Face-Lift 697

Guess the Plot

Ashley Erin Fox

1. Ashley Erin Fox wants revenge for her hideous 1980's moniker, so she and a skin-artist buddy drug her retro-loving parents' wine coolers and tattoo their foreheads with 'ALF' and 'Golden Girl'. Her parents interpret this as a 'warning signal' and call a therapist. Hilarity ensues.

2. Five kids in her kindergarten class were named Ashley (three of them boys). The other six were called Aaron, A-Rawn, Airynne, Eirean, Erinn and Yairhiynnan. Now Ashley Erin Fox's desperate need to determine who she is - once and for all - takes her across seven continents on the ultimate quest for meaning.

3. Eight-year-old twins Ashley and Erin Bingshakle find a fox and name it after themselves, hoping it will make a great pet. But the fox talks them into letting it sleep in their beds and into killing the chickens for its dinner. Can you guess who's in big trouble?

4. Twelve-year-old Ashley Erin Fox is a gifted ballerina. But when she goes to a martial arts summer camp she finds that she also has a natural gift for brutality. In fact, she's a killing machine, and soon finds herself surrounded by gun-wielding agents. She escapes and shaves her head to disguise herself as a boy, but how long can she survive on the lam?

5. When aliens invade, Ashley kidnaps their leader and suborns them into becoming her criminal gang. With their help, she breaks into a nuclear power plant and leaves a three-headed frog by the reactor. Next up: stealing the heir to the Betelgeuse Empire -- he's made of living diamond.

6. Bored with all the Whisky Tango November stuff, PFC Nate Shumberger invents his own phonetic alphabet. But what will happen to military communications, when this catches on among the troops of the Azerbaijan Expeditionary Force?



Original Version

Dear Elektra,

Twelve-year-old Ashley Fox is a gifted ballerina and unbeknownst to her, also a genetically engineered killing machine. Morally opposed [to] the violent legacy her mad-scientist of a father has designed [in store? prepared?] for her, Ashley is ordered to attend a militant martial arts summer camp where she discovers, much to her dismay, her natural gifts for brutality far outshine everyone she encounters [those of her fellow campers].

When a power-hungry bureaucrat murders Ashley’s parents, she finds, further to her horror, that her overwhelming desire is for revenge, [That seems more like a natural reaction than a horrifying one. Plus her previous reaction was "to her dismay," not her horror. I'd drop the phrase.] despite the inherent risk to her sarcastic younger brother, Geoffrey. Their father’s best friend, Major Ross, rescues the mischievous [Not the word I'd use to refer to a killing machine. Has she killed anyone yet?] children as often as he can, but when Ashley pushes their federally funded enemies too far, Major Ross is killed and Geoffrey is captured. Desperate, the young girl returns home, where an agent is waiting for her. Ash beats him senseless and calls the local police, hoping to expose the conspiracy.

Soon Ashley finds herself at the Angel City Police Department, surrounded by gun-wielding agents and officers, all of whom claim to have some legal jurisdiction over the girl. [[Are they pointing their guns at Ashley or at each other?] At a crucial moment in the final standoff, Ashley snatches her bittersweet moment of revenge, and narrowly escapes with Geoffrey. Together they flee to a prestigious martial arts academy, where Ash, with a newly shaven head, successfully forges their applications and registers herself as a boy.

Ashley is not fond of her new abilities, and to her highly logical mind, the will to use violence feels more akin to understanding, rather than power. [Not clear to me what that means.] Ashley feels she has some inkling of what is [was] meant by F. Scott Fitzgerald when he said ‘the measure of a first-rate intellect is its ability to hold two contradictory ideas at the same time’. She fears she is showing the ominous first-signs of adulthood; self-rationalization and hypocrisy. [This entire paragraph can go. This isn't literary fiction.]

Ashley Erin Fox is an adventure, complete at seventy-three thousand words. The second novel in this series, Trials of Ash, is also complete at one hundred sixteen thousand words, while others linger at various stages of development and abandon.

I have a degree in animation, once sold a few stories to Marvel Comics, and currently work in television and film. If you feel you might be interested, please email john@t256.com.

Thank you for all your good work and for your dedication to this profession, God knows it isn’t always as easy as it looks from the outside, but it sure beats shoveling snow. I hope you are warm and happy, wherever you are, and look forward to hearing from you. [This is just something you threw in to amuse the minions, and not part of your query, right?]

Sincerely,


Notes

The agent/editor is going to assume the book is intended for middle grade as soon as she sees the protagonist is twelve. She'll then wonder if parents want their kids reading about a 12-year-old girl who's a brutal killing machine and beats adults senseless. So tell her who your audience is. If it's adults, it may be a hard sell with such a young protagonist.

It sounds like something that would work well as a graphic novel.

Does Ashley's ballet training come in handy when she goes on one of her killing sprees?

Assuming we all agree a 12-year-old isn't physically capable of what Ashley does, she should either be seventeen, making it more realistic, or seven, making it even more obvious that you don't really expect us to buy it.

Cartoon 514

Caption: Anon.

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New Beginning 702

A blonde little girl was sitting in a swing hung from a branch, “Hi,” I said.

The first thing Louisa ever said to me was “My Daddy said I can take a friend to Disney World this Christmas. Do you want to be my friend?” Soon we were playing tea party on the veranda steps; unlike my fragile little hand-painted cups (Victorian relics of a du Bois ancestress) Louisa’s were quite new and bright-red, “My Daddy bought them for me for the beach, ’cause I’m his little favorite!” as she banged them around. I remember being startled; weren’t English bone-china teacups supposed to be treated gently and with respect? “But mine are made of plastic! They’re better ’cause they don’t break! That’s what my daddy says!” Soon the booming voice of “My Daddy, Mr. Hank Hartly” came out to join us, followed by the man himself along with my own father. I think there were handshakes all round and lots of talk, and of course, plans for Louisa and I to get together again.

The enchanted time was ending, though none of us thought about it.

It should have been obvious, of course, despite their agreements. Not just because of the delicate little teacups and our dear tea-parties; there was our shared interest in the arts and theatre, and our frequent shopping trips to the fashion districts. No, if our fathers had read the signs, had been less conservative, they would have known marriage was never in the cards for Louisa and me . . . Hold still, there. I just need to get your inside leg and we'll have your trousers ready in no time. My, you are tense, sir . . .

