Saturday, February 16, 2008

Fake Query 5 (How to Be Fabulous)

Porn star Fabulous Fontaine offers a series of how-to videos that win critical acclaim and vault her to the top of the daytime TV popularity list.

Dear Mr. Editor,

My momma told me, when you have a special skill, exploit it for all it's worth. She named me Chastity Fontaine, but on my eighteenth birthday I let the world know just what my own special skill was with a starring role in the movie "Big Jugg Up and Cummers."

They called me Fabulous Fontaine after that. Ten movies later, including "Space Vixens from Planet Lesbos" and the Canadian "Back Yard, Back Bacon, Back Door," I saw how many girls wanted to follow my footsteps into the Fabulous world of adult video.

So I made a series of How-To videos called "How To Be Fabulous." I've appeared on Oprah, Ellen, and Jerry Springer--unfortunately, they made me keep my clothes on. And now I'm asking you to help me sell my new memoir so the next generation of stars can be Fabulous, too.



PS: I'm including a free copy of all my videos.



Sarah Laurenson said...

OMG, Pete. You've got quite a voice here. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Dave Fragments said...

I'd bet that query would sell the book. It's so lovably quirky.

ril said...

I can almost hear the breathlessness in her voice. This is so entirely believable! Good stuff.

Robin S. said...

Oh, Pete, this is hysterical.

Is your wife kinds nervous that you
do a female porn star's voice so well?!

I think this works for that category called "offbeat and quirky", and I say, write it.

Whirlochre said...

Slight POV problem - some of the words have more than zero letters in them.

Good characterisation though - I'm guessing blonde, and capable of levitating 150 feet above the ground if inflated with the right gas.

Brenda said...

I bet you look fetching in those Lucite heels.

I've seen some of the "off the wall letters" agents get, and this sounds JUST like one! Absolutely believable.

Anonymous said...

Pete!! You said those videos were for your own personal use! I feel betrayed.


Blogless Troll said...

Good job, Pete. Wait, I think I've seen "Space Vixens from Planet Lesbos."