Thursday, May 03, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. Cross-dressing lawyer Chip Childers throws down the gauntlet when mob boss Guido Sicilio tries to put a hit on Chip’s client, whistle-blower Jimmy “the weasel.”
2. Rica wants only to be with her brother, but a heavenly being appears and declares her the new queen. Her first duty will be to bring to justice the advisers and lords who've already tried to assassinate her.
3. Billy-Bob just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he’s dead. But he's reckoned without crime fighting Zombie Freddy Mercury, and now he’s under pressure. Can Festerin’ Freddy halt Billy’s rampage before another one bites the dust?
4. In the fantasy world of Diamelakasis, in the land of Vandandelia Vas'i, can Queen Lortaria d'Nandaleia convince the vleiu from the mountains to attack their common enemy, the Quensk'rik d'Kor, before they lay siege to the castle of Rue Dasselia v'Adoradun, the ancient home of her people the Chressiun d'Noria?
5. When Don Imus calls Queen Latifah a 'nappy haired ho', she gets revenge -- and then some. By the time she's done with that mumbling octogenarian, he's begging to kiss the black ass of that self-serving opportunist Al Sharpton.
6. When Queen Kilardey becomes pregnant out of wedlock, she must decide what is just: to kill the baby or to give up her throne and raise the child as a peasant.
Dear Evil Editor:
I’d like to tell you about my 82,000 word fantasy novel, Queen’s Justice.
After her parents died, Rica wanted to stay by her brother's side and that meant becoming a swordmaster. Yet her wishes weren't consulted when Sano, a heavenly being that selects the next ruler of Santor, shows up at her sword school and designates her as the new Queen. Rica tries her best to learn the subtleties of ruling, but her high ministers keep her isolated and are less than cooperative when she tries to assert herself as a ruler. [Subtlety of ruling #1: When your high ministers are less than cooperative, have them put to death and appoint some spineless, toadying grovelers.] Then two commoners attack her…and she discovers that her high ministers and the general of her army might have been behind that assassination attempt. [Subtlety of ruling #2: If there's the slightest chance the general of your army is disloyal, have him put to death and appoint a servile, boot-licking apple polisher.]
Rica escapes the palace disguised as a mercenary. She’s determined to find out which of her lords and ministers are corrupt and which are trustworthy. [Subtlety of ruling #3: If some of your ministers and lords are corrupt, have them all put to death.] During her travels, she learns that Lord Darris is terrorizing his people. She seeks to gather evidence against him, [Subtlety of ruling #4: Evidence is for wusses; queens use the guillotine.] but no one will talk to a common mercenary for fear that Lord Darris may hear of it and kill them. [Someone talked to her; who informed her Darris was terrorizing his people?] Rica considers giving up and leaving the country, but Sano makes it clear that he will kill her if she leaves. [Why doesn't Sano kill (or at least identify) the disloyal ministers?]
Yet it’s not safe to stay, either. One of her high ministers has usurped her power and has people out searching for her. [Subtlety of ruling #5: Before disguising yourself and leaving your center of power, make sure all your high ministers have been put to death.] Rica comes across further evidence against her corrupt lords and ministers but is unable to bring them to justice without help. She finds a group of men willing to fight against Lord Darris and joins their revolt. After they capture Lord Darris, she regains control of her army, orders the arrest of those who plotted against her, [Arrest? Subtlety of ruling #6: Put those who've plotted against you to death first, then arrest them.] and is finally able to bring about the Queen’s Justice.
The full manuscript of Queen’s Justice is available upon request. A self-address, stamped envelope is enclosed for your reply. Thank you for your time and consideration.
It's just an outline of the plot. Instead of merely telling us what happens, try to make us care about Rica. This might require more about her relationship with her brother, how she feels when she must leave him to become queen.
If the ruler is always chosen by a heavenly being, I would expect the people to blindly accept the choice, yet they immediately start plotting against Rica. Aren't they worried about the wrath of Sano?
If there are a group of people willing to revolt against Darris, it's surprising Rica couldn't even find anyone willing to talk about him.