarahhawthorne said...

I'm curious, what audience is this intended for? For some reason the subject matter seems very YA to me, but the age and marital status of the protagonist would indicate more of an urban superhero fantasy I guess?

none said...

Comparison title for ya. Don't say I *never* help on here....

EE's right--you need to tell us who Declan Goodman is. I imagine it's so obvious to you that you forgot we wouldn't know. Happens to us all.

I see a disconnect between Declan Whoever-He-Is just wanting Hillary to talk to the girl and Hill's superpowers being affected by the menopause. She doesn't need her powers just to talk, surely? If she needs to establish her street cred to get Desdemona to listen, say that.

Looks like a fun book. I'd like to see maybe one more paragraph about how the problems all come together in a seemingly-insoluble mishmash, though.

Rachel6 said...

The GTPs are possibly my favorites to date; "not that Hillary" indeed!

I wrote the story opening, yes, but I don't plan to actually write the book. It's not my style and I can't think of anything beyond this query and that opening. So, if anyone wants to adopt a lonely superhero story, have at!

Finally, all corrections duly noted and stored for future use. My thanks, folks.