Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day

It's a long weekend here in the U.S., which explains why there are fewer people visiting and commenting. They're all at the beach. It's the traditional start to the beach season, and for those planning a trip to the beach this summer, I thought I'd run through a few of the better-known beach superstitions.

Granted, many people aren't superstitious at all. But most superstitions have a strong basis in fact. Take Friday the 13th. This date has long been considered unlucky because it's believed to be the day Jesus was crucified. And let's face it: any day on which you get crucified is pretty damned unlucky.

There are probably more superstitions associated with the beach than any other place, and most of them make a lot of sense when you think about them. So let's run through them.

1. If you walk backwards down a fishing pier, you will soon be buying a new pair of shoes.

2. It is bad luck to go swimming in the ocean while wearing a necklace made from hunks of raw meat.

3. Red sky at dawn: nuclear bomb.
Red sky at night: terrorists blew up another flight.

4. If you burp in the ocean, you'll have eleven years of bad luck--unless you accidentally swallow a jellyfish at the same time.

5. If a flock of seagulls flies directly over you, you'll soon be washing your hair.

6. When your legs become hopelessly entangled in seaweed while wading in the ocean at three A.M., it is bad luck if the tide is coming in.

7. If you put down a large non-refundable deposit on a cottage, it will rain for precisely the amount of time you have the place.

8. If you step on a conch shell, your middle name will mysteriously change to Chellio.

9. Drop the tray holding your family's sandwiches in the sand, and you will soon be spending a large sum of money in a bad restaurant.

10. If a Portuguese Man-of-War becomes trapped in your swim trunks, your sex drive will inexplicably disappear for two months.


writtenwyrdd said...

LOL! Evil, you are well named.

Beach, in Maine? Brrr! At least the black flies don't bother you there, though.

phoenix said...

My colleagues in the UK claim it's a long weekend for them, too. I think they're just sneaking another day away from work since we in the US won't be checking up on them...

I'm most attracted to dark, Dr. Strangelove-type humor, which is why I think superstition #3 is absolutely killer.

Dave said...

Surf City New Jersey recommends that you don't dig too deep in the sand because there are unexploded munitions from WW 1 hiding there.

Ocean City passed an ordinace against birds polluting the water with their droppings.

WIldwood forbids camels on the beach and people with stomach illnesses.

Belmar beach will jail your kids if they draw obscene or sexually graphic pictures in the sand or sculpt naked sand statues.

Brigantine Beach forbids loud laughing, partying and general fun.

Long Branch prohibits parking a baby carriage on the sand within 15 feet of a beach entrance.

Me? I'm a landlubber, so the only sand I get in my shorts is like never, dude.

pipsqueak said...

You left off

11. coating yourself in olive oil is a good way to avoid sunburn.

Undercover said...

If you buy a perfectly-fitting bathing on sale at the end of the summer, it will shink over the winter months while sitting in a drawer (this is also known to happen with jeans over the summer months).

(I'm having problems with blogger so may post twice).

GutterBall said...

#3. Ha!

The Anti-Wife said...

These are hysterical! Happy Memorial Day!

Bernita said...

Our open-the-cottage-put-the-boat-in-the-water holiday was last weekend.

whitemouse said...

12. Blogging at the beach while sitting beside a half-emptied cooler of beer begets wild inspirations (and sunburn).

Dave Kuzminski said...

You forgot that if you purchase exactly enough hot dogs or hamburgers for you and your friends, one will fall in the sand before everyone can eat.

Anonymous said...

Begetting on the beach is forbidden.
Alcohol on the beach is forbidden.
Sunburn is mandatory.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Do you have experience with that last one, EE?

foggidawn said...

I was born on Friday the 13th -- whether that was lucky or unlucky depends entirely upon your point of view, I suppose. . .

As for the beach superstitions, #7 and #9 cause me to believe that EE has been on family vacations similar to some of mine. Last time my whole family went to the beach, we had the fun of watching the hotel staff put all of the patio furniture into the swimming pool so the hurricane wouldn't blow it all into the ocean. Ah, Florida!

Chumplet said...

Hey! Only the first one is true - you made up the rest, didn't you?

Not a holiday here, we had ours last weekend.

Hey, Dave -- only the first one is true - you made up the rest, didn't you? Except for the landlubber part.

I think I'm having a déja vu...

ME said...

Life is a beach when I'm at the beach.
I have none of the problems you've listed and I must say, son, of a beach, I've missed it.
At the beach, I am one with the wind and the sand and the surfside seas. But not today, no sir, not today.

McKoala said...

A fine example of your tender thoughtfulness for your minions.

No holidays in Oz, so I'm still here. Winter is i cumin in, shut up ye cuckoo.

Dave said...

Hey chumplet,
They're all true. a friend of mine lives in New Jersey and apparently has the facts. It's New Jersey, they have problems with everything there.

Xenith said...

Beach???? No thanks. Today I wore my knitted scarf for the first time this year.

And the woman who knitted it for me, asked me if I wantd a second one and in what colour. If I have two scarfs, should I wear them at the same time?

(Blogger seem to have change their log-in thingie again, and my browser didn't recognise the page and give me the saved username/password, so I had to work it out for myself. Why do they do this?)