Opening: Ann Unemori.....Continuation: Anon.

Cartoon 513

Caption: Mother (Re)produces

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Face-Lift 696

Guess the Plot

Clandestine Friendship

1. Mom thinks Jimmy's little green elf buddy is imaginary and cute, so she lets him take piles of peanut butter crackers out back for their pretend lunch. But the greenie is really Xulpzi 95, a Martian space ranger and heartless mercenary on a mission to search and destroy!

2. OoegaMar, the forty-first Consort of Iegeth, is bound by her sacred duty to the Gooegen Empire to find and kill Tdyxxxn, the Vrxynnnx of the Qpykkkians. Little does anyone suspect OoegaMar and Tdyxxxn have sworn the blood oath to be Faerfennuuegen (pen pals).

3. An elf and a flying horse become best of friends, but keep their friendship secret--until the horse's mother is kidnapped by a cloud. Now they must team up to save mother, even if it means revealing their friendship. Also, a werewolf.

4. If only Princess Pea could see her paramour, Joe the kitchenman, openly, their lives would be so free and breezy! But no, they can only communicate via messenger pigeon and alphabet soup.

5. Mandy and Josh don't want to have sex. However, in post-apocolyptic North America (pop. 649,241), platonic relationships aren't just frowned upon, they're punishable. Can Mandy find someone willing to get her pregnant without taking credit, before Josh gets sacrificed to the neo-gods?

6. Johnny Wilson takes advice from a self-help book to expand his social circle, but each new friend has reasons for not hanging out. Shinobu belongs to a fight club, Ian is trying to get published, and James B.'s ex-girlfriends want to kill him. Will Johnny spend his graduation party alone?


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Pegasi do not belong on a human farm, [Of course not. They belong on a horse farm.] something the other foals never let Jusheron forget, and most elves scorn Sharael for her uncommon interest in other races. After a chance encounter, these two outsiders become steadfast friends, meeting in secret to avoid raising the suspicions of Jusheron’s mother and Sharael’s appointed guardian. [At this point I guess I'm supposed to assume Jusheron is a pegasus, and not a boy who brought a pegasus onto the farm, or a foal who invited a pegasus onto the farm. And I'm supposed to assume Sharael is an elf rather than a girl? The latter would be clear if it read: ...and Sharael is scorned by her fellow elves for her... ]

The delicate balance of deceit tips when a mysterious cloud abducts Jusheron’s mother right before his eyes. Distraught, the young pegasus has only one thought in mind - he must get her back, whatever the cost. Though she risks the wrath of her father, Sharael refuses to let her friend travel alone.

Pursued by Sharael’s tenacious guardian, the two friends are aided and impeded alike by many bizarre individuals, including a constantly babbling imp, a werewolf whose handsome looks hide inner turmoil, [I was suffering from inner turmoil last night. Had to take some Pepto Bismol.] a talking stallion who prefers a good debate to a good fight, and a dwarf who would rather invent magical potions than mine gold.

Clandestine Friendship is a young adult fantasy novel and stands at 58,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Notes

It seems to me that young adults would rather read a book about young adults than a book about an elf and a flying horse who are best of friends. What makes this more suitable for teenagers than for, say, a nine-year-old?

I'm more interested in where the cloud has taken Sharael's mommy and why, than in a list of characters encountered along the way.

I'd like to be certain that the main characters are a pegasus and an elf by the end of the first paragraph. I'm not certain Jusheron's a pegasus until paragraph 2, and it's never made clear that Sharael isn't a human with an interest in other races--like elves.

Cartoon 512

Caption: Anon.

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New Beginning 701

“There could be muggers in that park.”

“I'm hopin'.”

Kelly Banks watched as Jackson Creed walked on as if he hadn't even noticed he'd given Mr. Spokane the brush-off. Sure, school was out and a teacher couldn't stop a student from going through the park, and Jackson was a big kid, but he was going through a park where there had been some bodies found of late, and he was only fifteen.

If Creed was going to survive an attack he would have to be a very bad boy and that would make things . . . interesting. Kelly figured as long as she was going to be stuck in this one-and-a-half horse town pretending to be a city she might as well keep on with exactly those things her father didn't approve of. She frisked her bag to make certain the items she needed were there, threw it over her shoulder, and headed off to the park.

Of course one of those things her father didn't approve of was murder, storming about the house spewing about how one these days she was going to get caught and sent to prison.

"Not with Barney and George running the police department," she had said, because if this one-and-a-half horse town had anything going for it, that was it.

That, and a park right next door to dump dead bodies in.

And plenty of "bad boys" willing to go into the park with her.

She tossed a wink over her shoulder at Mr. Spokane. "Later, Dad," she said.


Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: Anon.

Cartoon 511

Caption: Anon.

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Face-Lift 695

Guess the Plot

Resonance

1. The cello is said to be the instrument closest to the human voice. But Zoe didn't expect hers to start humming on its own. Nor did she expect the notes to sound increasingly like human words, impassioned and pleading words. Now if she can just keep her music teacher from finding out...

2. Claire lost her six-year-old heart to Bobby's recorder solo in their first grade Christmas Pageant. Twenty years later she buys the night club where Bobby plays the sax from the Russian Mafia. They seek resonance amid syndicated crime, wannabe musicians, and alley cats.

3. RRrreeEEeessSSssooOOonNNNnaaAAaannNNnccCCcceEe.

4. Jordan Seymore's braces broadcast amusingly evil subliminal messages. Now, dad carries a doll, sis meows, and the school cafeteria has served “chili” 27 days running. Can Jordan convince autoshop student Sally French to help reharmonize his mouth?

5. No one understands. Beautiful voices are Fiona's life. Looks, brains and money are unimportant. Now 32 years old, with Mom breathing down her neck and old friends having babies left and right, Fiona listens in vain for Mr. Right. Until one day she hears “Stick 'em up, lady!” Could this be the one?

6. Emma Drishumm has just learned that she has a super power: the ability to stop time by shopping for shoes. Now if she can just figure out how to use this power to defeat the soul-sucking demons that are chasing her . . .


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

I am seeking representation for my young adult, fantasy debut novel RESONANCE completed in 116,000 words.

