Guess the Plot
The Iris and the Aconite
1. Perfumer Camille is busy creating perfumes for the upcoming royal ball, when she is framed for a heinous crime: poisoning Duchess Louise of (Old) Orleans. The method: switching the duchess's favorite iris perfume for one made of the toxic aconite. Camille races to find the true culprit, before she is sent to the gallows.
2. When Trudy put aconite (AKA wolfsbane) in her husband's herbal tea, her defense was that she mixed up the iris, which she used to give tea a vanilla-like flavor, with the aconite, which she used to kill people.
3. Kresimir Zaheriev is a courtesan by day, but at night he becomes the assassin known as the Aconite. His mission: kill benevolent, cheery King Athanasi, AKA the Iris, who slaughtered Kresimir's parents.
I'm excited to offer my adult fantasy novel, THE IRIS AND THE ACONITE, complete at 114,000 words. It's set in a Slavic-inspired secondary world reminiscent of Uprooted by Naomi Novik, and deals with court politics and conflicting loyalties that echo Mask of Mirrors by M.A. Carrick.
It's a simple plan. Seduce the king, platonically. Get him alone. Kill him. The chancellor's only warning? Do not let the king charm you.
Kresimir Zaheriev, beautiful as he is prickly, is a courtesan by trade, so he is certain nothing of the sort could befall him. Not when it was all the king's fault that he was in this business. Had his benevolent monarch not slaughtered his parents, Kresimir and his ailing best friend wouldn't have had to fend for themselves. [The king doesn't strike me as someone Kresimir would call benevolent.] It is only reasonable that when he learns of the chancellor's search for a king's assassin, Kresimir jumps at the opportunity for vengeance. ["A king's assassin" can be interpreted more than one way. That you say "a" king rather than "the" king could suggest that the chancellor is looking for someone with experience assassinating kings. Someone the king can employ. Just as every king has a jester and a chef and a bodyguard, they also have assassins on call to eliminate people they wrongly suspect of plotting against them. Or it could mean he's looking for someone to assassinate the king, though it's hard to believe word has gotten around about this assassin search but no one has blabbed to the king.] [Also, why does the seduction have to be platonic? It should be easier to get him alone if it's a sexual seduction, which is, traditionally, part of a courtesan's job. Assuming the king swings that way.]
As expected, Kresimir effortlessly steals the king's attention, thanks in part to his meddling in a magic-wielding, courtesan-kidnapping cult. [Is it Kresimir or the king meddling in the cult? Either way, I'm not sure what meddling in a cult means. Is the cult kidnapping the king's courtesans?] [Is this based on that tongue twister, How many king's courtisans could a courtesan-kidnapping cult kidnap if . . . ] All that remains now is to wait. But King Athanasi is nothing like the tyrant Kresimir had dreamed of--infuriatingly handsome, maddeningly cheery, with a keen interest in gardening and a habit of lending a hand to anyone who needs it. [You're not describing someone I'd expect to be meddling in a kidnapping cult. Which one of them was doing the meddling, and why was the other one involved?] [Also, what comes after the dash could be interpreted as a description of the tyrant Kresimir had dreamed of, rather than the opposite of that. Replacing the dash with "He's" fixes that.] The longer they work together to take down the crime ring, the more Kresimir falls into a rhythm, and the more he doubts the circumstances of his parents' execution. But he has already promised the king's death to the chancellor, and going back on his word means not only losing his life but that [those] of his loved ones as well.
Notes
You need something after the plot summary, so move your first paragraph there. This also gives you a better hook at the beginning.
I assume the crime ring is the magic-wielding, courtesan-kidnapping cult, though those seem like different types of organizations. Like, a crime ring would kidnap courtesans and demand ransom, while a cult would try to indoctrinate them into their belief system, which is based on over-alliteration. At least you didn't call them a conjuring, courtesan-kidnapping crime cult, which would be an auto-rejection.
How does one go about searching for an assassin who'll contract to kill the king? Craig's List? And the part about if you don't kill him, you and all your loved ones die--is that in the fine print, or is it just understood as SOP in the business? Because that would be a dealbreaker for a lot of the applicants.
To what purpose do the cult members wield magic? Do they have vast powers, like Doctor Strange? Can other people wield magic?
No comments:
Post a Comment