Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. When people of different races "intermingle" their bond is called heartsouls. They can then do magic, which is illegal, but very tempting if you're not at the top of the food chain.
2. Heartsouls, brainaether, stomachbile. . . René feels he's just one step from understanding reductionism. Can he figure it out before the other rationalists laugh at him?
3. Once a generation, two fae are born with identical hearts but switched souls. To survive, they must meet, marry and have children. But what happens when both are born male?
4. A confused cardiac surgeon transplants his patients' souls with disastrous yet hilarious results.
5. A teacher snaps when his students plunk out the only tune they know on the piano for the kazillionth time and orders his pet demon to steal their hearts and their souls.
6. Anna and Daryn are, like, meant to be one soul! But Anna's dad is so a monster, and Daryn's not going to get the girl until he he gets a level 45 mace of doom.
Over the last thousand years, the people of Maore divided their society [The Maore are widely considered the most lethargic people in the galaxy.] and in the process turned their backs on magic. The races, Argent and Silver, that the Spirits meant to be joined, split, and magic died. Now two people have the chance to bring about change.
Marguerite Navarre is an Argent, part of the elite race of Maore. Marguerite finds life at the top of the food chain to be filled with [sharks, and just below them,] smug, boring people and endless lectures on duty. Then her home compound is attacked and any Argents found are killed [and eaten, demonstrating that life at the bottom of the food chain isn't so great either.] including her parents. Marguerite flees for her life and is rescued by young men of the subservient race of Silvers. [Where are the Silvers, food chain-wise?]
Although prevented by law and custom from associating with Argents, these Silvers do not follow the rules. They agree to help her get to the capital to warn the Empereur. To one of the young men, Marguerite is both drawn and repelled. [Drawn to, repelled by.] He is her opposite in every way, from his enormous confidence [Women are always drawn to a man with enormous confidence. Which explains why I keep getting emails promising to enlarge my confidence.] to his complete lack of scruples. He cannot be honest about his age- let alone his motives. [How does she know he's not being honest?
How old are you?
As the killing of Argents continues, [Who is killing them? Are you sure the Argents are at the top of the food chain?] [You already said any Argents found in the compound were killed. Are they now being killed beyond the compound? What exactly is a compound? By its most common definition, I would expect the subservient race to be kept in a compound.] Marguerite’s unprecedented relationship with the Silver [It's not unprecedented; the races intermingled before they split.] has caused them to develop magic. A magic of fire and air, that only works when a Silver and an Argent form a bond called heartsouls. [If the relationship is the bond, then you're basically saying Forming a bond has caused them to develop magic that only works when they form a bond. Which is somewhat repetitive.]
Now Marguerite is confronted with a choice, slink back to her old life, ignoring duty and her new friends, or become a weapon to stop those responsible for murdering the Argents. To do this, Marguerite must face the anger of her fellow Argents [You can't spell Argent without anger.] and trust the charming Silver with whom she’s bonded, despite the ease with which he lies. [If you name him you won't have to keep referring to him as "the Silver."]
Heartsouls is an epic fantasy with strong elements of romance complete at 140,000 words. It is the first of a series, with the second well on its way.
Thank you in advance for your consideration.
If I understand your message correctly, you're saying the French are superior to the Americans, but not as superior as they think they are.
You claim silver and argent are the races, but later say that argent is part of the elite race. What are the other parts?
You say one of Marguerite's choices is to slink back to her old life. How can she do that when all the Argents in her compound have been murdered?
What exactly is magic? What can you do if you have magic of fire and air? If magic is really powerful, I find it hard to believe no one's been tempted to bond and use it for centuries.
Maore is an actual place on Earth. Is your Maore a planet? Country? Maore also sounds a lot like Maori.