Ace school exams, always be nice to customers and come home early, are things that Emma Drishumn understands, except the concept of her dead father that she strongly believes to be alive and soul-sucking shadow demons chasing after her. [A horrible start to your plot description. If you change "except" to "unlike" it begins to mean what you want it to mean, but it's still awkward, and I wouldn't call her dead father a concept, and mainly, you're comparing apples to oranges . . . and plums. Comparing the "rules to live by" that she understands with those she doesn't understand would make sense, but you're comparing them with the concept of death and with shadow demons. It's like saying, Although Emma understood why her mom wanted her to do the dishes, she had little grasp of philosophical hermeneutics and zombie cows.]

Curiously observing the demons' feasting ways, she is cornered and almost eaten by them if it had not been for a dashing young king and a condescending shadow stalker, introducing themselves as Bringers of Salvation and Death. [This isn't a sentence. You could change "she is cornered and almost eaten" to "she would have been cornered and eaten." It'll make sense, but you ought to make this two sentences. One gets the impression you were told to summarize your plot in three sentences and are cramming your eight sentences into three by removing some periods.] The two surmise that she is a Bringer as well, since she can nonchalantly walk through the Cloak: a phenomenon that hides human awareness from the demons; but as she discovers the power to stop time while shopping for shoes, the Bringers rethink their conclusion since no Bringer has ever had that ability. [I surrender.] [I gotta say, the power to stop time while shopping for shoes is possibly the least useful superhero power ever.] [Unless . . . okay, if she sees a crime going down and runs into the nearest shoe store to buy some pumps, thus stopping time, does time start up again when she leaves the shoe store, or does she have a lag period while she breaks in her new shoes during which she can run to the crime scene and handcuff the criminal? That would make it somewhat useful, but as there may be few shoe stores in areas that have heavy crime, she might want to have a shoe salesman accompany her everywhere she goes so she can shop for shoes at a moment's notice. They'd be a crime-fighting duo, like Batman and Robin. Call her sidekick Zappo.

When Emma sees a crime being committed, Zappo immediately starts trying to sell her some shoes. Whether you want to call them Emma Drishumm and Zappo, or give Emma a cooler name, like Stopwatch, is up to you.]

As the boys offer protection, her world darkens as she is forced to help them save human souls but is unable to do so for her own best friend. [Who are the boys? The king and the shadow stalker? Is a shadow stalker a boy who stalks shadow demons?] After recovering from shock, she finds that she alone believes in her best friend’s existence. [Finally a nice simple clear sentence. Although there's been nothing about her best friend up to now, and we don't know what shocked her. Did she get zapped . . . by ZAPPO!?] In an unavoidable confrontation with a greater demon, the situation turns from a simple demon-slaying-day into a dire fight for her life as she uncovers the true reason for the demons’ pursuit and her confabulated memories regarding her best friend and her father. [The memories may be confabulated, but the query is discombobulated.]

Thank you for your time.


[P.S. I got the resonance title from when a Bringer realizes his true power its called resonance.]


Notes

What does "a phenomenon that hides human awareness from the demons" mean?

Scrap the whole thing. Start over and force yourself to abandon complex sentences. Simple and clear is what you should be striving for. Get rid of Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Focus on Emma. Who she is, that demons are chasing her, that she has escaped them so far through her ability to stop time, but she has a plan to defeat them for good, if only . . . .

Cartoon 510

Caption: Blogless_Troll

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Saturday Film Series

Synopsis 22

"A man takes care of his family, Michael Callistus, if he doesn't he isn't any kind of a man at all." [Change the second comma to a semicolon or a period.]

All his life Michael had that mantra drummed into him by his stern aunt Magdalene, and he has done his best to live up to that [it], looking after his sickly sister Miranda until he can see her married to a fine gentleman who will treat her as she deserves. Michael knows that he isn't the best guardian for Miranda, he's known ever since he failed to save her twin brother Felix from monsters six years ago, but he is all she has. [Change those commas to dashes.] She is also all that keeps him living, as when she leaves him he plans to kill himself and end the burdens that life has placed upon his shoulders.

When Miranda is kidnapped by agents of the fanatical sorcerer Quirian, Michael learns that Miranda's illness was in fact the result of an ancient magical bloodline, which Quirian plans to unlock to achieve his goal of destroying the tottering Empire of All Pelarius- killing Miranda in the process. [He seems to know an awful lot about Quirian's scheme.] [Also, I'd be interested in knowing what names you rejected before settling on Empire of All Pelarius.] Michael doesn't much care about the Empire, but he does care about his family and sets off to save Miranda no matter what. [If the Empire is already tottering, I'm thinking a surprise attack will finish it off, without this bloodline-unlocking mumbo jumbo, which I predict won't work anyway.]

Michael is joined by Jacob, the bastard of the Imperial court looking for someone to care about him, [People would be more likely to care about him if you didn't always refer to him as Jacob the bastard.] by the patrician soldier Gideon, and by Michael’s childhood friend Amy. He also receives advice from the immortal mystic Silwa, who is coordinating the resistance to Quirian from the heart of his own dungeon, befriending the captive Miranda in the process.

With these companions to aid and support him, Michael begins to understand the true meaning of family and sees that his life could have value for others beside his little sister. In the midst of searching for a weapon to use against Quirian Michael and the others are confronted by their enemy himself, [First get your weapons, then seek out your enemy.--Sun Tzu] and standing at his right hand is Michael’s lost brother Felix. Felix berates Michael, accusing him of abandoning his little brother and his familial duties. Michael is unable to deny the charge, because he half believes it himself. [He does manage to half deny the charge.]

With Jacob wounded, [When did this happen?] and Michael reduced to an emotional wreck, Quirian leaves the destruction of the little group in the hands of a sadistic pyromancer and his hunters. [Big mistake. From the list of things I'd do if I were an Evil Overlord:

101. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.]

Despite a valiant effort Gideon and Amy are defeated, and though Jacob unleashes hitherto unsuspected magical abilities he too is unable to prevail. It falls to Michael to defend his family when they need him most. Victorious but heavily injured, Michael [He never even found a weapon.] is falling into unconscious [unconsciousness] when he sees a mysterious woman coming towards him… [It's Wonder Woman.]

The story concludes in the second volume: Empire of Duty [No, putting Wonder Woman at the beginning of the sequel doesn't make it any less a Deus ex Machina.]


Notes

What's the title of this volume?

A lot of background, but not much action.

If I believe he could have saved me from monsters, when I encounter my brother years later I'll find a stronger accusation than You abandoned your familial duties.

