Guess the Plot
Boy of the Spiral City
1. A circuitous story of a boy who finds himself in a love triangle with a girl of the Linear City and her square of a husband.
2. Inhuman dregs, disgruntled banshees, and bi-polar robots are just a few of the evil villains trying to destroy earth. Now it’s up to a young boy to learn the secrets of Spiral City and send them into the vortex of the phantom zone.
3. When the heir to the throne of Spiral City meets the girl-queen of Conical Town and they fall in love, will Pythagoras twirl in his grave or will a pointy Romeo and a budding Juliet find happiness in the equations of life?
4. Little Jeff grew up on the streets of Spiral City breaking all 24 Pillars of Righteousness and racing his hover cart in rush hour traffic. At his Coming of Age, Grand Vicar McSweeney convinces him to end his life in ritual sacrifice since there’s really no place in Heaven for a vile little puke whose only talent is driving in circles, but then Jeff gets sucked through an inter-dimensional portal and discovers NASCAR.
5. In the Spiral City, there is no level playing field, as apprentice demonologist Finn MacDougal discovers. Will Finn learn the fine art of calling the Demons of Unfairness to aid him in getting ahead; or will he find himself demoted to dragon dung hauler?
6. With his approval rating plummeting because of the war, the king of the Spiral City resolves to help his people. So he lets a poor boy move into his house. The army rebels, the king is killed, the boy is kidnapped. Maybe he should have let two boys move in.
Dear Mr. Evil,
I am seeking representation for BOY OF THE SPIRAL CITY, a young adult fantasy novel, about 84,000 words.
Tamicus, a boy who lives in the Spiral City of Celmor, resolves to find a way to live in the King’s House, even though he is small and poor. He waits on the streets for an opportunity to find a place with the king. [Good luck, kid. If this gig doesn't work out, try standing outside The White House hoping for an opportunity to move in.]
King Aleron is plagued by his recent failure of protecting his people: he killed an innocent farmer in a skirmish against the Nazobians. Aleron goes out to the city, determined to find a way to rectify his wrong. When he meets Tamicus and the boy asks to live in the King’s House, Aleron sees an opportunity to begin helping his people.
[Aleron: My people are on the brink of rebellion because they don't think I can protect them from the Nazobians. What should I do?
Adviser: Let that small poor boy move into your house.
Aleron: Rent free?!]
Aleron takes in Tamicus and starts to change and improve Celmor.
As Tamicus grows and Aleron changes the ranks of his wild soldiers and tries to secure peace with Nazobi, his soldiers rebel and enter into an alliance with the Nazobians. Aleron is destroyed, and Tamicus is kidnapped and taken to the land of Nazobi. The leader of the Nazobians, Quel, gives the confused and distraught Tamicus a new name: Mylo. Mylo is taught to become a bloodthirsty and violent warrior [If your name is Mylo, and you want to live, you have no choice but to become a great warrior.] and is forced to forget his King. [I forget things, but the last thing I'm gonna forget is something you're trying to force me to forget.
Do not think about your king. Got it?
Okay . . . what are you thinking about?
My ki-- Baseball.]
But the teachings of Aleron only lay buried, not forgotten. Mylo again becomes Tamicus and returns to Celmor to continue Aleron’s work.
Thank you for your time and effort. [What? That was the big wrap-up? That's like summarizing the first 100 pages of the LOTR trilogy and then saying, And everything works out in the end.] I look forwards from hearing from your soon. [If the final impression you leave with an editor is that sentence, you're in trouble.]
If Aleron was destroyed and the Celmor soldiers are working for Nazobi, it seems obvious that Nazobi has taken over Celmor. How can Mylo just walk in and start running things?
The reason we don't build spiral cities is because if you want to get from the suburbs to downtown, it can take weeks.
I would assume the plot is heavily weighted toward what happens after Tamicus is kidnapped. But the query is more weighted toward the pre-kidnapping events. I'd change the focus, to more accurately reflect what's in the book.