Monday, July 14, 2008
Guess the Plot
1. Hunky anthropologist Petr von Bigun is researching an ancient, forgotten tribe on a remote Pacific island when the sea literally starts to boil. The natives whisper of "Dragon's Beginning" and of the end of the world. Can Petr, aided by voluptuous beach volleyball pro Anette Sands, learn the tribe's ancient language and rituals in time to save the planet from annihilation?
2. When Robby finds a dragon in a box, he makes his way to a magical land where he must drive out evil to inherit a kingdom and rescue a damsel from the evil tower. If he survives to his sixteenth birthday he'll inherit dragon powers, and shapeshifting ability, and might be able to save his family. Also, a grumpy bard.
3. Tired of dealing with riots, Zhu Tzu turns in his officer's badge and heads to the US to start a Chinese restaurant "The Dragon." His endeavour is a success, until his dragon logo comes alive and starts eating employees that complain too much. Can Zhu Tzu soothe the dragon's fragile ego and set things right? And what will happen when a notorious food critic tastes the egg drop soup?
4. Two oversized lizards in love. A passionate encounter. A fateful mutation on chromosome 18. Three weeks of incubation, and: enter, the dragon. Teased by the rest of the Brachiosaurs, he hides in the back of the herd. When a pack of Allosaurs arrives, will he save the day or turn his back on the herd that scorned him?
5. In the beginning was the Dragon. And the Dragon was hungry. And the Dragon was made of flesh, as were the things it preyed upon. And this was good. For the Dragon. But for the other fleshy things, not so much. Thus the need for Galwayn the Dragonslayer and his thirsty sword Mordran. With the assistance of a reluctant soothsayer, a buxom lady’s maid, and a disinherited earl, the stalwart Galwayn sets out to assure that the dragon’s beginning is speedily followed by its end.
6. Alexios Andronikos was born poor and patronless on the back streets of 14th century Trebizond. When his desperate parents sell the strikingly beautiful child, he is castrated and trained for harem life. But Alexios was born to be a warrior, and there will be no denying his destiny. Escape, martial arms training, intrigue, and his own dauntless nature propel Alexios’s transformation from eunuch slave to The Dragon, Scourge of Byzantium.
Dear Evil Editor,
Details about agent, personalized from research. I hope you enjoy DRAGON'S BEGINNING, the first book in my YA fantasy-adventure series. The novel is complete at 65,000 words.
The tale of a boy and his dog is classic. When the boy is a young sorcerer named Robby who doesn't know he's also half dragon, classic turns fantastic. Mix in his guardian Dire Wolf, Mearlyn, and the amazing creatures and magic's of the land of Drakos Dnal [and you have . . . what?].
Robby's house is destroyed and his mother has disappeared. His only hope of finding her comes from the mysterious black box he unearths from the ruins. [It's obvious what happened: a plane crashed into the house.] Unfortunately, it comes with a dragon-in-the-box. [Is the dragon in the black box? Or is there a dragon-in-a-box inside the black box? The dragon-in-a-box being like a Jack-in-the-box, but instead of a clown popping up, a dragon pops up and spews a wall of flames on the child.] [Expect a massive recall on these within weeks of their arriving from China, by the way.] Setting off with Mearlyn, Robby follows the clue from the dragon, [What clue?] discovering nothing in the land is as it seems. [What land?]
He learns he is the heir to a kingdom - if he can drive the evil from the land. [When it comes to real estate, there's always a catch.] [Is he heir to Drakos Dnal?] He finds friends and enemies along the way, [The way where? Is he going somewhere?] while dodging the evil Daemon who will stop at nothing to steal Robby's magic. [What magic? Is Robby a sorcerer before his house is destroyed? Does he seem to be a sorcerer in "the land"? Because I remember you saying nothing was as it seems.] When one of his companions, Isabelle, is captured, [or at least seems to have been captured.] Robby is given a choice - offer himself up to save her, or find her before time runs out. With new allies - including a grumpy Bard and a batty witch, [Are they really a grumpy Bard and a batty witch? If so, could we have an example of something that isn't as it seems? So far, everything is as it seems.] he discovers where Isa is held. Breaching the tower, Robby must use his wits to rescue her and destroy the tower's evil magic.
While continuing the search for his mother, Robby is shocked to discover the true secret of their past. On his sixteenth birthday, he will inherit dragon powers - great magic and the ability to shift form. [If I had great magic and the ability to shift form, I wouldn't bother trying to drive evil out of some kingdom so I could inherit it. Who needs the aggravation?]
Through his journeys, Robby realizes he cares about saving not just his friends and family, but the land itself. Drawn deeper into this dangerous game, he knows he must eventually fight - and hopefully win - against Daemon, the only one to ever find magic more powerful than a dragon's. Until then, his family will be lost [His family, meaning his mother? Who else is lost?] and Drakos Dnal will continue to be enslaved.
Dragon's Beginning is my first novel. I'd be happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
It sounds more like middle grade to me.
You keep bringing up stuff and assuming we know what you're talking about. You know everything. We know nothing. Give us a clear progression of the main plot. How and when does Robby get to Drakos Dnal? What's his plan when he gets there?
How come when Robby was fifteen, and didn't yet have dragon powers, Daemon, who has magic more powerful than a dragon's, was so eager to steal Robby's magic? That's like Donald Trump stealing a quarter from a homeless guy.
Although this is missing some key information, it's a bit too long. You'll have to determine which information we can do without.