It wraps up too fast. Nothing happens for a long time, then suddenly the main confrontation already happened. Jacob was wounded and Michael emerged victorious and we missed it.

Cartoon 509

Caption: Mother (Re)produces

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New Beginning 700!

Mara awoke to the sound of different bells.

On most other days of the year, there would be the clangour of the brass handbells as the monitors roved the hallways and wakened their charges for the morning meal. But, this day, there would be no morning meal, and instead of the brass handbells, it was the deep voices of the great iron bells in the high towers that woke her, pealing out over the whole of the great fane in the city of Gran Seray.

Mara turned over in the narrow bunk and pulled the bedclothes tighter around her, but it was no use; the bells were cheerfully and tunefully insistent; she must wake. She opened her eyes to see a pair of long legs dangling down in front of her, before her roommate Mea dropped down from the upper bunk.

"Come on." Mea merrily pulled Mara's blankets away.

"If I could sleep just another hour . . . " Mara groaned.

"Don't be silly," Mea answered. "You don't want to be late for your own execution!"


Opening: Steve Wright.....Continuation: Khazar-khum

Cartoon 508

Caption: Anon.

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Face-Lift 694

Guess the Plot

Writer's Block

1. 101 excuses to use when your family, friends, and complete strangers ask why you're not published. Also, ways to get words on a page without saying anything important, constructive, or plot-based.

2. After Joe breaks his writer's block by writing himself into his book, things get strange and soon he finds he can't do anything that he hasn't already done in the book. He tries writing that he won the lottery and got lucky with Madge, but all that stuff happens to his cousin Reggie, while Joe becomes the deranged elevator killer.

3. With his deadline rapidly approaching, panic-stricken Dan Harris goes on a crime spree, intending to end up in the state penitentiary. Can he come up with another best seller from behind bars in . . . Writer's Block?

4. To escape a loveless marriage, two characters give their author writer’s block. They enter a realm called “Writer’s Block” where characters live while their authors are unable to write. Turns out their lives in Writer's Block are far more interesting than in the book they left, but can they find a way to give their author permanent writer's block?

5. Charles Wallers thinks he has a clear case of discrimination when he complains to the Equal Housing Office. Then he notices the fine print in the neighborhood zoning regulations. If he wants to put in a bid for that charming split-level on the corner, Wallers is going to have to come up with a manuscript or at least a query letter.

6. When gossipmonger Gale Strong is found dead in her home on Elysian Fields Avenue, the truth behind the lives of her suburban thirtysomething neighbors surfaces. Unwittingly, writer Charity Midland uncovers several tawdry secrets, which provide ample material for her next novel.



Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

To escape a loveless marriage, Nicholas and Aaryanna [, two characters in an unfinished romance novel,] give their author writer’s block. They enter a realm of Fiction, coincidentally nicknamed “Writer’s Block” where the characters live while their authors are unable to write. Aaryanna pursues an inter-book relationship with Prince Donovan, a Rambo like warrior prince from another novel. Nicholas learns from his roommate that it is possible to enter Reality and either give his author permanent writer’s block, or become Real, like the great King Arthur.

In Reality, whatever an author says about her character instantly becomes true. In order to become Real, Nicholas has to act against her. If she says he loves apples, he must hate them. This is easier said than done. Nicholas is incapable of recognizing when his author, Anne, is controlling him. She makes him love washing dishes so much that he sings. He takes a moment to remember how incredibly handsome he is. When she plays ‘he loves me, he loves me not’, he falls in love with her. [You're losing us with all this trivia about the world. Only the last six words are important in that paragraph.]

Nicholas’ time to achieve Reality is limited. At any moment Anne could begin writing again, which would instantly send him back to the book. Also, he is not the only fictional character in Reality. Fictional characters have roamed Reality for centuries, seeking their authors in order to become Real. Real people call them “supernatural”, and they are drawn to Nicholas. Anne’s small town of Greenriver gains a lake monster, the Mothman, and leprechauns. If he stays in Greenriver too long, it could be overrun by fictional characters. This could cause it to be claimed by Fiction itself, like the continent Atlantis. [Another paragraph filled with random facts. Only the first two sentences are focused on Nicholas's problem.]

Nicholas’ disappearance causes problems for Writer’s Block. Anne is a beginner author. She chose not to give the Baron Farent, Nicholas’ villain, any redeeming qualities. Because of this, the Baron is unfit for proper Block society, and must be imprisoned to protect the characters. When Nicholas leaves fiction, the Baron is able to escape imprisonment. He cannot focus on anything other than revenge against Nicholas. [You need to acquire the baron's admirable ability to focus on one thing.] He starts kidnapping characters in order to draw Nicholas to his fortress in the Beastlands, where the monsters of Fiction live. Because of a prophecy in the book, Nicholas is the only character capable of capturing the Baron, and he resides in Reality.

The Baron kidnaps Aaryanna, and Prince Donovan enters Reality to talk Nicholas into returning to Fiction to rescue her. The Baron also learns that Nicholas is in Reality, and follows him there. He discovers Anne and Nicholas’ relationship, and kidnaps Anne as well. Nicholas must return to Fiction to rescue both Anne, and Aaryanna, before the Baron realizes that he has kidnapped his author and can control the rest of the book. Unfortunately, Nicholas has become Real and is no longer a fictional match for the Baron.

Writer’s Block is complete at 60,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration,


Notes

It's too long and too detailed. Your main selling point here is the idea. For once we can do without all the plot specifics. Drop paragraph 2. Follow paragraph 1 with something like:

Nicholas’ time to achieve Reality is limited. At any moment his author, Anne, could begin writing again, which would instantly send him back to the book. Also, he is not the only fictional character in Writer's Block; the place is overrun with villains and monsters.

Shortly after becoming real, Nicholas learns that Aaryanna has been kidnapped by the fictional villain Baron Farent. Only Nicholas can save her, by returning to Fiction. But there's one problem: he doesn't want to leave Reality; he's fallen in love with his creator, Anne.


I'd leave the part about Anne being kidnapped for the book. The query has enough conflict for Nicholas without it. This is the kind of book in which an author can easily go overboard, making it more complicated than it needs to be. If you keep the query--and the plot--reasonably clear and simple, it could work very well.

Wouldn't it be better if the characters simply found themselves in Writer's Block, rather than sending their author there? If they have the power to give Anne writer's block, it's less worrisome that she might start writing again; they can just give her writer's block again.

