"But why are you taking mom out to dinner?"
"Because I'm a very selfish man. I like to show other men how well I married."
Colonel Hand finished tying his tie and adjusted his medals. He put his eye patch into place and looked at the mirror and smiled at the reflection of his wife. She finished her make-up, then ran her fingers through her hair, then flattened her hair with her palms, then did the whole thing over three more times. She combed her hair one more time before rising to put on her dress and shoes.
Their son continued lolling about the bedroom, too tired to stay still in that way that only the very young have.
"There's the doorbell."
He went to let the sitter in, pausing as he walked down the stairs in order to remember the place. Tomorrow he'd be heading back to the front and this would only be a memory. He opened the door and stood, stunned by what was before him.
"Colonel Mustard?! But . . . you're--"
"Dead? No, my friend. Your lead pipe in the conservatory wasn't enough to finish me." He pulled a revolver from his jacket. "Into the billiard room," he said, "where I can assure you that I won't be so sloppy."
Opening: Anon......Continuation: Khazar-khum