Monday, May 10, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. You know the story about the lonely drifter, who travels the world helping people before wandering off again and how he's always an angel in disguise? Well, this book isn't about that guy.
2. He rides into town on his Harley, looking for a cold beer and a heart to break. Jennifer Lee knows he's the wrong kind of man for her, but she has to have him, mostly because her father would hate him. He is . . . The Drifter.
3. After Romeo hits Pip with his motorcycle, they fall in love. But when Romeo's father finds out Pip is a drifter, the lovers are forced to run away together. What will happen when Pip, who has been cursed with the ability of knowing when people are going to die, realizes that Romeo has one hour to live?
4. A Mediterranean cruise sounded like a romantic anniversary gift. The first few days were fun--until John Madison made the mistake of agreeing that his wife's ass looked fat in that new blue dress. At least she put a life vest on him before throwing him overboard.
5. When a wave washes drifter Brandon Roy onto a remote stretch of shore, he finds he has trespassed upon a secret kingdom of beings who will let him live only if he can prove his love for earth, wind, and sea. And telling them he saw Avatar twice isn't gonna cut it.
6. The renowned bounty hunter, Lagoon, apprehends escaped mutants on the planet Noose while searching for his father's killer, a being known only as . . . The Drifter.
Dear Evil Editor,
For sixteen-year-old Pip, knowing everyone’s time of death is growing tiresome. Especially when she can’t stop it. [Can't stop knowing or can't stop the dying?] [Does she know how the people die, or just the date and time?] However When a boy named Romeo hits her with his motorcycle she suddenly loses her curse. [Problem solved. That was easy.]
Her past a blur [Why?] and her curse gone, Pip finally sees how it is to be normal and to fall in love. But when Romeo’s father discovers she is a drifter, she is forced to run, Romeo by her side after his father’s last warning. [I don't see why someone would be forced to run just because someone found out she was a drifter. Is there a law against drifting?] [Also, why would Dad feel the need to drive a drifter away? Drifters, by definition, can be counted on to drift away.] Yet Pip’s recurring hallucinations of the dead keep coming [Keep coming? I thought they stopped.] and she is desperate to tell Romeo of her lost curse. [So Pip's hallucinations of the dead are a separate curse from her ability to know the time of people's death? Does she just see dead people, or does she see how they die? If you know how and when someone's gonna die, you ought to be able to prevent some of the deaths.] Except he would never believe her. Until the night they plan their escape, [I thought they escaped a few sentences ago.] her curse returns...and Romeo has only one hour left to live. [At least he'll finally believe her--in about an hour.]
I’m seeking representation for THE DRIFTER, a 55,000-word paranormal romance novel for young adults. Thank you for your time and consideration.
If it's a take on Romeo and Juliet, what's with the name Pip?
I want a clearer description of Pip's curse and what she hallucinates. In fact, the whole plot description needs more clarity. Almost every sentence prompts a question that doesn't get answered.
Wouldn't it be better if Pip had the curse the whole time instead of conveniently losing it to advance the plot and regaining it as soon as the plot requires her to have it? When she loses her curse she still has hallucinations of the dead, which I imagine would be even more disconcerting than just knowing when people are gonna die.
She knows "everyone's" time of death? Everyone in the world? Like, if she sees some guy, does she know he's going to die April 7th, 2056? Does she have to see the person, or does she know when people in Mongolia are gonna die?
Evil Editor: When's that guy gonna die?
Pip: July 9th, 2062, 9 PM.
Evil Editor (shooting the guy in the head): Wrong again. What about that guy?