Cartoon 507

Caption: Anon.

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New Beginning 699

The staleness of the small room was not yet evident and It was always like this in the morning. Nothing smelled. Not hardly hot nor cold or bright or dull. It just was. Mornings were always new and foreign at least for a moment…seconds, whatever. He was never for sure how long morning innocence lasted. Usually until he opened his eyes paused and took his first eyes wide opened breath. He broke the pause for a moment and took gaze around the room. The yellowed peeling walls with the shit-colored water stain on the ceiling above the defunct wall heater. He looked over at the scuffed wooden nightstand. His cell phone was blinking with messages. In the past his heart would have paced quicker. Now he knew it was most likely nothing. Dregs calling in responses to the different ads he had placed. Like stray dogs sniffing road kill for the first time.

The stench was there now. How long had it taken, two minutes? He looked over at the vomit-encrusted clock with its urine-colored hands. Two o'clock. Same time it always said. They say a broken clock is right two times a day, but his had been right three times yesterday. Maybe it was time to get a new broken clock. The phone screeched like a feral cat facing down another feral cat under a full moon. Let the machine get it.

"Hello? Yeah, I'm callin' about your ad for the dead squirrel? I'd be willin' to go as high as fifteen bucks if it's fresh. Name's Rixi, 555-1127."

Christ, what a way to make a living.


Opening: Paul.....Continuation: Evil Editor

Cartoon 506

Caption: Voter

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Face-Lift 693

Guess the Plot

Shadows and Dust

1. All through his childhood, Simon Jones felt a stark, unreasoning dread at the thought of the locked door at the end of the corridor. Now, he stands before it, the key in his hand - but what will he find, when he goes through into the disused attic?

2. Granny's house had been boarded up for years--then Granny appears from the dusty house, 100% zombified. It's pretty hard to fight a zombie that feeds you cookies before eating your brains.

3. After teleporting into a distant empire and being captured as a slave, Kale dreams of leading the other slaves in revolt, and then returning to his own kingdom to destroy its rulers. Can one slave pull it off, or will his dreams be rendered . . . shadows and dust?

4. Jeanette McCray has had an effect on her family for the last fifty years, unnoticed until her distant cousin Iris shows up. The spirited girl soon notices that she's losing ambition, no longer wants to go to cosmetic college. Like all around Jeanette, Iris finds her dreams are turning to . . . shadows and dust.

5. Carefree surfer Melody is totally psyched to learn that she's inherited her grandma's old house - especially when Grandma leaves her a note saying the contents of the house are magical! Sweet! But then she's totally bummed when she gets there and the house is empty. Or is it?

6. Spring cleaning is Ernestina Wriggley's favorite event: attacking a year's accumulation of grime cleanses her soul as well as her house. This year, the dirt fights back with every slight, sin and broken inhibition Ernestina has shed over the past 50 years.


Original Version

Since the age of ten, Kale has trained as a Guardian, one of the men and women who rule over the Seven Kingdoms while protecting the world from the demonic Valren. Though many of the other novices disdain him for his peasant birth, Prince Astlonn befriends him. Kale grows dissatisfied with their lessons, which center more on keeping the peasantry down than on the magic and swordplay he anticipated. [I think if you're gonna give your main character a vegetable name, you should carry the green theme through with all your people and places:

Since the age of ten, Kale has trained as a Guardian, one of the men and women who rule over Romaine while protecting the world from the demonic Arugula. Though many of the other novices disdain Kale for his peasant birth, Prince Radicchio befriends him.]

Near the end of his training, Kale finds writings by former High Guardians, hidden in a magically sealed room. He shares his shocking discovery with Astlonn--the Valren aren't real. The Guardians use the imaginary demons as a threat to cement their power. Before Kale can use his new knowledge, [Use it for what?] Astlonn betrays and attacks him. Kale casts a desperate spell that saves him, but it also teleports him into the distant Azal [Iceberg] Empire. There, without the sacred drink that powers magic, [Green Goddess salad dressing] he's taken [collard] as a slave.

His determination to destroy the Guardians does not falter, but he soon discovers that [slaves aren't granted leaves of absence for such missions, and that] the Azal Empire has its own problems. [For one thing, the cole slaw supply is dangerously low. Also,] The slaves' plight is worse than that of the Kingdoms' peasants; he cannot ignore their need. [Especially now that he's one of them.] As Kale sets in motion a plan to free the slaves, [The slaves have been slaves for decades and haven't come up with anything, but the new guy has a foolproof plan in an hour and a half?] he learns that more is at stake. Astlonn has become High Guardian, and his plans to [turn all the cabbage to sauerkraut and] unite the world under his rule start in Azal. [There's only one hope: Lettuce pray.] [Ba dum ching.]

SHADOWS AND DUST is complete at 88,000 words. Thank you for your time.


Notes

Kale teleports in from a distant land and becomes a slave, but gets updates on what Astlonn is up to? These slaves have a pretty good communication network. How much time passes while Kale is a slave?

It seems like if you have been trained in casting spells you could find one that thwarts an attacker without teleporting you to a distant empire. Or that once there you would use another spell to teleport out before your last sacred drink wears off and you get enslaved.

I was kidding about using all the veggies, but now that I think about it, it's a little more interesting that way.

Cartoon 505

Caption: Blogless_Troll

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Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 692

Guess the Plot

Searcher

1. Abner can barely find his shoes in the morning, but as the Chosen One of Kansas, he must find the lost keys to Rivaolinkwa, the disappearing corn maze where Queen Miwespese has been entrapped ever since Columbus landed in Puerto Rico. Only this will free the Eosdfipsfd people from the tortures of Siospfer.

2. Enslaved by the ganglord Dagan, Jetta must spend her days in the abandoned Ruins, searching for merk, liquid fallout that gives inhuman powers to all who consume it. If she could just kill her guard, cross into the forbidden zone, avoid the mutated dogs, survive the radiation storms and flash floods, escape Dagan's men, and locate the rumored merk motherlode . . . Hey, it's worth a try.

3. Dan Miller never knew he was adopted, until his 'parents' are killed in a car accident. Going through their old files, he finds a paper trail that proves he's someone else's son, and becomes obsessed with finding his real family. It soon becomes clear that his adoptive parents' deaths weren't as accidental as he thought, and he ends up fighting against a bizarre conspiracy designed to keep him from ever finding the answers to his questions: who were his parents, why was his adoptive family killed - and why would the readers care?

