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Guess the Plot

The Messenger

1. Alex Croft plays phone tag for weeks on potential job opportunities only to discover he must sell his immortal soul to the ones who want to hire him. He finally accepts the offer, but when he later changes his mind, can his lawyer get him out of the deal?

2. Fyodor is tasked with delivering bad news to Joseph Stalin. He can't decide whether he'd rather be shot or sent to Siberia--but then someone hands him a ray gun and tells him to shoot first.

3. Archangel Gabriel comes to Earth to announce that the Apocalypse is at hand, but there are so many texts and emails and ads floating around in the ether that his message barely penetrates the din.

4. Stock broker Jim had to deliver bad news to a lot of clients, and always closed with, Hey, don't shoot the messenger. Turned out he should have opened with that line.

Original Version

Dear (Agent),

Based on your interest in (book or author or genre) I believe my novel The Messenger would be a great fit.

The Messenger is an adult epic urban fantasy, complete at 120,000 words, dual POV, with series potential. It blends the world-ending scope of The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin and Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse with the Apocalyptic Christian angst of American Rapture by C.J. Leede. 

Archangel Gabriel has landed in Washington D.C. [He landed after flying on a plane or with his wings? Maybe say he's arrived.] after hundreds of years away from Earth to deliver God’s final announcement: the Apocalypse and the Rapture are at hand. [If you move "after hundreds of years away from Earth" to the front of the sentence, no one will think Gabriel's spent hundreds of years delivering his announcement to other worlds. Not that anyone would be that dense.] Gabriel tells himself he is ready, even if the world is not, but he’s unprepared for the millions of modern electronic messages—texts, emails, advertisements—that threaten to drown out his own. All things should be possible for an angel, yet he fails miserably to deliver his message through the din. [He should have produced a hilarious TV commercial and aired it during the Super Bowl.]

Vexed and confused, he’s invited to a ball hosted by Nicholas Matin—Lucifer in human disguise. Lucifer knows of his failed mission and posits an unthinkable question: What if Gabriel simply doesn’t want to bring God’s horrible wrath down on an unsuspecting Earth? [Does Gabriel know it's Lucifer asking this question? Or does he think it's Nicholas Matin? Do the people at this ball know the archangel Gabriel is among them?] What if Gabriel still had free will to defy God, like Lucifer and his followers had chosen to fall from grace [once did, with unfortunate results.]? 

Lucifer may be the king of lies, but he may also be right.

Meanwhile, thirty-nine year old classical radio DJ Miranda Clark is dealing with troubles of her own—getting bombarded with texts and calls from her hateful, overzealous, estranged Christian father, while looking to her chosen practice of witchcraft for solace. [I'm sure this is horrible to Miranda, but now that I know the world is about to end, it feels like it belongs on the back burner.] [Then again it might feel just as jarring if you told us about Miranda's problems for two paragraphs, and then the archangel Gabriel floated down to announce the Apocalypse.] Seemingly by accident, Gabriel and Miranda meet and are instantly smitten. However, Gabriel discovers that Lucifer is using her as bait to tempt him and prove his theory right—and even worse, [to prove? declare? reveal?] that she’s [Miranda's] a witch. Miranda still refuses to go back to a religion that hurt her to her core. Announcing the Rapture will leave Miranda’s soul on Earth to rot—if Gabriel can even find a way to do it. [Is it the announcing of the Rapture, or the Rapture itself that does this?] [Is this rotting soul thing just for witches, or does it also apply to Hindus, Jews, etc.? It seems kind of harsh.] 

All the while, God decides the Apocalypse is going to go on with or without Gabriel. [He just decides this? Without even consulting Jesus? No way would Jesus be on board with this.]

With his faith in God’s plan stretched to the breaking point, Gabriel experiences a moment of terrible weakness: he and Miranda make love. The act has consequences just as terrible, turning him mortal and impregnating Miranda with a bastard Nephilim child. [Still, it was worth it.] With D.C. crumbling to dust, the only way they can survive this new Apocalypse is through each other. [Are they the only ones who can survive through each other?] 

I’ve had short stories published in Elegant Literature Magazine, The Pink Hydra, and the upcoming Autumn 2025 issue of The Colored Lens. Thank you for your consideration.

Notes

It seems to me that hosting a ball is a lot of trouble to go to just to ask Gabriel an unthinkable question. Also, after hundreds of years away from Earth, Gabriel returns, announces that the world is about to end, and some guy invites him to a ball? And he accepts? Is there a ball, or is that just a ruse to get Gabriel to show up somewhere? 

If you're trying to convince people that the end of the world is nigh, attending a ball seems like bad optics.

Is the whole planet turning to dust? Because it would be hard for anyone to survive that.

You probably don't wait till halfway through the book to get your main characters together, so maybe it's not that big a deal if you wait till halfway through the query. But halfway through Agatha Christie's query for her first Hercule Poirot book, Superman showed up. Her agent made her take that out of the book, and the rest is history. Your agent may not be as sharp.

The query is too long. So is the book, but you didn't ask me about the book. Now if the query opened something like:

When the archangel Gabriel is sent to Earth to announce that the Apocalypse is at hand, he has no idea he's about to fall in love with a 39-year-old radio disc jockey. 

. . . you get both characters into the query fast. You also move beyond the ball, which, while perfectly sensible in the book, sounds crazy in the query. Now the query is about how Gabe and Mandy plan to convince God to change Her mind, or about how they spend their final hours.