Friday, May 04, 2007
Guess the Plot
The Gem City
1. After several failed attempts at finding The Emerald City, Dorothy takes her complaints somewhere less prestigious.
2. In this epic fantasy, a young girl named Doris is swept up in a hurricane and deposited in the land of Iz. Will she and her new friends, the Straw Hobo, the Aluminum Lumberjack and the Tentative Tiger be able to reach the Gem City to plead their case to the Marvelous Magician of Iz?
3. At Gem City University, a deranged demigod imprisoned for eternity is accidentally released. Legendary superheroes The Companions come out of retirement, but aren't strong enough to capture the demigod--until they enlist the aid of . . . The Dreamwonderer.
4. Architect Ted De Beers has heard all the criticism, but he believes in his cutting edge designs. The Gem City will make his name--if he can find a cost-effective way to construct buildings out of emeralds, diamonds and rubies.
5. When homicide Detective Zack Martinez is summoned to the Gem City, a huge wholesale jewelry building, he knows two things: he'll run into his ex-wife at her boutique, and he'd better bring his new wife some earrings.
6. Eve Summer stows away on hunky Rake Crenshaw's single-engine plane, only to find out too late that he's headed for the Amazon to find the fabled lost "Gem City." Can Rake save her from her ex-husband's mob buddies hot on her tail? And if he does, can he convince her that an emerald can make a fine engagement ring?
I'm excited to be submitting my 132 000 word novel THE GEM CITY, a urban fantasy novel set in Gem City, a metropolis populated by the descendents of archetypes and fictitious personalities from Earth's literature and mythology. The city awakes to the light of a rising moon that fills the sky and sleeps during the terrifying hours of All Dark.
After an eventful evening in the Underworks collecting folklore for a school lecture, MATTY- a Shadow Elemental training at the Gem City University- accidentally releases TRIVERA, a deranged demigod believed imprisoned for eternity by the legendary Companions. [You know how on your computer, when you try to delete a file it asks you if you really want to delete that file? There should be a safeguard in the Gem City University lockup that says, Are you sure you want to release a deranged demigod into the world?] This forces the Companions out of retirement and Matty is astonished to discover the ordinary people from his life- his professor, uncle and his own father- make up the legendary Companions. But the [legendary] Companions are told that if they once again pursue this foe from their pasts, they will be defeated. [Told by whom? A minion of Trivera? A Gypsy fortune teller?]
When Trivera kidnaps the Moon goddess, FALCO, whose magical power set him aside greatly from the other Nobles he calls family, decides he owes this goddess much for befriending and helping him as a child. [Precede "Falco" with a descriptor, something like, "the wizard." As it is, it sounds like Falco's the moon goddess, whose magic helped Trivera as a child. Better yet, dump the sentence, and make Falco's appearance in the next sentence his introduction.] Falco is brought together with Matty and Elara- the half-dragon child of Matty's uncle- by the Companions, who begrudgingly relinquish their responsibility to this younger generation. [And they call themselves "legendary"? "Over-the-hill" is more like it. That's like the Justice League of America retiring, and turning over the fight against super criminals to the Rugrats.] [Not that the name "Companions," even in their heyday, was likely to strike fear into the hearts of villains.
"My plan has gone perfectly. I need only throw the switch of doom, and I will rule the world!
"Not so fast, Captain Evil!"
"Curses! Not again. Not . . . The Companions!]
Defeating Trivera is going to be far more complex than the Companions' prior experience suggests. The young three soon realize that vanquishing Trivera alone will be nearly impossible, and help from two newly arisen entities, the Dreamwonderer and Oracle, [The Dreamwonderer? Was I just mocking the name "Companions"?] will be essential. Matty must travel to Earth, the world that dreams his own, [What kind of transportation takes you from your world to the world that dreams your world?] to find the Dreamwonderer, and Falco and Elara must cross through the Lands of the Dead to the Moon to begin the hunt for the Oracle. [How do they know what the Dreamwonderer and Oracle have to offer if they're newly arisen? Where is this moon? Up in the sky? I think we need a better idea of what this world is.] The closer the young trio come to a solution, the further they find themselves from the truth. [The truth about what?] As they uncover more and more of the mysteries behind their respective heritages, they recognize that understanding their pasts is the key to averting the upcoming perils facing Gem City.
This is a multiple submission. Thank you for considering my submission and look I forward to hearing from you!
Most of the character names--and the title--seem silly or blah.
What is the source of the moon's light? Why doesn't that source light the world? Is this world real, or a dream?
What does Matty bring to the table? Do shadow elementals have super powers? The last person I'd want on my team is the klutz who released the demigod.
Matty's uncle married a dragon? Or was it just a fling?
To me, this is all over the place and needs to be reworked. It's not clear enough. Take out the stuff that leads to more questions than it answers. That will leave very little. Then add some clear information. How does the villain escape? What happens if they don't capture him? What powers do they have that might enable them to capture a demigod?