4. When a storm tears the Miller family apart, Jake finds himself on the wrong side of the river. Can the plucky beagle find his way home, or is he doomed to live in a house where the kids call him Snoopy?

5. Sally counts her trunk novels and two are missing!!! Where can they be? Then she realizes: Tiffany! The bitch stole her ideas! She must track her down and get the pages back, or that witch will soon publish a pair of thinly disguised rewrites and get rich on movie options, etc.

6. A chocolate poodle, a sloshed (slushed?) editor, and an irrepressible writer all need a plot. What else do these have in common? The Bermuda Triangle! Also, a pilot who finds the land after time -- with zombies, intelligent goo and aliens instead of dinosaurs.


Original Version

The abandoned ruins of Denver spread for miles, but to seventeen-year-old Jetta, they’re a prison. Her dreams lie in the mountains on the Western horizon, in a place of trees and rivers and life—birds never sing in the Ruins. [I like this better without that sentence.] Enslaved by the ganglord Dagan for her rare gift, she instead spends her days in the hovering deadness of the city, seeking merk: the mysterious liquid fallout that draws life from the charred soil, heals the sick, and gives inhuman powers to those who consume it. [You don't need the word "instead"; in fact some may think you mean instead of being enslaved.] Few share her ability to locate this craved commodity in it’s hidden places.

So when Jetta overhears word of a huge reserve of merk, possibly the last reserve left, she sees the means to survive, should she finally make her escape to the mountains. The plan has one problem, however. [You haven't actually mentioned a "plan" yet, so maybe you should drop that sentence and just say "Unfortunately . . . ] The merk reserve is said to be hidden in the dangerous and forbidden East Half.

Determined to pursue her one chance, Jetta kills her guard, [One of two or three commas you can do without.] and becomes a desperate fugitive. She must now delve deep into the shadows of the East Half. Feral dogs, mutated by merk, hunt her. Radiation storms bring lightning and flash floods. And all the while, Dagan’s men close in around her. If Jetta doesn’t find the reserve soon, she’ll not only lose her one chance to be free, she’ll lose her life as well. [Why would Dagan's men kill their meal merk ticket?]

SEARCHER is YA post-apocalyptic novel, complete at 80,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.


Notes

I'm not quite clear on Jetta's plan. Rather than head for the mountains she heads for the rumored merk reserve. Is her plan to consume large quantities of merk, becoming more powerful than anyone else?

Apparently merk's powers are temporary, or Dagan wouldn't have Jetta looking for more all the time. And because she can carry a limited amount of merk, Jetta's powers will eventually fade when she's in the mountains. So why not just head for the mountains as soon as she escapes?

How about an example of the inhuman powers merk gives to those who consume it.

If the merk reserve is huge, it doesn't seem like you'd need special talent to find it.

Cartoon 504

Caption: Paul Penna

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New Beginning 698

The dance combination seemed simple. A few sideways steps, jump and switch feet, then back the other way. Yet when Melissa slid to the side, she stumbled straight into Her Majesty.

"Hey! Watch it, klutz!" With a frown, the girl dusted off her slinky black leotard.

Of all people to bump into, why her? Melissa stammered an apology while she backed away, her face, neck, torso burning. What a way to start at a new studio, colliding into the reigning prima ballerina.

Before class, Her Majesty had dismissed Melissa with a cold sniff. Now the girl scowled at her while she placed her feet back into fifth position.

The ballet teacher, Miss Sylvia, restarted the music. "Let's try that again, girls."

During the rest of class, Melissa stayed across the room from Her Majesty. The other girls kept checking how Her Majesty did the moves and copied her.

After class Melissa wanted to apologize to Her Majesty again, but Her Majesty's consorts swooped in and rushed Her Majesty out of the studio.

Bad enough Her Majesty disguises herself as a twelve-year-old, Melissa thought, but can't Queen Elizabeth afford private lessons?


Opening: Kathy Scott.....Continuation: Evil Editor

Cartoon 503

Caption: Voter

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Face-Lift 691

Guess the Plot

The Red Priestess

1. Bob thought it might be safe to leave the house again, but SHE was STILL waiting at the bus stop wearing that outfit with the beads, head cone of melting incense wax, and feathered thingy.

2. After ten years training in the Chromatic Church, in which branches of the priesthood are named after colors, Mara is assigned to the Red Order – only to learn that the Red Order has no members. The good news is, she gets to eat all the communion wafers.

3. Sally Rook thinks the only reason she wasn't chosen as chess club president is her gender. She's forced to face the truth when a female transfer student has the boys on the chess team begging for lessons. Maybe Sally should switch to field hockey. Also, dog-hair knitting.

4. In a bid to charm the mystery chick with the diamonds in her hair, Todd accepts her invitation to play cards -- but realizes that might have been a mistake when he sees she meant Tarot, not poker.

5. Shanana thought he was the only Rainbow Warden to survive the Polychrome Massacre. When he hears rumors of another Warden, will he find his long lost love, or the traitor responsible for the pumpkin-cheese affair?

6. In a world in which women hold all religious power, there has been no crime, poverty or war in decades. And the men are sick and tired of it. Eriglio Damon raises an army of men in revolt against the Red Priestess. Hey, if everybody's happy, somebody has to pay the price.


Original Version

Dear (Agent),

I am seeking representation for my fantasy novel, "The Red Priestess".

Mara, youngest daughter of a minor aristocratic house, completes her ten years' training in the Chromatic Church, in which branches of the priesthood are named after colours. She is assigned by its mystical Flame to the Red Order – which causes consternation, since the Red Order has had no members in over two hundred years. [The good news is that she doesn't have to listen to any whiny confessions. The bad news is that the collection plate always comes back empty.]

Rules of Church protocol thrust her into political situations she barely understands, and somehow she has to reconstruct and master the magic of the Red Order, forgotten for centuries. It's a daunting task, but Mara's upbringing has given her a strong sense of duty, and she is determined to succeed.

Her problems are put into perspective, though, when an attempt is made on her life – it seems someone wants the Red Order to stay extinct. [I suspect the Green Order.] Looking for answers and a safe haven, Mara travels to the fortress city of Athraxas and its labyrinthine underground library. [Because when you need a safe haven, nothing beats an underground labyrinth in a strange city.] Here, she finds clues about her enemies – the sinister Pacted Men, and their monstrous master, Esaun-Namhiroth. [Anagram: An author in shame.]

But even here, intrigue and murder follow Mara, and she realizes the only way to end it is to confront her enemy with the magic of the Red Order. Inhumanly old and monstrously powerful, Esaun-Namhiroth is worshipped as a god by a whole nation. Mara knows she has little chance against such a creature – but she knows, too, that she has no choice.

"The Red Priestess" is complete at 126,000 words; it stands alone as a story, but is envisaged as the first volume of a trilogy. A full manuscript is available at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration - I look forward to hearing from you.


Notes

If the red priestess is vital to political situations, it's hard to believe they got along without one for 200 years. I'd leave out the political situations she barely understands, or at least give an example.

The Pacted Men sounds like men who've been pacted, which makes no sense. When you're sinister, and you live in Athraxas, and your god is Esaun-Namhiroth, you need a better name than Pacted Men.

Sinister Pacted Men

Cartoon 502

Caption: Steve Wright

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New Beginning 697

Daren sped across the basketball court as Carson High’s bulky players charged in his direction. He hesitated, his head spinning from the series of leaps and turns he’d employed to lead them across the court, and loosened his grip on the ball, as if defeated. Then he jumped.

The ball soared through the air. The crowd rose. Every breath stilled, lingering on the border between lungs and lips, as the seconds on the stop-clock flipped from two to one. Hitting the side of the rim, the ball bounced erratically, and whooshed into the net.

The crowd screamed, the third quarter buzzer sounded, and a hand slapped Daren across the back, rattling his ribs.

“Dude,” said Brad Dickson, “Did you not see me waving my arms?”

“I saw you.” Daren strolled to the water table, careful to avoid the corner where Marla Perkins and her fellow cheerleaders were launching into a series of acrobatic jumps. He could see her clearly in his mind, tan legs flashing below a purple and white skirt. Warm brown eyes. He tried not to think about the sound of her voice, and the fact
that their nightly conversations would soon be replaced by inescapable, crushing silence.

It always came to that. His mind wandered away from her and he fell to thinking of tan legs flashing below purple and white basketball shorts, and then to picturing those tan, muscular legs minus the shorts, then minus everything.

"Dude," he said, strolling back to Brad Dickson. "Screw the fourth quarter; let's hit the showers."


Opening: Chelsea.....Continuation: Paul Penna

Cartoon 501

Caption: Evil Editor

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Face-Lift 690

Guess the Plot

Redemption

1. Nico is a half-demon, trying to stop an army from killing his brothers and feeding them to mutants. Savannah is a half-angel hunting down Nico to gain her redemption. Confrontation seems to be their destiny, but then, they never expected to fall in love.

2. As the guilt about jilting Abner in 1967 grows steadily more onerous instead of fading away, Millicent decides there's only one way to redeem herself: marry him. Too bad he seems to be so inconveniently 'married' to some jerk named Stan. What's a girl to do?

3. Teenage rowdies accidentally burn Springfield when their protest against global warming goes awry. Judge Jackson sentences them to rebuild the town and they can barely afford dirt so everything has to be made of adobe. At least no trees will be harmed. As they toil to make the first house Tiffany wonders -- will this take the rest of their lives, or what???

4. Now that Chet has terminal lung cancer, he decides to wheeze on down to find Evelyn in Surrey and apologize for ruining her life in 1992. But their chat over tea is so awkward -- she can't remember Chet at all, and her butler keeps giviing Chet the evil eye.

5. After his drunken party burns the house down, forcing his aging parents to move into the chicken shed, Shelby Jones returns to his college dorm knowing he must do dramatic good deeds to redeem himself. Fortunately he gets the Superman costume at half price. Now all he needs is an evil nemesis.

6. Claude, an insistent atheist (to spite the deities currently traipsing down Main Street), is painting his masterpiece (which has the same title as eight albums, five songs, four novels, three films, and a play). His neighbors are trying to prevent more deities from climbing through the dimensional rift in Claude's backyard.

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Redemption is an 85,000 word urban fantasy inspired by Frank Miller, George A. Romero and Robert McCammon. [I can't say I care who or what inspired the book, unless you mean you stole your ideas from them.]

Half-angel Savannah Mantas smells the sulfuric stench of wrath when it enters her city, Iron Point. Resurrected by the archangel Michael, she's hunting for redemption and half-demon Nico Montenegro is her prey. He comes from the Fringes, the border between the city and the toxic wasteland beyond.

When they meet, Nico tells her a story, one of genocide and confiscated bodies. Not revenge, but justice is his purpose and his target is the most admired family in the world–Commander Hathaway and his daughter. [That name sounded familiar, but while it turns out it's the name of a famous WWII commander, I think I had Commander McBragg in mind. A few of McBraggs short cartoons are available on YouTube.] [Sudden attack of nostalgia. I'll get back to the query shortly, after I order the complete Commander McBragg collection on DVD.]

Hathaway's soldiers are slaughtering Fringers and secretly feeding them to Revenants, mutants who survived the bio-bombing of 2120. [You've got to be pretty unobservant if someone manages to secretly feed you.] They have a twisted idea they can train these clever creatures like dogs and keep them out of the city long enough to mobilize an evacuation for the wealthy and well-connected. [Lemme see if I've got this straight. You've got some mutants and you want to train them like dogs, which you do by feeding them a slaughtered Fringer whenever they do what they're supposed to do? Wouldn't they be just as happy with a biscuit?]

Savannah knows better. Revenants are what killed her. When they attack, she saves the citizens of Iron Point and gains her redemption, but Michael gives her one final choice. She can ascend to Heaven, or sacrifice paradise and save Nico, the man [correction, half-demon] she loves, from eternal hellfire.

My novels, Stark Knight, Silent Knight, Good Knight, My Biker Bodyguard, Bulletproof Bride, and my YA horror DFF: Dead Friends Forever, the first of six books in the Extreme Hauntings series are published by Echelon Press. School's Out 4Ever, the second in the series, will be released this fall.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.

Sincerly, [The most important words in a query are the first and last. Spell them correctly. What's between them I couldn't care less about, as I usually don't read it.]

Notes

If the goal is to get the Revenants out of the city, wouldn't it be easier to slaughter the Revenants than to slaughter the Fringers and feed them to the Revenants and train the Revenants?

Why is Nico condemned to hellfire? If Michael can--and is willing to--save Nico from eternal hellfire, why doesn't he just do it? If Nico's earned his own redemption, he shouldn't have to spend eternity in hell just because Savannah chooses heaven over a half-demon. Yes, I'm aware she chooses Nico, but that's not the point.

I wouldn't mind a bit more about how Savannah manages to save the whole city from Revenants.

Cartoon 500!!

Caption: Anon.

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Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 689

Guess the Plot

Godmother's Wand

1. When her fairy godmother's wand breaks, Penelope must go on a journey to the Field of Happiness to find the Fairy Stones. But two nasty trolls want them too. Along the way, Penelope meets a cheery collection of cuddly, chattery animals and learns the true meaning of friendship.

2. Young Nate has often wondered why his godmother Julie has larger hands, a deeper voice, and a more prominent Adam's Apple than most women. But the truth emerges the day he sees his . . . Godmother's Wand.

3. Over the river and through the woods
With Godmother's Wand we go
The vamps know the way
To slaughter and slay
And spill blood in the snow.

4. Godmother is at war with the Tooth Fairy, who has her wand. Enlisting dentist Bunny Hopeful to get the wand back before the world loses its teeth is her only option. Will Bunny brave the fangs of the fairy minions and save the world from unemployed dentists?

5. When Harriet steals her fairy godmother's wand, she doesn't know that in the wrong hands the wand does the opposite of what it's asked to do. Hilarity ensues for a while--until Harriet wishes for peace on Earth and starts World War III.

6. Saved from a fall by her fairy godmother, Mary must now prove she deserves to live, by rescuing her boyfriend from the depths of Hades. But first she has to avoid being killed by the giant flyswatter her fairy godmother is helpless to stop.


Original Version

Dear Mr. Evil Editor,

When hapless thirty-year old Mary Howard falls from her second story porch, she finds herself suspended in mid-air being lectured by a large flamboyant lady dressed in pink who’s waving a clumsy wand. Mary has been rescued by her fairy godmother, Gretta. Almost. Gretta was a little too late due to a cosmic divorce, consequently Mary is only 40 percent alive. The rest of her is on the sidewalk.

Mary must prove to the Creator that she is worthy of being given life. In the meantime, Mary is alive enough to attend a fancy dress party, visit her parents in disguise and have tea at the Plaza Hotel in New York City. [If you're going to suspend the plot summary to list a few random things that happen, you need to come up with more interesting events than attending a party and drinking tea. I guarantee Dan Brown's query for The Da Vinci Code didn't say, Meanwhile, Langdon has time to grab a croissant from a Paris bakery, check his email, and take in a show at Moulin Rouge.] Along the way, a mysterious nemesis appears, who threatens to destroy Mary and chases her with a giant flyswatter. Gretta tries to protect Mary, but there are limits to what she can do. [If you can't even protect a 30-year-old woman from a flyswatter, it's time to hang up the wand.] Ultimately, Mary fights off the nemesis and unmasks her as… one of the pieces that broke off when she fell. [That broke off her body? Which piece? How much of her body is Mary missing? We seem to have gone from mundane to silly in this paragraph.]

Meanwhile, Mary’s lackadaisical boyfriend, Todd, has ordeals of his own. Todd is tricked by a spiritual crank into descending to Hades, the Baltimore location, to rescue Mary’s soul, [Trickery or not, if you're willing to descend into Hades for your girlfriend, you don't strike me as the lackadaisical type.] and finds himself in mortal danger. Mary is Todd’s only hope. She must rescue him and herself and prove that she is worth resuscitating. It all ends happily ever after.

“Godmother’s Wand” is 21,000 words and classified as magical realism. [That's not a term you'd want to apply to a children's book. And 21,000 words isn't going to cut it as an adult book. Is this part of a book called Three Novellas? Who's your audience?]

Thank you very much for your time.


Notes

Gretta sounds more like a guardian angel than a fairy godmother. Possibly because of the Creator aspect.

Why does Gretta's wand make it into the title? Does Mary take it to Hades?

Is the Creator a character in the book?

Everything may make sense in the book, but if something seems nutty in the query, it won't help your cause. Like, if Mary's arm is chasing her with a giant flyswatter, I'd leave that out. Even if it's for children. It's not an important part of the main plot, which is that Mary must earn her life by rescuing her brother from Hades. Focus on the main plot.

Your chances of surviving a fall from a second-story porch aren't all that bleak, even without a fairy godmother. Surely you wouldn't have so much velocity that when you were suddenly stopped, pieces of you would break off.

Cartoon 499

Caption: Voter

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New Beginning 696

It took me a while to figure out what set her apart from the other women at the contradance. There were at least a dozen other new people there that night. She was beautiful, of course, but there were others with long dark hair and wide dark eyes, a girl’s freshness and a woman’s grace. I envied them. I didn’t envy her.

She looked at all her partners like a lover, I thought—though I couldn’t be sure, never having had one myself-- like someone who knew every line of their faces, every gesture of their hands, and hungered, not for their approval, their desire, but for them, the way they were in themselves. It wasn’t just the men, either. She took my hand in a ladies’ chain, and I thought she could have sculpted my hand from memory after that—calluses, split nail, long blunt-ended fingers.

I sat out the next dance and watched her. She smiled radiantly whenever she met anyone’s eyes, but while she waited off the end of the set she looked like a little girl left alone at night, straining to hear the grown-ups downstairs, telling herself desperately that she is not afraid of the dark.

In the next dance, I discerned from the way she moved her hips that she was a divorced mother of two. And more: she waved her hands in the air like someone who had never been satisfied with her husband because he spent all day working.

It was all for the best. I could tell from the fire in her eyes that the rough touch of a man could never tame her.

I worked up the courage to talk to her. The distance from her chin to her clavicle revealed that she was a Scorpio who liked long walks on the beach. The roundness of her knees implied that she enjoyed watching movies and, though she was no fan of the original Police Academy, she closely followed the careers of Steve Guttenberg and Kim Cattrall.

I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Amber."

She replied in a deep, masculine voice, "I'm Gary." It was only then that I noticed the Adam's apple . . .


Opening: Joanna.....Continuation: Matthew

Cartoon 498

Caption: Blogless_Troll

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